R-E-S-P-E-C-T – Aretha Franklin reminded us how it's spelled, but a lot of us need coaching on how to show it. In both personal and political relationships, the failure to treat each other with respect is generating incivility, contempt, and violence.

There's an important distinction between respecting a person in the sense that we admire and hold that person in especially high esteem and treating others with respect. While respecting others is desirable, respectfulness is morally mandatory. Thus, people of character treat everyone with respect, even those who are not personally respect worthy.

The way we behave toward others is an expression of our values and character. Thus, we should treat others with respect, not because they have a right but because we have a moral duty to do unto others the way we want them to do unto us. Again, it’s not because they deserve it, but because doing less would diminish our own character.

That's the message in an old story about a politician who caught himself being drawn into mud slinging and name calling. Once he realized he was lowering himself to his opponent's level, he stopped and said, "Sir, I will treat you as a gentleman, not because you are one, but because I am one."

It can take a lot of self control to be respectful to people who are nasty, dishonorable, or disrespectful to us. Still, our inner sense of integrity should help us resist temptations to "fight fire with fire." As Lily Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:15 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

As a full-time ethicist – can you believe there even is such a thing? – I spend lots of time talking and writing about right and wrong. One thing I've learned is that in the last analysis, consistently doing the right thing is easier said than done.

For one thing, it's not always easy knowing what's right. We want to believe that ethics is simple and that everything we needed to know we learned in kindergarten, but if that's so, I must have been absent that day. There are many situations where ethical values clash and there's no clear or simple right thing to do.

But even if we always knew what was right, consistently doing it isn't easy. Sometimes we just can't get everything we want by being honest and following all the rules. Ethics limits our options and can be a competitive disadvantage. So, when there's a gap between what we want to do (our desires) and what we should do (our ethical duties) we often rationalize or compromise. Thus, even basically good people lie occasionally, cheat just a little, and justify moral shortcuts. No one is perfect. It's human nature.

But it's also human nature to strive for moral perfection and to care about our character. That's the part of our nature we need to strengthen. A healthy and realistic goal is not to be perfect but to be constantly getting better. And one doesn't have to be sick to get better.

Yes, it often takes moral willpower to do the right thing when it costs more than we want to pay, but that's what character is all about. For all our cynicism about the growing hole in our moral ozone, there are lots of good people who resist temptations every day.

Sure there's a price, but there's also a big pay-off. You'll improve the quality of your life and set an example for your children.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

Larry wrote me the following letter: "I've been a small businessman for almost 23 years in a business where people lie, cheat, and steal. I'm sorry to say I became one of them. In the short term it may have helped, but long term it came back to haunt me. There's no amount of success that's worth it. I am now 48 years old. I have lost my good name; my values and my ethics have been destroyed. Is there any way I will ever be able to restore my reputation and lead a life of integrity?"

What a pity that so many people delude themselves into believing that traditional ethical principles like honesty and integrity don't apply in the business world. They govern their daily decisions by pragmatism – what works – without reference to principles – what's right. And, piece-by-piece, decision-by-decision, they sell their souls and sully their names until they find themselves naked and alone on the barren wasteland of moral compromise.

The good news is that Larry can start leading a life of integrity immediately. He can redeem himself and become a man of character simply by choosing to be honest, responsible, respectful, caring, and fair.

The bad news is that his reputation will take longer to restore. Character is what you really are; reputation is what people think of you. And since people are more likely to judge us by our last worst act rather than our most virtuous habits, rebuilding a reputation can take years of honorable living.

Still, each phase of one's life brings new opportunities for learning and growth, and if Larry wants it badly enough, the best part of his life is ahead.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:49 AM | Permalink | Comment (7)

Most of us have lied to get out of trouble. From childhood denials ("it wasn't me") to adult fabrications ("the check is in the mail"), what seem like harmless falsehoods easily fall off our tongues. And then we make up more excuses or tell more lies to protect the first one. Soon the "cover-up" is more serious and credibility-damaging than whatever it was that we lied about in the first place.

The natural tendency to avoid discomfort makes our lives more difficult in other ways as well. Some people damage or endanger their most important relationships at home or work by failing to acknowledge and deal with small problems that then fester into serious ones.

Here's a useful piece of advice: "When you're in a hole, stop digging." Whether our problems are of our own making or not, whether we know exactly how to resolve them or not, the first step is to stop making things worse. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming others. Stop ignoring our strong and persistent feelings. And stop dismissing and discounting what others are telling us about their needs and feelings.

