Two dear friends were inflicted with the soul-searing, heart-rending pain of death. One lost her lifelong companion and soul mate, a gentle man who lived a good life of 70 years. The other had to say goodbye to her innocent newborn son, the victim of a neurological anomaly.
I've tried to process these personal tragedies in the context of notorious homicides including the killing of Ed Thomas, a beloved teacher-coach in Iowa who was shot by a mentally ill former player and the conscienceless murder of Byrd and Melanie Billings, a Florida couple revered for caring for and loving 19 children including a dozen with special needs.
How can we explain the deaths of the good and the innocent?
In his book When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner, whose young son died of a rare disease, shares his struggle to understand undeserved suffering and to keep his faith. He found no comfortable answers, thoughtfully discussing and ultimately rejecting classic answers given by religionists: God has a hidden purpose that we cannot and need not understand, suffering is a test or a lesson, or death leads our loved ones to a better place.
Rabbi Kushner writes that he finally found peace of mind when he gave up the idea that everything happens for a reason or that God causes or purposefully allows everything to happen. It's futile and foolish to expect the consequences of natural forces and human nature to conform to our notions of fairness. "God doesn’t send us the problem," he says. "He gives us the strength to cope with the problem."
If we want to move beyond our grief and find continuing meaning in our lives, we shouldn’t ask, "Why did this happen?" but "What am I going to do with the life I have now?"
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
* If this topic interests you, I hope you’ll read the book. I found it full of profound insights and thought-provoking assertions:
Regarding why some believe God is the cause of our suffering and that He wants us to suffer: "There may be another approach. Maybe God does not cause our suffering. Maybe it happens for some reason other than the will of God."
Regarding why nature is morally blind, without values, following its own laws and not caring who or what gets in the way: "God is not morally blind. I could not worship Him if I thought He was. God stands for justice, for fairness, for compassion. For me, the earthquake is not an act of God. The act of God is the courage of people to rebuild their lives after the earthquake and the rush of others to help them in whatever way they can."
Regarding why good people or innocent children aren’t spared: "Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out of control. That is why good people get sick and get hurt as much as anyone."
Regarding why emotional and physical pains exist: "Pain is the price we pay for being alive. When we understand that, our question will change from, 'Why do we have to be in pain?' to 'What do we do with our pain so it becomes meaningful and not just pointless empty suffering?' We may not ever understand why we suffer or be able to control the forces that cause our suffering, but we can have a lot to say about what the suffering does to us and what we become because of it. Pain makes some people bitter and envious. It makes others sensitive and compassionate. It is the result, not the cause, of pain that makes some experiences meaningful and others empty and destructive."
Regarding why bad things happen to good people: "Being human leaves us free to hurt each other, and God can't stop us without taking away the freedom that makes us human. God can only look down in pity and compassion at how little we have learned."
Regarding why God can’t or won’t at least stop man’s most barbaric acts: "Where was God in Auschwitz? It was not God who caused it. The Holocaust was at least as much of an offense to God's moral order as it is to mine, or how can I respect God as a source of moral guidance? I have to believe the tears and prayers of the victims aroused God's compassion, but having given man freedom to choose, including the freedom to choose to hurt his neighbor, there was nothing God could do to prevent it."