Abe was fiercely independent, even at age 85, but after a mild stroke his son insisted he move in with him. Abe missed going to the park near his old apartment, and one Saturday he set out to find it.

When he became disoriented, he asked a young boy named Timmy where the park was. Timmy said he’d like to take him there, but he didn’t have time because he was looking for God. He said he needed to talk to Him about why his parents were getting a divorce.

“Maybe God’s in the park,” the old man said. “I’d like to talk to Him, too, about why He’s made me useless.” And so they set off together to find God.

At the park, Timmy began to cry about the divorce, and Abe lovingly held his face in both hands and looked him straight in the eyes. “Timmy, I don’t know why bad things happen, but I know it wasn’t because of you. I know you’re a good boy and your parents love you and you’ll be okay.”

Timmy gave Abe a big hug and said, “I’m so glad I met you. Thanks. I think I can go now.”

From across the street, Timmy’s mother saw them hug and approached her son in a worried voice. “Who was that old man?”

“I think he’s God,” Timmy said.

“Did he say that?” she demanded.

“No, but when he touched me and told me I’m going to be okay, I felt really better. Only God can do that.”

When Abe got home, his son asked in a scolding voice, “Where were you?”

“I was in the park with God.”

“Really? What makes you think you were with God?”

“Because He sent me a boy who needed me, and when the boy hugged me, I felt God telling me I wasn’t useless anymore.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:58 AM | Permalink | Comment (7)

I once saw a Memorial Day cartoon depicting a car passing an ignored military cemetery alongside a well-travelled country road. Not even noticing the cemetery, the driver says, to his wife: “Blanket? Cooler? Grill? Hot dogs? Did I forget anything?”

Yes, he did. Like his countrymen who neglected the cemetery, he forgot to remember why he had the day off.

In an effort to revitalize interest in honoring all military men and women who died in the service of their country, a Presidential Proclamation was issued in 2000 establishing a “National Moment of Remembrance” and declaring:

Memorial Day represents one day of national awareness and reverence, honoring those Americans who died while defending our Nation and its values. While we should honor these heroes every day for the profound contribution they have made to securing our Nation's freedom, we should honor them especially on Memorial Day [by encouraging] Americans everywhere to pause for one minute at 3:00 p.m. local time on Memorial Day, to remember and reflect on the sacrifices made by so many to provide freedom for all.

Including those who died in the first half of 2011, more than 600,000 countrymen have been killed fighting for their country. A moment of solemn reflection is such a tiny payment for such a great service. And if you miss the opportunity at 3 p.m., please find another time to express your gratitude.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:53 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

As we approach the Memorial Day weekend in the wake of the heightened sense of patriotism and pride resulting from the demise of Osama Bin Ladin, it’s important that we do so with genuine gratitude.

Originally called “Decoration Day,” the holiday began with a proclamation in 1868 by General John Logan designating May 30th as a day to place flowers on or otherwise decorate the graves of soldiers who died in the Civil War. Soon thereafter, the annual tradition of visiting cemeteries and holding parades to honor fallen soldiers in all American wars became widespread.

But it wasn’t declared a national holiday until 1971 when Congress changed the name and moved the date to the last Monday in May, creating a new three-day weekend. Unfortunately, these changes make it easy to forget or ignore the Day’s solemn purpose, and, for many Americans, Memorial Day is just the unofficial beginning of summer (e.g., “the day public pools open”) and an opportunity to stay home from work or school to picnic with soda, beer, and barbecues.

In an attempt to restore the reverential tradition of the day, Congress in 2000 created a National Moment of Remembrance calling on all Americans to pause at 3 p.m. local time to observe a minute of silence devoted to contemplation or prayer in honor of our fallen heroes.

I hope you will take at least that minute to reflect on and express gratitude for the immense and immeasurable sacrifice of millions of soldiers who fought for and died protecting the freedoms and privileges we all enjoy. And while you are at it, think about and thank the thousands of American troops who are still in harm’s way in Iraq and Afghanistan.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:48 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Disdain for money is a common theme among moralists and philosophers. But money’s not the problem. It’s what people do to get it and what they do with it when they get it.

In Fiddler on the Roof, a poor man sings of his daydreams of the wonderful life he’d have if he were a rich man. And surely it would be better. As someone once said, “I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich. Rich is better.”

