To raise moral kids, we can implement simple moral-building principles into our daily lives.
From our guest contributor, Michele Borba.
Here are a few practices from my book, Building Moral Intelligence, that make a difference in raising moral kids. Find ways to use these simple moral-building principles in everyday moments with your children.
To teach kids good behaviors, you must show kids what the virtue looks like in action. Reduce the lectures. Increase the visuals. Kids also learn more by seeing an example in context, not by hearing or reading about it.
Show the impact empathy (or respect, kindness, justice, etc). has on others so your child understands that it’s important.
If you want your child to feel for others, demand your child to feel for others.
Provide opportunities for your child to experience different perspectives and views.
Experiencing different perspectives helps children be able to empathize with others whose needs and views may differ from theirs.
Be sure your behaviors your kids watch are ones that you want them to copy.
If you want your child to act morally, then expect moral behaviors from them.
Talk about moral issues as they come up, so that your child can hear your moral beliefs. Set unplugged sacred family times when everyone in the house is unplugged, such as during family meals, car rides, outings or activities, and stick to them. Don’t relinquish your influence on your child’s moral development to digital devices. Kids don’t learn empathy, values or family memories by facing a screen.
Plainly explain your concerns to your child, set standards, and then stick to them.
Catch your child acting morally by describing what they did right and why you appreciate it.
To teach kids self-control, you must show kids self-control. Be a living example of self-control.
Refrain from always giving tangible rewards for your child’s efforts so they develops their own internal reward system.
Your home is the best place for your child to learn how deal with stressful situations. Don’t rob them of the opportunity to learn how to handle frustrations.
Gradually stretch your child’s ability to control their impulses and learn to wait.
Treat children respectfully so that they feel respected and are therefore more likely to treat others respectfully.
Tune up your child’s social graces and make courtesy a priority in your home. Manners are the benchmark for respect.
Do not tolerate any form of back talk or rudeness. Stop it before it spreads.
Supervise your child’s media consumption closely. Set clear family standards, and then stick to them! Make sure you are your child’s primary influencer of values.
Explain your moral standards to the other adults in your child’s life so you can work together.
Make sure you are a positive, affirming role model and surround your child with people of high character.
Take an active stand against cruelty and do not allow it.
Take time to tell and show kids how to be kind (or fair, just, honest, patient, frugal; whatever the virtue). Never assume they have that knowledge.
Kids don’t learn how to be kind from a textbook but from doing kind deeds.Encourage your child to lend a hand so they will understand the power of “doing good.”
Find books that are rich with moral dilemmas and ethical characters–like Anne Frank or The Letter from Birmingham Jail. Read and discuss them as a family. Fiction in particular (like To Kill A Mockingbird and Lord of the Flies) is proven to boost empathy.
The best way to teach kids any virtue is not through our lectures but through our example.
Become the living textbook of morality that you want your child to copy.
Teach your child from the time they are very young that no one is better than any other person.
Refuse to allow discriminatory remarks of any kind in your presence.
Get in touch with your own prejudices and be willing to change them so your child won’t learn them from you.
Nurture in your child a sense of pride in their culture, heritage, and identity.
Expose your child early to games, literature, and toys that represent a wide range of multicultural groups to boost their appreciation and acceptance for differences.
Encourage your child to participate in activities which promote diversity and nurture tolerance.
If you want your child to be fair, expect your child to be fair.
The easiest way to increase fairness is by reinforcing fair behaviors.
Encourage your child when they encounter unfair treatment to stand up for themselves and the rights of others.
Look for opportunities in your neighborhood or community and get involved together in making the world a better place. There is no more powerful way to boost kids’ moral intelligence than to get them personally involved in an issue of injustice and then encourage them to take a stand. They will learn that they can make a difference in the world.
There is no rewind button on parenting, so be intentional when it comes to building your child’s character. Parents who raise good kids don’t do so by accident!
Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, TODAY show contributor and author of 22 books including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.
Check out: micheleborba.com or follow her on Twitter @micheleborba.
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