Once we stop digging, we can work on getting out of the hole. It may take more honest self-reflection, self-restraint, or simple willpower. Perhaps we have to adjust our schedules or simply be more attentive and considerate. Sometimes the best thing to do is ask for help, and someone will throw us a rope.

Like so many aspects of character, this is often easier said than done. But when we manage our lives thoughtfully and with integrity, things do get better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:08 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

"My mind's made up. Don't confuse me with the facts."

This mindset seems to apply to both sides of what some call the "Ground Zero Mosque" project and others refer to as the "Not-So-Near Ground Zero Community Center" project (the neutral name is Cordoba House).

Whatever you call it, the controversy has ignited a fiery passion that just isn't going away.

And though I still am passionately committed to my belief that the opposition to the Cordoba House project is inherently un-American, I would believe this even if the structure was a true mosque with a dome and minarets. In fact, what we're talking about is a nondescript 13-story building with a large prayer room, a memorial to the 9/11 victims, classrooms, and a swimming pool. Hardly a visible insult to anyone.

Still, I've reluctantly changed my mind about the wisdom and propriety of building the Cordoba House at that site. I've come to accept that the protesters have effectively made this into a symbol that has and will continue to widen rather than span the chasm between Muslims and non-Muslims, and its stated purpose – to promote cross-cultural reconciliation – has been rendered unachievable.

I still find the opposing arguments baseless and often founded in prejudice and an improper notion of collective guilt (all Muslims are responsible for the acts of a few). Just as we would object to judging our country by the words and acts of the book-burning pastor or the torturers at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, the 1.5 billion Muslims subjected to suspicion and hostility because of the extremist acts of terrorists are wrongfully accused.

Nevertheless, I think a diplomatic retreat and relocation would be the lesser of bad choices. Every phase of the project is bound to generate more protests and divisive rhetoric. Nothing good will come of this.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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The time limitations of my commentary did not permit me to add these thoughts, which amplify or explain my change of heart.

There is ample evidence that the project was NOT conceived as gloating insult and no evidence that it will be a recruiting center for terrorists. Yes, some or many family members of the victims of 9/11 may object, but, as sensitive as I am to these feelings, they do not justify for me the institutionalizing of anti-Islamic prejudices.

Attempts to label Imam Abdul Rauf as an extremist are wildly off base – he has a long, documented history as a bridge builder seeking interfaith understanding, and he has explicitly denounced terrorism.

Thus, I surrender not because of the logical or moral weight of the opposition but as a practical realization that a few rabble-rousing politicians and political pundits have completely and conclusively shattered any hope that building the Cordoba House at the planned location will be a unifying factor.

This is not an easy option for the Imam, who has stated his belief that moving the Center to a different place would give Muslim extremists an excuse to engage in more violence, and therefore it endangers national security and puts individual Americans everywhere in the world at greater risk. Though the Imam recognizes an ethical obligation to consider and respect the feelings of his opponents and avoid retaliatory acts of terrorism, his assessment is that moving the Community Center would be more dangerous than sticking with the original plan.

Clearly the Imam has a right to his opinion and a right build his project anywhere he wishes, but, I'm sorry to say, I no longer think it's the right thing to do. First of all, I don't think the terrorist segment of the Muslim community needs any additional motivation to cause as much harm as they can and making a decision based on any prediction of the reaction of the extremists is unwise and unproductive. Even more importantly, however, I believe that continuing with the project will provide a continuous series of opportunities to fan the flames of growing anti-Islamic sentiment in this country.

There will be more demonstrations, and the rational voices on both sides will be drowned out by more hate and fearmongering zealots like Pastor Jones. This will most assuredly reinforce negative beliefs and feelings toward Islam, and that itself is a terrible outcome. What's more, if the Imam is right to worry about the reaction of international Muslim extremists, I feel quite certain that passionate opposition to the Community Center will take some very visible and ugly forms that will intensify anti-American feelings and, possibly, the number of Muslims willing to join the extremists.

Here are some facts that bear on the justifications given by many opponents and the impact of the ongoing controversy. (Most of the following facts come from an article posted on About.com.)

• The project will cost an estimated 100 million dollars. No funding has been sought or obtained (thus there is no evidence that it will be funded by extremist sympathizers) and the Imam has promised complete transparency in revealing funding sources. The Imam declared that all financing would be made public and that no funds would be accepted from extremist groups.