Yet the Biblical warning that “Love of money is the root of all evil” reminds us to be aware of the difference between need and greed.

It’s one thing to make money a central goal to escape poverty and provide for basic necessities. It’s quite another when money becomes our primary motivation and measure of success, or when we equate happiness or worthiness with wealth.

The love of money can have a powerful narcotic effect on our values. It can push us toward or keep us in unhealthy relationships and unsatisfying careers. It can lead us to undervalue the importance of relationships and work. The desire for money can make us into workaholics who neglect family and friends. And it can spawn dishonorable conduct that pollutes our souls and makes us unworthy despite our net worth.

According to an old Hasidic saying, “One who thinks money can do everything is likely to do anything to get it.”

Perhaps the French philosopher Rousseau said it best: “The money you have can give you freedom, but the money you pursue enslaves you.”

The challenge is to put the value of money in perspective. In the end, the question is: How much are you willing to pay to have money?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:34 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

I want my kids to be smart and successful, but I also want them to be good. I want them to be the kind of people other parents would like to see their kids marry. I also want them to make sound, values-based decisions that will help them be safe and happy.

So, like most parents, I spend lots time trying to instill in them virtues like honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness, and kindness.

But building character is more complicated than teaching math or manners. It involves the heart as well as the head. The goal is to make good thoughts and conduct a matter of habit. I want my children to know what’s good, want what’s good, and do what’s good.

Effective character-building is captured in the acronym T.E.A.M. – teach, enforce, advocate, and model.

We teach character by promoting and developing the values and ethical virtues that make up a good person – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship. We need to be sure kids understand what each of these traits looks like.

We entrench these values by enforcing them, by backing up our rhetoric with appropriate consequences. What you allow, you encourage.

Advocating values means passionately and relentlessly stating our commitment to good character so our children have no doubt what we want for them and expect from them.

Finally, and most crucial, we must teach positive values by example, modeling the virtues we want to see in our children. We teach values by the way we deal with pressures, frustrations, fatigue, and other everyday actions, especially what we say and do when we think no one’s looking.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

The serious damage done to our economy, social institutions, and personal relationships by widespread cheating and dishonesty is bad enough. But widespread acceptance of such behavior as inevitable threatens to make our future a lot worse. In effect, our culture is being infected by a disease: the disease of low expectations.

The disease is manifested by the corrosive assumption that human nature can’t be expected to withstand pressures or temptations. In other words, when there’s a conflict between self-interest and moral principles, self-interest – in fact, short-term self-interest – will generally prevail.

Thus, whenever a politician lies to get elected, a student cheats to get into college, or an executive commits fraud to save a job or earn a bonus, we blame the system rather than the individual. Under the influence of the disease of low expectations, an increasing army of apologists argue that both the carrot and the stick – previously thought to be valid motivating techniques – should be condemned and eliminated as corrupting influences that create irresistible pressures to cheat.

A school superintendent in Iowa once told me, “Cheating isn’t the problem; it’s the way we test.” We can’t expect students not to cheat, he implied, especially when the stakes are so high.

I wonder whether he would be as comfortable with a similar explanation of recent corporate scandals: “Fraudulent accounting isn’t the problem; it’s the way we compensate executives.”

Don’t buy into this dreadfully pessimistic and perverted perspective about human nature. Cheating is wrong and harmful. Integrity is real and possible. It just takes character.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Five birds are sitting on a telephone wire. Two decide to fly south. How many are left? Most people would say three. Actually, all five are left. You see, deciding to fly isn’t the same as doing it.

If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire, flap its wings, and keep flapping until it gets there.

So it is with most things. Good intentions aren’t enough. It’s not what we want, say, or think that makes things happen; it’s what we do.

I frequently think of writing thank-you, birthday, and congratulatory notes. Unfortunately, only a sad few of these good sentiments ever make it to paper. Still, if I don’t look too closely, I can delude myself into thinking that based on my good thoughts I’m a gracious and grateful person. A truer and less admirable picture of my character is drawn by my actions.

In the end, we either do or don’t do. We either make the time to do the things we want to and should do or we make excuses. As Alfred Adler said, “Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.”

What do you want to do? Do you want to take a course, change your job, lose weight, make new friends, or spend more time with and appreciate more the ones you have?

