One of the reasons is the way schools and parents deal with or ignore the underlying issues of integrity and character. For instance, a popular thing adults say to discourage kids from cheating is “You’re only cheating yourself.”

Of course cheating damages credibility and character, but it’s also dishonest and unfair. Cheaters don’t just cheat themselves. They cheat everyone affected by their cheating including honest students who are put at a competitive disadvantage and college admission officers and employers who think a student’s grade accurately reflects his or her competence. What’s more, cheaters dishonor their families, teachers, and schools.

When we tell kids they’re cheating themselves because they aren’t learning the material, we have to remember that most kids who cheat think what they’re asked to learn is unimportant. They’re quite comfortable not knowing the value of X or the capital of Zimbabwe. As to mastering skills, cynical and coldly pragmatic students believe that learning to cheat is more useful than learning the material.

Finally, it’s dangerous to promote self-centered, cost-benefit calculations about cheating in a way that ignores or minimizes the crucial moral issues of honesty and honor. Nearly two-thirds of high school students cheat on exams because they’re not afraid of getting caught and they get better grades.

To address the problem, we must promote integrity, not self-interest, and we must tell kids that whether they get away with it or not, cheating's wrong.

Of course, it helps if we really believe that.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

I want to put black hats on all the people who discredit their professions and disgrace themselves and their families by acts of dishonesty or uncontrolled desire.

Unfortunately, the closer I look at athletes, school administrators, corporate executives, cops, politicians, and priests who continually fill the newspapers with scandals and fuel the bonfire of cynicism, the more obvious it becomes that most of them are a mixed bag of virtues and flaws – not so different from you and me.

I point this out not to minimize or excuse bad conduct but to heighten awareness of how vulnerable we all are to moral blind spots. The best defense against the seductive dark side is a strong sense of integrity and a sleepless conscience.

Poet Edgar Guest put it this way:

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am.
I don’t want to dress myself up in sham.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see.
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire, flap its wings, and keep flapping until it gets there.

So it is with most things. Good intentions aren’t enough. It’s not what we want, say, or think that makes things happen; it’s what we do.

I frequently think of writing thank-you, birthday, and congratulatory notes. Unfortunately, only a sad few of these good sentiments ever make it to paper. Still, if I don’t look too closely, I can delude myself into thinking that based on my good thoughts I’m a gracious and grateful person. A truer and less admirable picture of my character is drawn by my actions.

In the end, we either do or don’t do. We either make the time to do the things we want to and should do or we make excuses. As Alfred Adler said, “Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.”

What do you want to do? Do you want to take a course, change your job, lose weight, make new friends, or spend more time with and appreciate more the ones you have?

What’s stopping you from jumping off the wire and flapping your wings?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

This anchor concept has greatly influenced our Pursuing Victory With Honor sportsmanship campaign and spawned the term “teacher-coach.”

Although Coach Wooden was an extraordinary basketball skill-builder and strategist as well as an intense and passionate competitor who always wanted to win, his teaching domain went beyond athletics. He never measured the success of his coaching in terms of wins or championships. He understood that his unique relationship with his student-athletes gave him both the power and responsibility to shape their attitudes about honor, integrity, and fair play.

His highest goal was to bring out and enhance the best in the young men who played for him. Thus, he continually sought to instill in them a rich array of values and virtues associated with good character.

Today’s sports environment is so preoccupied with winning that teacher-coaches like Wooden seem to be a breed on its way to extinction. Let’s face it. Collegiate coaches are paid huge sums of money, and it’s not because they’re superb educators or character builders.

Millions of youngsters play sports. Think how much better they and society would be if they’re lucky enough to play for a teacher-coach. We shouldn’t settle for anything less.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays ever since I became a dad. I loved the earnest discussions of who my kids wanted to be, and I enjoyed watching them timidly ring bells and triumphantly return showing the treasures they’d collected – all capped off by counting, sorting, and trading items from gigantic piles of sugar-loaded loot.

