Thank you for this! I am a director of a summer camp and this is one of the biggest things we talk with our campers about before any adventure-type activity. It is so amazing to see them acknowledge this and work through those feelings!

Just wanted to let you know that I have thoroughly enjoyed Michael Josephson's comments on the radio at 4:50 a.m. every day, for a very long time.

Everything that he has said is exactly the way I feel and believe, and it felt good to know that I was not the only one who believed that character counts.

I love the poetic way he has with words and just wanted to say thank you to him - he makes my day a little brighter.

A great grandma

Curring Victimitis 643.1 was great. Glad I got on this email list.

A message that, after 15 years of listening and lots of reasons to find excuses for feeling sorry for myself, I most need to hear. Thanks, MJ.

People and/or circumstances only have power over you if you allow them to. Control of your life begins with control of yourself. Be disciplined.

The article about victims is a good reminder to all of us that those who constantly want to blame others for the situation in which they find themselves haven't looked hard enough in the mirror. The best way to treat them is to simply walk away. Put your efforts toward helping those who genuinely appreciate it and can look farther than the end of their own nose.

I am an elementary school counselor and am teaching this concept to all students. They seem to really understand it and I can see changes already in each classroom. This is a great site.

This e-mail came at the right time in my life as I have victimitis. Mine is the result of stress and just things happening. Thank you Michael Josephson for your wonderful commentary that is meaningful for me as well as for the students I teach.

I agree with Mr. Josephson that people can become the victim of their own circumstances by not taking responsibility, but it doesn't help me specifically know how to overcome the feelings that sometimes leave me feeling trapped and immobilized. And it's not that I'm an unhappy person in general, but there are things that have made it difficult for me to move ahead at different times in my life. It's easy to say "Stop thinking thoughts and feeling certain things, just pick yourself up and be the change," but he hasn't really taken it to the next level with constructive suggestions about how to do that. I think some people need the baby steps. So this posting leaves me more frustrated than enlightened and reads like more platitudes. He acknowledges that the emotions that stop us are powerful and as such are clearly not easily overcome. I would have appreciated more to think about in terms of concrete steps to take when one is feeling stuck or unempowered.

I have been a listener of Michael Josephson for a long time and agree with what he stands for -- character. If our politicians had as much character as Mr. Josephson, maybe our world would be a better place to live in. I try to live up to my belief that Character Counts and have passed this on to my children and grandchildren in hopes that they to will do the same.

Thank you Mr. Josephson for spreading the word that Character Counts!!

How does one cure this in another, particularly someone who has had this affliction for many years?

There is too much of "blame the victim" in this one. It reminds me of some things I've read where it is implied that if you are born into a horrible family, it is your fault because your soul chose that family!

I doubt that any child would choose to be born to alcoholic or drug-addicted parents who at their most benign ignore the child and at their worst abuse the child.

What about women who are trapped with abusive husbands who tell them that if they leave, they will hunt them down and kill them or, even worse, find a way to kill the children?

These are true victims, and I do not think it is appropriate to lump them in with people who are simply unhappy with their circumstances.

Words, so many words, life is too complicated and humans too! We are not victims, we are consequences of society. Pressure, unfairness, competition, violence, stress, depression, too many labels. People get sad, suffer, cry, lose their jobs, their houses, their dignity. We are not victims, we are the consequences.

I suffer from victimitis, but it's not my fault!

But seriously, I believe the path to taking control of our own lives starts with taking responsibility for, and controlling, our own actions, reactions, and inactions. Then work both ways from there.

And to Mother/Grandma/Teacher, the best you can do is to show that person their ways and how things could be better. It's up to him or her to change. That's how I see it.

to Laura:
If you're like me and my birth family, you will feel the feelings and you will think the thoughts. The choice is how you handle the thoughts and feelings, not whether you have them.
We see or hear about people who honor all the good thoughts about themselves and ignore any criticism. We also see people who honor all the complaints and criticisms and do not credit any compliments. Both of these attitudes are kept in place by habitual choices.
Remember that you don't have to honor every thought and every feeling you have. Examine the thoughts and feelings that aren't helpful and treat them as unhelpful (and likely untrue) messages, like junkmail or SpamMail.
I hope this helps. It works for me, at least sometimes.
Be well.

Just survived the worst year of my life, and it seems as if it will never end. My brother (only sibling) died suddenly and I had to pay for his funeral. Six weeks later I lost my dad. Am now conservator to Mom (who has been in and out of hospital multiple times since), all while enduring very difficult changes at work. Haven't had time to grieve, to think, to plan -- it's autopilot 24/7. None of this was my doing. It's easy, once in a while, to give in to self-pity and anger and fear, and I do once in a while. But my faith, my friends, and my certainty that God has my family safely in His hands is hope that reaches down and lifts me up again. As a teacher, I see so few children who are provided with that grounding in faith and with positive role models of adults who go through hell and come back wiser. If there's anything our children need, it's training in the resiliency skills that help us pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again. It's one thing to become a victim situationally; it's another to choose to live in that place because that's who I've become in my own mind. I'm working hard to come back -- however many times I have to do it!

It was nice to finally read this - what a wake-up call. I have had a rough stretch for about three years - divorce, financial trouble, work issues, an additional bad relationship, and boy have I been suffering from victimitis. I am not typically a victim, but I wish I could have seen myself from the outside to see how pathetic I've allowed myself to act, the stories I've told and the blame I've dished out. Time to start being the man I know I am. Good luck to you all. PS Laura - you can't wait for someone else to tell you how not to be the victim, that just perpetuates your victimitis. You have to be your own answer.