What’s stopping you from jumping off the wire and flapping your wings?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:19 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

A former successful college coach and athletic director once wrote me a note about the state of college sports.

The pressure to win in high-profile schools is so great, he said, that it’s almost impossible to resist rationalizing. When competitors cheat or engage in other unethical conduct, the tendency is to redefine the ground rules for competition rather than be at a disadvantage.

He compared the way win-hungry boosters blur the vision and undermine the integrity of coaches and administrators with the way money-hungry shareholders stress stock prices, which promotes accounting manipulation and other ethical shortcuts.

In sports, outsiders who aren't concerned with a college’s educational mission or notions of sportsmanship and character building promote a “no excuses” demand on coaches that can transform an athletic program into a business driven by the pursuit of money and glory.

In business, shareholders (from day traders to money managers of mutual and pension funds) who aren't concerned with the ethics or long-term viability of a company create pressures and incentives that can promote short-term decision making and undermine the economic and moral health of their firm.

We need people to act as guardians who will understand and protect the soul of their enterprise. Coaches should be allowed to think about more than winning, and business executives should be given the opportunity to consider more than stock prices and short-term profits.

If we don’t recalibrate our incentive systems and insulate coaches and managers from unhealthy influences, things will only get worse.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

An angry woman once approached me after a speech to tell me off. “It’s easy for you to talk about my responsibility to speak out or object to waste or wrongdoing,” she said, “but I’m a single mother and my highest duty is to keep my job. If that means occasionally looking the other way, so be it. You have no business trying to make me feel guilty for putting my family first.”

As the father of five, her criticism hit hard, and it took me a while to sort it through. I think we have to be careful about using our families as an excuse for choices that diminish our integrity. Financial security is surely important, but so is the moral example we set for our children and the foundation we give them to build their lives on.

Suppose you’re faced with a difficult choice at work where you think you may be fired if you do what’s right. Which is the better gift to your family: 1) to compromise your principles and send the message that you can’t always afford to be ethical, or 2) to show that you can always afford ethics, that whatever happens you can make it, and that in this family, character matters and no job is worth dishonor?

Sometimes the dues we pay to maintain integrity are high, but the ultimate cost of moral compromise is much higher. In fact, the more an act of honor costs, the more it’s worth. Every example of moral courage contributes to a lasting legacy that our children can and will be proud of all their lives. Don’t give that up for the short-term benefits of security.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:18 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status.

Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t have peace of mind, self-respect, and enduring loving relationships.

Peace of mind doesn’t preclude ambition, desire for material possessions, or high position, but it assumes a fundamental foundation of contentment, gratitude, and pride – a belief that whatever one has is enough and an active appreciation for the good things in life.

Feeling successful can generate satisfying emotions of self-worth, but feeling significant – that one’s life really matters – is much more potent. Peter Drucker, the great management guru, captured this idea when he wrote of the urge many high achievers have to “move beyond success to significance.”

The surprise for many is that one of the surest roads to significance is service. It doesn’t have to be of the Mother Teresa missionary variety. Parents who sacrifice their comfort and pleasure for their children are performing a service, as are teachers, public-safety professionals, members of the military, and volunteers who work for the common good.

In addressing graduates, Albert Schweitzer said, “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:38 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

Trustworthiness is essential to good relationships, and honesty is essential to trustworthiness. Being honest isn’t simply telling the truth, though. It’s also being sincere and forthright. Thus, it’s just as dishonest to deceive someone by half-truths or silence as it is to lie.

But what if honesty requires us to volunteer information that could be damaging or hurtful?

For example, should you say something when a coworker begins to dress or act in a way that’s generating ridicule and damaging his or her credibility? What if you discover your friend’s husband is having an affair? Do you tell your brother bad things you know about a woman he’s getting involved with?

It’s easy to rationalize silence in such volatile situations because it’s less dangerous for you. Telling hard truths, however well-intended, can seriously damage relationships. On the other hand, silence can be viewed as a betrayal of trust if it’s later discovered that you withheld information.