Well, my Halloween Daddy Days ended this week. For the first time in 16 years, my wife Anne and I stayed home to dole out goodies to other people’s children.

All but one daughter dispersed to different parts of the city to share the evening with their friends. And the one who decided to troll our neighborhood had her own entourage and no need or desire for parental chaperones.

And so, like millions of parents before us, Anne and I sighed, marveled, and cried a little wondering where the time had gone.

The answer, of course, is that all those years are wrapped like candy in moment-sized packets. Giggles, tantrums, hugs, squeals of joy, sobs of pain, and so much more fill the treat bag in our hearts.

The thing is, we can’t spend too much time looking back because too much is still ahead. We must pay close attention and savor every moment knowing in four more years we’ll be missing the days we have right now.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

These words of unknown origin tell us that our silent and often subconscious choices shape our future. Every aspect of our lives, at home and at work, can be improved if we use our power to think, reflect, and make conscious choices about our thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, and habits.

Instead, many of us think of ourselves as victims. We complain about our circumstances and what others did to us. Whatever psychological comfort there is in feeling powerless and blameless when things aren’t going right, victims lead unsatisfied lives in the end.

We’re most vulnerable to victimitis when we’re under the influence of powerful emotions like fear, insecurity, anger, frustration, grief, and depression. These feelings can be so overwhelming that we believe our state of mind is inevitable. Our only hope is that they’ll go away on their own. Yet it’s during times of emotional tumult that using our power to choose our thoughts and attitudes is most important. We can’t make pain go away, but we can refuse to suffer.

Even when we don’t like any of our choices, we do have some – once we realize we can take control. It isn’t easy, but what we do and how we choose to feel about ourselves can have a profound impact on the quality of our lives. Victims may get sympathy for a while, but that isn’t nearly enough.

Taking personal responsibility for our happiness and success can be scary, but the payoff is enormous. Although we can’t make our lives perfect, we can make them better – usually a lot better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

1. Cynicism (the belief that lying and cheating are necessary to success) is one of the most significant and reliable predictors of dishonest behavior in the adult world. Unfortunately, the disease of cynicism is overtaking our youth. Teens and young adults are three to five times more likely than those over 50 to believe that lying and cheating are necessary to succeed. Why should we care? Because cynics are two to three times more likely to lie to a customer or boss, to inflate an expense or insurance claim, or to lie to their spouse or significant other about something important.

2. Partly as a result of this cynicism, younger generations are significantly more likely to engage in all forms of dishonest conduct than those who are older.

3. Character in high school matters. Regardless of their current age, people who cheated on exams two or more times in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest later in life.

The bottom line: Unless educational interventions alter these negative dispositions and behavior patterns, the amount of dishonesty and corruption across all social institutions is likely to increase significantly.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Learn more about this new study here.

If I asked that question of the people who know you well, how many would name you? Almost all? About half? Just a few?

Unless this commentary makes you more humble, you will probably be among the vast majority who say that half or more of the people they know would think of them as an ethical role model. That’s highly unlikely. It’s more probable that almost no one you know would put you at the top of the list. Let’s face it, that’s a tough roster to get on.

Surveys show that about 95 percent of us want others to think of us as highly ethical, so our delusion of grandeur regarding our moral reputation is probably a case of wishful thinking. But wishful thinking won’t do it.

I wish I were thin. Unfortunately, my slim ambitions won’t change my waist size. For me, thinness will be an elusive dream until I convert my desire to actions: exercising regularly and eating moderately.

It’s the same with being ethical. Most of us suffer from moral flabbiness. This doesn’t mean we’re bad, but it does suggest we can be better. What we need is a “Be a Better Person” fitness program to tone up our character and strengthen our ethics. Just like working on our waist, hips, or arms, we could work on our honesty, fairness, and responsibility.

Who knows? If you really work at it, you could even make the list.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you to stay ethically fit because character counts.