• The 13-story community center will have a memorial to the victims of 9/11 and will include separate prayer spaces for "Muslims, Christians, Jews, and men and women of other faiths."

• Park51 is located at 51 Park Place in Lower Manhattan, west of Church Street. The existing building was a Burlington Coat Factory that was damaged on 9/11. The building is 2-4 city blocks from where the North Tower of the World Trade Center used to stand.

• Lower Manhattan is quite small and crowded; there is no view of the WTC site from the building.

___

The following are direct excerpts from the About.com article:

Who are the people behind this? Are they coming in to gloat over our loss?
The Park51 project managers are long-time New Yorkers, who have worked in lower Manhattan for decades. Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, one of the key figures, has served as the prayer leader of a nearby Sufi mosque, located 12 blocks from Ground Zero, since 1983.

Where is the money coming from? Why don't they open their books?
Park51 is still in the very early stages, so this question is premature. No fundraising campaign has begun and no application for tax-exempt status has been filed yet. Funding for the development is expected to come from a combination of equity, financing, and contributions. Organizers have pledged that when the fundraising campaign begins, all laws will be followed and supervised by auditors and security consultants. The published Park51 policy states: "We will refuse assistance, financial or otherwise, from any persons or institutions who are flagged by our security consultants or any government agencies."

Don't Muslims already have a mosque in the area? They don't need another one!
Since July 2009, parts of the Park51 building have been used as an overflow Muslim prayer hall. There have been two other mosques in Lower Manhattan for decades. One is a very small building, which can only hold 65 people, affiliated with the mystical branch of Islam called Sufism. The other lost its lease in May 2009 and moved to a nearby basement. They must hold prayer services in shifts, as the space is only big enough to hold a fraction of worshippers at a time.

Isn't everyone opposed to this project?
A CNN poll in early August 2010 showed that 68% of Americans are opposed to the Park51 project at its current site. However, of the people who actually live and work in Manhattan, the majority are supportive of the development, according to another poll conducted by Quinnipiac University.

___

Here are some of the key findings of the study published by Quinnipiac University.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comment (71)

There is nothing subtle or ethically difficult about the threat of Pastor Terry Jones to burn Qur'ans or his rhetoric of hate for Islam and its most holy book.

Both his proposal to burn 200 Qur'ans on 9/11 and his anti-Muslim rants put him in the category of skinheads and Ku Klux Klan members. His brand of prejudice is supremely disrespectful and socially dangerous. Of course, he had a right to say and do what he wanted, but it wasn't right to do. It is, at root, both un-American and unchristian.

A more serious and complex ethical issue relates to the coverage afforded Rev. Jones by national media organizations.

I understand the dilemma of the news media when it comes to covering unusual events, but it was saturating media coverage that gave this pastor of a tiny church in Gainesville, Florida his five minutes of fame.

The media not only made the threat of this obscure radical clergyman a world-level event, they gave him a huge platform to spout his views. This was bad enough but the longer term danger is that the media's obvious lust for sensational stories created an incentive for kooks and publicity hounds to engage in provocative and outrageous conduct in the future.

The silver lining on this dark cloud is that the event has already generated intense internal reflection and debate in the responsible journalistic community. This will result in new standards and strategies regarding this sort of stunt.

Prior the scheduled burning, the Associated Press, New York Times and Fox News established policies to not publish any photos of the actual burning and to minimize coverage. We can only hope other agencies follow suit and that they really act on their new insights.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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For an interesting article on the journalism profession's response, click here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:38 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

I was surprised and pleased to hear Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben passionately speak out against the rising tide of American hostility to Muslims and their religion. I was surprised because I knew a large number of his congregants would disagree, and pleased because I admired his courage to tell his friends and followers things they didn't want to hear, and because his well-researched and eloquent sermon helped me clarify my own thoughts and conflicts.

His talk helped me separate three different but intertwined events: 1) Pastor Terry Jones' threat to publicly burn Qur'ans, 2) the plan to build a mosque and community center two blocks from Ground Zero, and 3) escalating anti-Islamic feelings and rhetoric characterizing Islam as a religion of violence and hate.

Ethical issues and implications spew from these controversies like hot lava from a volcano, and since I found it difficult to sort through my own passionate feelings, I suspect that some of you have had a similar problem.

I venture into this minefield knowing that a segment of listeners and readers who I respect will disagree with my observations as well as my decision to speak on these political issues at all.