When considering conveying a hard truth, and the principles of honesty, respect, and caring are in conflict, there’s no single right thing to do. In such moments, heed these four critical factors:

1. Motive. Be sure and pure about your reasons. Your intentions must be honorable, and you must have the well-being of your friend at heart. It’s not about you.
2. Tact. Choose and prepare your words carefully. If necessary, rehearse to lessen the chance that you’ll speak impulsively or inappropriately.
3. Tone. When speaking, avoid self-righteousness or accusations.
4. Timing. Pick a place and time that will lend itself to a frank interchange.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Dave had to undergo painful throat surgery. Since he wasn’t a young man and made his living as a professional speaker, the experience was frightening and traumatic.

He told me his surgeon was skilled and the hospital workers were competent, but the cold indifference of the parade of nurses and doctors who came in and out of his room was one of the most depressing, demoralizing, and dehumanizing experiences of his life.

They treated his disease rather than treating him as a person with a disease, often talking in front of him as if he were a dumb animal who couldn’t understand or wouldn’t mind what they were saying. Although they were assigned to his care, they acted as if they didn’t care. Their behavior was outright toxic.

I can understand why medical practitioners keep an emotional distance from human suffering as a form of self-protection. And I understand how confronting difficult and demanding patients as well as pain, disease, and death on a daily basis can form calluses around one’s heart. But when professional distance translates to disrespect, it’s a form of malpractice.

The job of medical professionals is not simply to cure disease but to care for the overall well-being of patients. They do their job best when they help patients get better and help them feel better.

What saved him, Dave said, wasn’t the pain-killing drugs but the attitude of a few nurses who uplifted his spirits by simple acts of human decency – a smile, a kind word, a compassionate expression or tone – that conveyed the message that they truly cared.

We have to love and admire those who can bring their hearts to their work, knowing that mental sunshine and flowers are powerful medicines.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:06 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

As a former law professor, I know all about loopholes.

I trained students to find omissions and ambiguities in wording — a perfectly legal way to evade the clear intent of laws and agreements. After all, that’s what lawyers are paid to do. And, despite commonly expressed disdain when lawyers do this, that’s precisely what most clients want and expect when they hire a lawyer.

Because long-standing traditions, the rules of professional conduct, and the marketplace support the search for and exploitation of loopholes, I don’t condemn either lawyers or clients who seek the advantages of this less-than-noble and socially corrosive practice. But I have come to believe that strategies to evade the spirit of laws and promises put our integrity on a slippery slope.

Former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once said, "There is a big difference between what we have a right to do and what is right to do." People of character often do less than the law allows and more than the law requires.

Further down the integrity slope is the common practice of misrepresenting or mischaracterizing facts, lying about true intentions, or falsely denying one’s knowledge or recollection of something. Whatever moral ambiguity may cloak the use of legal loopholes, these practices are fundamentally dishonest and dishonorable.

For example, a common ploy encouraged by politicians and used by political contributors to evade limits on campaign contributions is to donate funds in the name of minor children. Falsely representing that the children actually exercised control and independent judgment isn’t a clever loophole, it’s a fraud.

The same is true for executives who back-date documents, workers who falsely claim to be sick, and parents who lie about their address to get a child into a better school or about a child’s age to qualify for a discount.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:56 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Let's face it. Painful personal trauma and tragedy – like illness or injury, death of a loved one, loss of a job, or an unexpected breakup of a relationship – are unavoidable. The question is: Will these private calamities erode our capacity to be happy or cause us to become stronger and better able to live a meaningful and fulfilling life?

Consider how differently carrots, eggs, and ground coffee beans are affected by the extreme adversity of being boiled. Like a carrot, adversity can soften us. We can emerge more flexible, understanding, compassionate, and grateful, or we can let our life spirit turn into a soft mush.

Like an egg, boiling water can make us harder, stronger, tougher, and wiser, or we can become more cynical, pessimistic, callous, and inaccessible.

And like a coffee bean, we can willingly transform our lives into something better or lose ourselves completely.

We can't control what happens to us, but we have a lot to say about how we react and, therefore, what happens in us. The first step to turning adversity into advantage is to get out of the hot water as quickly as possible. Don't dwell on catastrophe. Grieve, but move on. Don't define your life by misfortune.

Second, force yourself to move forward. Draw on your inner strengths, the people who love you, and your faith to transform your life into something better. Formulate a vision of a more purposeful life filled with people and experiences that will help you become more fulfilled.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

One of the most insightful and useful books I’ve ever read is a small volume by Harold Kushner called Living a Life That Matters.

Today, I want to suggest ways of getting the most out of books, at least nonfiction books, which is about all I read.