According to a well-traveled story, when Tillie died in her 90s, her friends were taken aback when they viewed her body and noticed a fork in her right hand. Tillie knew this would provoke questions, and she had instructed her pastor to give anyone who asked about the fork a copy of a signed note from her that read:

“I’m glad you asked about the fork. I’ve been to lots of church socials and potluck dinners in my life, and one thing I’ve noticed is when the dishes and flatware for the main course are being cleared, someone usually says, ‘Keep your fork.’ I loved that part because I knew dessert, the best part of dinner, was coming. So even as I pass from this life, I wanted a fork in my hand to remind you that the best is yet to come.”

British wit Samuel Johnson called hope a species of happiness. To the extent we can discipline ourselves to choose our attitudes, it only makes sense to think positively and be hopeful.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

In 1992, the Joseph & Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics invited 30 leading educators and representatives from religious and secular youth-serving organizations to a conclave in Aspen, Colorado, to develop a strategy to overcome resistance to teaching values. What resulted was an eight-sentence proclamation called the Aspen Declaration:

1. The next generation will be the stewards of our communities, nation, and planet in extraordinarily critical times.
2. In such times, the well-being of our society requires an involved, caring citizenry with good moral character.
3. People do not automatically develop good moral character; therefore, conscientious efforts must be made to instruct young people in the values and abilities necessary for moral decision-making and conduct.
4. Effective character education is based on core ethical values rooted in a democratic society; in particular, trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, caring, fairness, justice, civic virtue, and citizenship.
5. These core ethical values transcend cultural, religious, and socioeconomic differences.
6. Character education is, first and foremost, an obligation of families and faith communities, but schools and youth-service organizations also have a responsibility to help develop the character of young people.
7. These responsibilities are best achieved when these groups work in concert.
8. The character and conduct of our youth reflect the character and conduct of society; therefore, every adult has the responsibility to teach and model core ethical values, and every social institution has the responsibility to promote the development of good character.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

I think we’re doing a good job, but we know that isn’t enough. We worry about the values and character of other parents’ kids who may befriend, date, or marry our girls. And we worry about what our kids will learn in classrooms, playgrounds, and sports fields about things like honesty and honor, respect and responsibility, kindness and compassion, and service and self-discipline.

Although conscientious parents attentive to the moral education of their children can do a great deal to lay a solid foundation of positive values, lessons taught at home will be either reinforced or undermined by teachers, coaches, and others. Quite simply, when we shape values, we shape lives.

We can’t be value-neutral when we interact with kids because everything we say and do sends a message about what we believe and what we value, and these messages are part of the character-development process. If we refuse to promote positive values, we inadvertently demean them.

That’s why I’m such an ardent advocate of purposeful and pervasive values education. I want all the adults who help shape the attitudes and habits of my children to consciously and competently teach, enforce, advocate, and model positive character traits like trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship – the Six Pillars of Character.

Since this is National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week, it’s a great opportunity for you to consider whether schools in your area, or organizations you’re involved with, could be more directly involved in this vital effort.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts

To be honest, I’m not only proud but amazed at how big the CHARACTER COUNTS! movement has become. It reaches more than 7 million young people and their families every year.

In 1992, when I started CHARACTER COUNTS!, a movement promoting character development based on universal moral values, most schools and youth-serving organizations steered away from teaching values.

Fearing values-based teaching would incite protests or lawsuits, they adopted a position of value neutrality grounded in what I call “moral agnosticism” – a position that denies or doubts the existence of common ethical values that transcend cultural, religious, and socioeconomic differences.

CHARACTER COUNTS! is based on the premise that value neutrality on core issues like truth, respect for human dignity, and justice is itself immoral and that schools and other organizations that help shape youngsters’ ethical perspectives have a moral duty to promote six character traits we call the Six Pillars of Character: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and good citizenship.

There was plenty of opposition at first. Some couldn’t believe a strategy based on shared values wasn’t a ploy to promote a religious or political ideology. Others, ignoring research and common sense, dismissed character development efforts as either impossible or ineffective.

