CHARACTER COUNTS! Kindness 101

Civility - 19-Year-Old Defeats Former Civics Teacher in Unusually Supportive County Election

Civility is treating others with respect through our words and actions, especially when we disagree.

Grade Level: K-12
 
Character Skills
  • Respect
  • Responsibility
  • Good Citizenship
SEL Skills
  • Relationship Skills
  • Self-Management
Academic Skills
  • Critical and Creative Thinking
  • Effective Problem Solving

Definitions

Respect
  • Follow the Golden Rule.
  • Be accepting of differences.
  • Be courteous to others.
  • Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and disagreements.
  • Be considerate of others’ feelings.
Responsibility
  • Do what you are supposed to do. Try your best.
  • Persevere. Keep on trying.
  • Be self-disciplined.
  • Think before you act. Consider the consequences.
  • Be accountable for your words, actions, and attitudes.
Good Citizenship
  • Do your share to make your home, school, and community better.
  • Cooperate.
  • Stay informed. Vote.
  • Be a good neighbor.
  • Make choices that protect the safety and rights of others.
  • Protect the environment.
Relationship Skills

Create positive relationships and meaningful connections with family members, classmates, and teachers.

Self-Management

Regulate emotions, attitudes, and actions, and resist negative emotions and impulses.

Critical and Creative Thinking

Acquire, remember, understand, and apply knowledge.

Effective Problem-Solving

Make rational, ethical, and effective decisions to find the best solutions to problems.

Learn more about our character, SEL, and academic outcomes.
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CBS News
The Ray Center at Drake University

Students will learn how civil language helps maintain positive relationships during disagreements. By practicing the difference between I-statements and you-statements, students will develop communication skills that encourage understanding, problem-solving, and respectful interactions.

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activiate prior knowledge

Activate Prior Knowledge

  • What is civility?
    • Civility means treating others with respect, even when we are frustrated, upset, or disagree with them.
  • Have you ever disagreed with someone?
  • What makes a disagreement become an argument?
Kindness 101

Kindness 101 Video

discussion

Discussion Prompts

  • How did the people in the video show civility, even when they disagreed?
  • Why is it important to treat people with respect when opinions are different?
  • How can the words we choose affect whether a disagreement gets better or worse?
  • What are some ways people can express frustration without being disrespectful?
  • How can respectful communication help people solve problems and maintain positive relationships?
materials

Activity Materials

activity

Activity: I vs. You Statements

  1. Explain to students that disagreements happen every day. Civility is not about avoiding disagreements. Civility is about communicating respectfully, even when we are frustrated or upset. The words we choose can either solve a problem or make it worse.
  2. Write the following examples on the board:
    • You-Statement: “You never listen to me.”
    • I-Statement: “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard.”
  1. Ask students:
    • Which statement sounds more respectful?
    • Which statement focuses on solving the problem?
    • Which statement might make someone feel defensive?
  1. Explain that You-statements often sound like blame or accusations. They can cause the other person to become defensive and make disagreements worse. I-statements express feelings and needs without attacking another person. They help people communicate clearly and respectfully.
  2. A simple formula for an I-statement is: “I feel ______ when ______.” Examples:
    • “I feel disappointed when I don’t get a turn.”
    • “I feel left out when I’m not included.”
    • “I feel frustrated when my ideas aren’t heard.”
  1. Remind students that using I-statements is an important skill for practicing civility because they help us express ourselves respectfully, even during a disagreement.
  2. Divide students into pairs and give each pair with a scenario card.
  3. One partner reads the uncivil “you-statement.”
  4. The other partner’s job is to “Keep It Civil” by changing the statement into an I-statement.
  5. Partners discuss how the new statement changes the tone of the conversation.
  6. Switch roles and repeat with a new scenario.
  7. Before students begin, try some practice scenarios together:
    • You-Statement: You never let me have a turn!
      • “I feel frustrated when I don’t get a turn.”
    • You-Statement: You’re not listening to me!
      • Possible I-statement: “I don’t feel heard right now.”
    • You-Statement: You always leave me out!
      • Possible I-statement: “I feel left out when I’m not included.”
    • You-Statement: You took my spot!
      • Possible I-statement: “I was hoping to sit there and feel disappointed that it’s unavailable.”
    • You-Statement: You’re making us lose the game!
      • Possible I-statement: “I’m frustrated because I want our team to do well.”
    • You-Statement: You never help with the project!
      • Possible I-statement: “I feel overwhelmed when I have to do most of the work.”

Challenge Round (Optional):

  • Have students create their own you-statement about a common school disagreement.
  • Partners exchange statements and rewrite them as I-statements.

Follow-up questions:

  • How did the I-statements sound different from the you-statements?
  • Which type of statement would make you more willing to listen?
  • How can I-statements help solve problems?
  • When could you use an I-statement outside of school?
journal prompts

Journal Prompts

K-5

  • Write about a time you had a disagreement with someone. How could an I-statement have helped?
  • Create an I-statement for a problem you might experience at school.
  • How does it feel when someone speaks to you respectfully?

6-12

  • Reflect on a disagreement you have witnessed. How could civil communication have improved the situation?
  • Why do you think people often use you-statements when they are upset?
  • How can civility help people work through differences and solve problems?
family connection

Family Connection

Educators: Copy the Family Connection and email it to parents or click here to download a PDF version to email or print.

Watch

Discuss

Use these questions to start meaningful conversations about civility.

  • When do disagreements happen in families?
  • Why is it important to express feelings without blaming others?
  • How can family members model civility for one another?

Activity

  • As a family, practice turning You-statements into I-statements.
  • Take turns sharing examples such as “You never help with chores” or “You always interrupt me,” then work together to rewrite them using respectful, civil language

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