After nearly 15 years doing these commentaries, I've come to accept the fact that that some folks who value my message when they agree with me or when I stick to noncontroversial inspirational discussions will cut me off when I challenge their personal convictions.

Nevertheless, that's what a teacher is supposed to do, and I hope in the next few days I can help convert heat into light. Please tune in tomorrow as I rush in where angels fear to tread.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Read the full sermon that motivated me:

SACRED GROUND IS COMMON GROUND
Yom Kippur 2010/5771
Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben, Ph.D.
Kehillat Israel Reconstructionist Congregation

In one of my favorite Peanuts cartoons, it shows Lucy at her school desk telling Charlie Brown, “I missed school because I had a cold.”

Charlie responds, “There must have be something going around…lots of kids have had colds.”

“Mine was worse,” Lucy retorts.

A bit taken aback, Charlie Brown asks her “Why was yours worse?”

“Because,” Lucy answers, “it happened to me.”

Yes it’s always more personal, more powerful, more real when it happens to you. That’s why we Jews have always been like the canary in the coal mine – the first to recognize bigotry, the first to understand that prejudice toward any religion inevitably leads to prejudice against our religion.

So given all the passionate pro and con rhetoric that has been filling the airwaves, newspapers and blogosphere about the proposed community center in downtown Manhattan, I wasn’t surprised when one of our congregants asked me at a Bar Mitzvah last Shabbat, “Are you giving a political sermon on Yom Kippur?”

“Hmm,” I thought. “Good Question.” So the next day I asked someone what they thought a “political sermon” was? “Any sermon that talks about current events where you take a position,” they answered. “Don’t you want your rabbi to have the courage of his convictions and speak out and take positions on important social issues?” I asked. “No,” they answered. “I just want my rabbi to inspire me.”

So for today’s inspiration, I’m going to share what the Rabbis of the Talmud believed were the two most important ideas in the entire Torah. When the authors of Leviticus wrote Chapter 19, they began with God challenging us to “Be Holy.” It’s a nice idea, but what does it mean to “be holy?”

So we don’t have to guess, the Torah goes on to give us a long list of exactly what we have to do to “be holy.” It’s God’s “to do” list for us, and two of the items on that list are what the rabbis called the two most important ideas in the Torah, and they are found just two verses apart.

The first is Leviticus 19:16 – “Do not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.” And the second is Leviticus 19:18, which every one of you knows, “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” There they are. Seems so straightforward – almost simple. You’ve probably heard me teach about it before – how “Do not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor” means there is no such thing as an “innocent bystander” in Judaism. If you are standing by while another is being exploited, standing by while another is being denigrated, standing by while another is insulted, or abused, or assaulted, and you do nothing, then you are not innocent at all.

If a fellow Jew is attacked, a synagogue defaced, or Israel defamed among the community of nations and we remain silent and say nothing, the Torah judges us as guilty of complicity in the act itself.

And if a taxi driver is stabbed merely because of his religion which happens to be Islam, and we do not cry out in his name, the same Torah teaches we are equally guilty. If a minister threatens to burn the sacred scriptures of another religion and we say nothing, knowing that our own holocaust survivors can still remember Krystalnacht and the burning of Torah scrolls by the Nazis, yes, we too are guilty.

“The stranger in your midst shall be as the home born,” says the Torah. And so it commands, “You shall not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.”

Simple, but very, very hard to do. Especially when the Torah commands us to love that same neighbor as we love ourselves. Beautiful words, not so easy to do. Not so easy to embrace the stranger as a neighbor worthy of loving, when the shadows of fear and anger have fallen over our hearts.

Not so easy at all, to look at that stranger and see our own reflection within. I have had many, many difficult, painful conversations with many of you and I really do understand the suspicion, the distrust, the fear that our “neighbor’s” intentions are for evil and not for good.

I was at a meeting a few weeks ago with a select group of people that included some very passionate Jews. In light of all the anger and controversy that has been going around this summer about Islam and the proposed doings near Ground Zero, someone at that meeting challenged me, “How can you ever make peace with a religion that teaches you to murder your enemies and kill others for even the most trivial of transgressions. Any religion that is grounded in such bloodthirsty cruelty is beyond tolerance and its followers impossible to trust.”

Coincidently that same day several KI members sent me a very popular youtube video of a man from England who was claiming that, “Any religion that endorses violence is incapable of delivering spiritual enlightenment and has no right to even call itself a religion.” They sent me the video and said, “This guy has it exactly right!”