Reading shouldn’t be a passive experience. If you allow yourself to be absorbed in the interaction of the author’s thoughts and your reactions, it’s like a great conversation. I know lots of people think it’s a sin to mark up a book; I think it’s a waste to leave it untouched.

I reread complex, clever, and profound passages several times. I underline them, make notes in the margin, fold back pages, do whatever I can to highlight the parts I found useful or inspirational so I can find them again.

When a passage stimulates thoughts, I immediately write them in the margins or on the blank pages in the front or back of the book. A really good book has me thinking as much as reading, and I never read a book in one sitting. When I restart the book, I revisit my notes like they were old friends.

Both during and after the book I try to communicate what I’ve learned or the new ideas generated in conversations, letters, and even these commentaries. New insights are a great gift, and I think we should share them. I liked Kushner’s book so much that I bought 30 copies and gave them as gifts.

While writing this piece, I realized that the way I approach books is also a decent way to approach life: Live it fully and completely at the time, and live it by remembering it and sharing it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:49 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

In his book, If I Were to Raise My Family Again, John Dreschler tells of a little boy trying to get his father’s attention after scraping his knee.

His dad impatiently looks up from his paper and barks, “Well, what can I do about it?”

The boy, hurt by his harsh response, shrugs and says, “You could say ‘Ouch.’”

You could say ouch. What a wonderful metaphor to remind us of the power and importance of caring and taking the time to show it. The boy wasn’t asking his dad to solve a problem; he was simply trying to share an event.

Because I have a tendency to focus on fixing rather than feeling, I too have to remind myself that empathy is not an intellectual ability; it’s an emotional quality with healing power that works only when expressed. Sometimes just listening and showing genuine interest and compassion is all that’s needed. With four young daughters and a sensitive wife, I’m still learning that tenderness is more important than toughness.

When my kids were little, the remedy for every “ouchie” was a kiss from mommy or daddy directly on the wounded area. In serious cases, a bandage was also required. It’s easy to laugh at, but there’s something truly wonderful about how often a loving kiss makes things better for young children.

We shouldn’t underestimate the healing power of sincere compassion, concern, and affection. And we ought to try it more on adults. Take a moment to acknowledge their ouchies, too, and simply be there – with a kiss, a hug, or a kind word of consolation.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

One consequence of the continuing saga of Osama Bin Laden is that I failed to use the Friday before Mother’s Day to pay public tribute to the most important mother in my life, my wife Anne. Sadly, my own mother was taken by cancer from this mortal sphere when I was 18.

Invoking the “better late than never” principle, I want to correct this omission.

I know not every woman who has had a child has earned her right to a tattoo on her son’s arm or lives up to the angelic descriptions on greeting cards.

Being a mother, in the grandest sense of the word, is not simply a matter of biology. As the journalist Sydney Harris once said, having children no more makes a woman a mother than having a piano makes one a musician. It’s also true that giving birth does not automatically bestow either good judgment or good character.

Still, the overwhelming majority of moms are worthy of the privilege, and I’m proud to say Anne is one of them.

Despite her sky-high IQ, Ivy League diploma, master’s degree, and great talent, this extraordinarily beautiful, smart, and funny woman sublimated her personal ambitions to the relentless demands of full-time mothering of our four daughters for more than 10 years. It turns out that wasn’t the hardest part.

Once she decided she could pursue some personal ambitions outside of the home – she started and runs one of the most successful gymnastic academies in the country – the important and trivial demands of running a business and remaining a thoroughly devoted mom to four high-maintenance daughters intensified.

I don’t know how she does it. The few times I have to fill in to do just part of what she has to do every day, I get exhausted and frustrated. Yet without any hesitation or pretension, this successful CEO gracefully and continually takes on all the roles of an active mom, from counselor to chauffeur* -- and she does it spectacularly well.