The battle is hardly over, but as the millions celebrating CHARACTER COUNTS! Week prove, we’re getting stronger and we’re not going away.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Please visit charactercounts.org to find what’s being done. Go here to view this year’s Senate Resolution and Presidential Proclamation. Go here to view Senator Chris Todd’s endorsement speech before the Senate.

Reviewing the wide range of casual or careless lies told by parents to change behavior or manipulate emotions supports the observation that “the road to Hell is often paved with good intentions.”

Although honesty is an important virtue, I’m not a truth-telling fanatic. Truth can sometimes be sacrificed for another ethical value, and it’s sometimes okay to praise a present you dislike or choose kindness over candor.

My bedrock premise is that trust is more important than truth.

Playing with the truth is like playing with fire. It’s sometimes justified, but it’s unfailingly precarious. Lies are almost always bad because they almost always destroy trust.

Thus, before you decide that your noble intentions justify a lie, ask yourself: “If the person I lie to finds out the truth, will he or she thank me for caring or feel betrayed?” In other words, is the lie likely to damage trust?

Here are some other guidelines:

• Be sure the benefit you’re trying to gain by lying is important enough to risk a loss of trust.


• Don’t lie if you can accomplish your noble goal without lying (remember, necessity is not a fact, it’s an interpretation).


• Be careful that the lie doesn’t cause serious unintended consequence (e.g., telling a child that a monster will take him or her away could generate serious long-term anxiety).

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Parents make up all sorts of lies to get their children to behave. Many parents admit to telling their kids that something bad, sometimes something very bad, will happen if they don’t brush their teeth, eat their vegetables, go to sleep, or stop crying. Threats included: a monster will get you, you’ll get pimples, or the police will take you away. Sometimes the lie promised something nice: you’ll become a beautiful princess or you’ll develop superpowers.

Parents also make up lies so their children won’t worry about their dad who lost a job or an upcoming divorce or to make them feel better about a dog that ran away (“He’s at a farm in the country”), an uncle who died (“He turned into a star to look out for you”), or their dad who was sent to prison (“He died a hero in a fire”).

I wasn’t surprised that parents lie to their children. After all, I recently told how I lied to my 4-year-old when she thought she was going to die from swallowing a blue stone. What struck me is how often parents lie and how careless, cruel, or shortsighted some of their falsehoods are. What’s more, many lies are totally unnecessary and unguided by any moral or practical principle. I’ll talk more about his tomorrow.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* “Parenting by Lying” by Gail D. Heyman, University of California, San Diego, and Diem H. Luua and Kang Leeb, University of Toronto, Canada. Journal of Moral Education, Vol. 38, No. 3, September 2009, pp. 353-369.

**Seventy-four percent of parents tell their children that lying is wrong, allowing for no exceptions. Sixteen percent tell them that lying may be acceptable under some circumstances.

Professional sports and even highly competitive intercollegiate sports seem irreversibly addicted to the idea that sports is basically a business and that the only thing that makes sports profitable is winning. And if that means we have to tolerate egocentric self-indulgent showboating or whining, violence or even cheating, so be it. Clearly these attitudes have invaded youth sports as well. Everywhere we see that a lot of adults -- both coaches and parents -- need to grow up and realize the game is not about either their egos or ambitions.

The appropriate mission of youth sports is to provide kids a safe environment in which they have fun, build character, learn to practice sportsmanship, and develop skills and traits that help them become responsible citizens and live happy, healthy lives. Striving to win is an important aspect of competition and teaching kids how to compete effectively and honorably is important, but youth sports is not primarily about winning; it's about trying to win and learning through effort and improvement.

Of course winning is fun and kids like to win, but it's the adults who distort the experience because of their need to win. No matter how much we try, only a few youngsters will move beyond high school sports, and an even tinier percentage will make a living from athletics. But when youth sports is done right, every participant can build positive life skills and gain lifelong memories from the pursuit of victory with honor.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Learn more about Josephson Institute's sportsmanship programs here.