As proof of the fundamental evil and bloodthirsty nature of the religion they were discussing during that rather disturbing meeting they passed out the following direct quotes taken from their sacred writings for us to read and ponder. And they are disturbing:

1. "Cursed be he who holds back his sword from blood."

2. "Any prophet who claims to give a message from another god…must die."

3. "Go up, my warriors, against… the land of rebels, a land that I will judge! Pursue, kill, and completely destroy them, as I have commanded you. Let the battle cry be heard in the land."

4. "You must destroy all the nations…Show them no mercy…. I will drive those nations out ahead of you little by little… you will erase their names from the face of the earth. No one will be able to stand against you, and you will destroy them all."

5. “When I …hand these nations over to you and you conquer them, you must completely destroy them. Make no treaties with them and show them no mercy. Do not intermarry with them, and don't let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters…lest I destroy you.”

6. "Be patient; the time is coming soon when I will stand up and accuse these evil nations. For it is my decision to gather together the kingdoms of the earth and pour out my fiercest anger and fury on them. All the earth will be devoured by the fire of my jealousy."

7. "In that day the…slaughtered will fill the earth from one end to the other. No one will mourn for them or gather up their bodies to bury them. They will be scattered like dung on the ground."

Then they read me story after story from that same sacred text where tens of thousands of men, women and children were murdered in the cruelest of manners because they wouldn’t worship the right God or follow the commandments of his prophet.

It was awful and of course embarrassing, because every one of those quotations I just shared was taken from our Torah, from the Jewish Bible. (Jeremiah 48:10; Deuteronomy 18:20; Jeremiah 50:21-22; Deuteronomy 7:16-24; Deuteronomy 7:1-4; Zephaniah 3:6-10; Jeremiah 25:33)

I was sitting reading them in a study session with a group of Muslim religious leaders who were trying to understand how they could ever trust Jews when our most sacred scriptures are so clearly filled with hatred, violence, murder and absolute intolerance of anyone who doesn’t worship our God.

What could I say? Really? I am not making this up. It was a powerful, life-changing experience for me to see my own tradition through the suspicious religious eyes of another who was totally ignorant of the fact that I didn’t take those words literally. All they saw was a Torah filled with bloodthirsty admonitions to utterly destroy our enemies, to wipe non-believers from the earth and worse. Don’t forget the same Torah literally commands us to kill anyone in our midst who violates the Sabbath, or eats forbidden food, or is a man who has sex with another man. There they were, all those hideous, terrible, frightening commandments to utterly destroy and murder all blasphemous infidels who don’t worship our God – right there in the Torah.

And we do exactly the same thing to them. Obviously you and I know we pay no attention to those sections in the Torah. We realize they were written at a totally different historical time, and anyway, that’s not how or why we read the Torah – yes we take it seriously but at least we non-Orthodox Jews don’t take it literally.

Even to suggest it seems ridiculous to us, but it’s not ridiculous to them. They read our sacred scriptures literally, and selectively, just like so many of us are so quick to read their sacred scriptures exactly the same way. How eager are we and the political pundits we listen to, to take individual passages out of their historical context skipping right from the 7th century when the Koran was written to today without missing a beat. There we are, reading it literally as if we get to choose the quotations that define the religion of Islam, any more than those texts I just read from our own Torah define the religion of Judaism.

Both assertions are foolish, naïve, simplistic and feed the very fears that keep us apart, undermine the foundation of liberty and justice for all that is our birthright as Americans, and keep us from even the possibility of discovering that Muslims, too, are our spiritual neighbors.

Of course there are Islamic fundamentalists who are hell-bent on destroying us. But their extremists don’t define their religion any more than ours define us. Would we want to be judged or have all Judaism judged by the actions and beliefs of Jews they get to pick? Are we defined by Yigal Amir who murdered Yitzhak Rabin in the name of Judaism, or Baruch Goldstein who opened fire with a machine gun murdering 29 Muslim worshippers simply praying inside the “Mosque of Abraham” in Hebron in the name of Judaism, or Meir Kahane elected to the Israeli parliament on a platform calling for revoking the Israeli citizenship of all non-Jews, banning all interfaith marriages, making Jewish-non-Jewish sexual relations illegal and expelling all Palestinians by force?