Every mom deserves the flowers, cards, perfume, massages, and dinners out they get, but when the novelty or surprise of these tokens of appreciation wear out the one enduring gift we can give is deep and true gratitude. Thanks, Anne and all great moms like her for all you do.
__________

* Someone once said a mother spends hours delivering a child obstetrically and the rest of her life delivering them by car.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

Here's a small portion of my personal list expressing the beliefs I want to pass on:

1. I believe I'm a work in progress and there will always be a gap between who I am and who I want to be.
2. I believe every day brings opportunities to learn and to do something meaningful.
3. I believe the true test of my character is whether I do the right thing even when it might cost more than I want to pay.
4. I believe that no matter how I behave, some people will be mean-spirited, dishonest, irresponsible, and unkind, but if I fight fire with fire, all I'll end up with is ashes.
5. I believe life is full of joys and sorrows and my happiness depends on how well I handle each.
6. I believe pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, and if I can control my attitudes I can control my life.
7. I believe kindness really matters and snide and sarcastic comments and badly-timed criticisms can cause lasting hurt.
8. I believe there's joy in gratitude and freedom in forgiveness, but both require conscientious effort.
9. I believe what is fun and pleasurable is not always good for me and what is good for me is not always fun or pleasurable.
10. I believe no one is happy all the time, but in the end I can be as happy as I'm willing to be.
11. I believe the surest road to happiness is good relationships.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comment (1)

It’s not surprising that news of Osama bin Laden’s death would branch into scores of storylines that will fragment our attention and give plenty of opportunity for criticism.

The current target is the President’s decision to not release photos of bin Laden’s body, which some claim are needed to prove he’s really dead. It’s déjà vu all over again, a reprise of the insatiable demands of those who refuse to believe the President is an American. I don’t know who the doubters are, but I feel certain they won’t abandon their doubts even if they’re shown pictures.*

This counterfeit controversy is a distraction from much more serious and complicated issues:

• How will Congress determine whether the government of Pakistan was protecting bin Laden, and what are we going to do it?
• Does the finding of bin Laden support or undermine the claim that enhanced interrogation is both necessary and justifiable?
• When can we bring our soldiers home from Afghanistan?
• And, perhaps the trickiest question: how are we going to handle a fact it seems we are pretending not to know – the unarmed bin Ladin was assassinated in the same way he would have been if we'd dropped a drone missile on his compound?

If we are honest and fair-minded enough to objectively sort through masses of real and fake facts and wildly diverging opinions, we can eventually emerge from all this bin Laden- wrought havoc stronger, wiser, and more committed to our democratic and humanitarian principles. I think it’s going to be a real test of character.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
_____

* It’s hard to imagine how there can be serious doubters. Irrespective of the other forms of government evidence, including DNA and facial recognition, there is ample independent proof, including statements of bin Laden’s daughter. And if we didn’t kill bin Laden, why isn’t he telling the world how foolish we are?

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:36 AM | Permalink | Comment (6)

Yesterday I admitted I was glad and grateful to learn of Osama bin Laden’s death, an emotional reaction I’ve had some difficulty connecting to my principles as I became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of reveling in the death of another human being, even though he was a villain.

My niece Eliana helped me realize the complexity of the situation when she described her pride and exhilaration being part of a celebration at Ground Zero: “As I stood amongst a crowd of proud Americans, cheering and chanting and singing with American flags waving high,” she said, “I felt an uplifting sense of communal triumph.”

It was moving counterpoint to another posting by my niece Edana, responding to news that the following quotation was misattributed to Martin Luther King: “I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.”

Edana said, “Regardless of its source, it perfectly describes how I've been feeling but have unwilling to voice in fear of being misunderstood or seeming insensitive to the pain this horrible man has caused. While . . . the death of someone evil can be a blessing that saves many - I can't help but worry that it's humankind's ability to continue to find glee in the death of an enemy that perpetuates the vicious circle of violence.”

What do you think?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

_____

This is Eliana’s post:

I was just 9 years old. To me, the wars that we studied in history were distant memories, no longer a part of my reality. Then, one hot September morning, my parents walked into my room, pale with concern. My whole body was shaking as I waited for my parents to deliver the bad news, figuring someone I loved was dead. For me, a national crisis, a national horror was unimaginable. There was no such thing as a universal wound, a cut so deep it could be felt by a nation.

"The Twin Towers have been hit by a plane." I remember being led across the hall into my parents’ bedroom where the TV flashed images of the crumbling towers, disintegrating behind a cloud of black smoke, thinking it was a movie. Only months before, I had stood on those buildings. Yet now, those same buildings, seemingly the most powerful and unalterable in the world, were falling to rubble before my eyes.

With comprehension came fear. My grandparents were there, living in Jersey, only a ferry away. Luckily for me, however, both were safe, although I soon realized many others had not been as fortunate. It was then that I, 3000 miles away in Southern California, realized that true unity was not something to share only in celebration but also in heartache. It was something to lift you up in triumph as much as to pick you off the floor of defeat. I was only 9 years old but I was part of a nation that was in its third century and in that moment, we all stood together.

I am now 19 years old. To me, the world has always been full of fear and war. It was a chilly May night in New York City, roughly 10:30, when I flipped up my Facebook before bed. "Osama is dead." At first I figured it was a prank. For me, Osama was somewhat of a distant memory, an evil spirit associated more with his crimes than his being. "Osama is dead" Status after status, posting the same thing from friends all over the country. Then, a friend posted a link to a streaming video of President Obama's speech as he confirmed that Osama bin Laden was, in fact, dead.

I cannot explain how I felt in that moment, not because it is so profound, but rather because I am not truly sure how I do feel. On one hand, I am disturbed by the moral implications of rejoicing at a man’s, even an evil man’s, death. At the same time, however, I am not able to deny the relief that pulsed through me, knowing such a great threat no longer existed.

However, as I traveled to Ground Zero at 1 AM, dressed in red, white and blue, I wasn’t thinking about Osama’s death at all. For me, that wasn’t what this was truly about. Perhaps it is because I am only 19, but as I stood amongst the crowd of proud Americans in the crisp, early morning air, chanting and cheering and singing, as American flags waved high, I was not focused on death but on rebirth. Ten years ago, a 9-year-old little girl watched in awe as a nation stood together and shouted “we won’t give in.” Last night, a 19-year-old young woman watched as a nation stood together and shouted “we never gave up.”

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comment (37)

Former President Jimmy Carter was 70 years old when he wrote this poem about his father:

This is a pain I mostly hide,

But ties of blood or seed endure.

And even now I feel inside

The hunger for his outstretched hand.

A man's embrace to take me in,

The need for just a word of praise.

Isn't it extraordinary that even after a life of monumental achievements, President Carter still feels pain when he thinks of his father, who either could not feel or would not express love and approval? Unfortunately, there are many people in his shoes, left with bitter feelings and enduring wounds inflicted by their parents.

Yet not all bad parents are bad people. Caring parents can unintentionally injure children through excessive harshness or permissiveness, or through well-intended criticism and advice that comes out as relentless disapproval or oppressive negativity. Kids not only need to know they're loved, they need to feel worthy of our love. They need to be valued not simply because they're ours, but because of who they are.

It's never too late to try to fix whatever's broken:

• Express caring, pride, and approval more lavishly and often.
• Be less critical, more helpful, less controlling.
• Set aside your need to be right.
• Be less self-righteous and more respectful toward those you love.
• Be sincerely accountable and genuinely apologize, even if it's not enough.
• It's not always possible to fix things that are broken, but it's worth a try.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:39 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

As I began writing this commentary, CNN Newsroom was exploring in detail the fresh facts and implications of the death of Osama Bin Laden. Just one click away, HLN, CNN’s second station, was reviewing the wedding and after party of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

I hadn’t quite decided whether I was going to talk warmly about the fairy-tale quality of the wedding’s pageantry or poke fun at the excessive attention paid to this social event when news broke that American forces had tracked down and terminated Bin Laden.

Forget the wedding. The details of the raid (certain to be a movie someday) undoubtedly will fascinate us in the days to come, but the unadorned fact that the world’s most hunted and hated terrorist was finally caught and killed is momentous.

It’s been almost ten years since Bin Laden changed our world forever with the most diabolical and successful acts of terrorism in the history of the world.

"Nine-eleven" has become a phrase that explains how and when we became permanently preoccupied with fear of random violence from Islamic extremists.

So, like millions of others, I was elated to hear that our nation’s promise to bring to justice the mastermind of the murder of more than 2,000 innocent people was finally kept. I confess to discomfort rejoicing the death of another human being, but I won’t deny or disclaim my primal sense of vindication.

I hope Bin Laden’s overdue demise will make us safer in the long run and will precipitate the return of our troops from Afghanistan, but whether it does or not, I am glad and grateful that an avowed enemy without mercy is no longer a threat.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* It's an odd coincidence that the anniversary of Hitler's death is April 30, one day before the death of Bin Laden.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comment (17)