I doubt that most of you see your Judaism like that, or of the ultra-orthodox at the Wall who arrest women, beat them and throw them in jail simply for wanting to pray with a tallit or read from the Torah. Do you want your Judaism to be judged by the worst of us or the best of us? By Albert Einstein or Bernie Madoff, Sigmund Freud or Son of Sam David Berkowitz?

The same goes for Muslims who brought the world among other things, coffee, chess, checks, the discovery that we see by light entering the eye, astronomy, poetry, mathematics, physics, soap and an attempt at constructing a flying machine a thousand years before the Wright brothers.

There are 312 million people in America today. Could anyone make one, sweeping generalization about those 312 million that would reveal the truth about Americans? Which of them represent what “Americans” really are? The holy rollers in the hills of South Carolina, the extremist Mormons who sexually abuse children with multiple wives in Utah, the snake spirit voodoo worshippers in Louisiana, the Skin Heads and Christian Identity Movement of Timothy McVeigh, or the pastor who said we should have a public burning of the Koran “to send a message to the Muslim world.” What kind of message was that going to be? That we are as intolerant and bigoted as Nazi Germany? Is that what represents America or you or me?

So who are the real Americans? Whose beliefs are the beliefs that define what Americans stand for? With 312 million of us, it’s impossible to simply paint all Americans with one brush stroke. Well Muslims are part of a religion with more than FIVE TIMES the population of the entire United States – all over the world, in nearly every single country. It is the second largest religion in the world, and our ignorance of Islam and what it teaches and how it is practiced, especially as it is emerging here in America, is, frankly, embarrassing.

Many people don’t even realize that the largest Muslim population in the world isn’t in the Middle East, it’s in Indonesia. So I have asked Rabbi Bernstein to create a series at KI this year called, “What every Jew should know about Islam.” We will have both Jewish experts on Islam and speakers from the Islamic Center of Southern California. Look for the announcement of the first class soon.

Given the vastness of Islam throughout the world, how could anyone who paints all Muslims with the same brush be taken seriously? Particularly knowing that we have Muslims right here in our own community, our own congregation? I have officiated over the years at several Muslim-Jewish weddings and like so many of our interfaith families, they, too have chosen to be contributing members of our community and congregation.

What do you say to them, our own congregational family when we turn on the television, log on to the “jihad-watch” blog, or any number of youtube rants and hear them claim that “Islam rejects and despises everything America stands for including freedom and diversity and anyone who denies that is a liar?” Tell it to the thousands, yes thousands of Muslim Americans who fight every single day as proud members of the US military throughout the world, including in Iraq and Afghanistan. Or tell it to Rima Fakih who became the first Muslim American to win the Miss USA title this year.

I have a feeling that even after this sermon I will receive a letter or two…or three, that say something like, “Rabbi, I lost a dear friend or family member or a dear friend of a family member in the 9/11 attacks. It’s hard for me to make peace with people who could do something so heartless and cruel.”

And yes, who wouldn’t understand the anger, and the pain and suffering of the friends and family of the innocent victims of 9/11? So what about the friends and family of Abul Chowdhury, a 36-year-old Cantor Fitzgerald analyst. Or the friends and family of Jamal Desantis, a 28-year-old maintenance worker in World Trade Center Tower 1. Or Syed Fatha, 54-year-old Pitney Bowes employee; or 21-year-old Aisha Harris of General Telecom; or 30-year-old Mohammed Jawara of MAS security in Tower 2; or Sarah Khan, 32-year-old employee of Forte Food Services; or Mohammad Chowdhury of Windows on the World, father of one of the first 9/11 orphans, born two days after the attack. All of them, Muslims.

They too are Americans. They too have the right to the same respect and dignity of their own religion and beliefs as any other Americans who died that day. To do less is to denigrate and diminish the very values they and every other American died for.

A five-year old had been learning the pledge of allegiance in his public school kindergarten class. One afternoon, he went with his mother to the post office and as they left the building, he noticed the American flag flying out front. He pointed to the flag and said, “Look, there’s the United States of a miracle.”

Indeed, the United States is an on-going miracle. The first country ever founded on an ideal – the ideal of religious freedom.

Do you know that the earliest documented case of a Muslim coming to the United States is Dutchman Anthony Janszoon van Salee, who came to New Amsterdam around 1630.

The first Jews in America came to New Amsterdam twenty-four years later, in 1654. Governor Peter Styvesant wanted to turn us away, calling the Jews “deceitful,” and “very repugnant,” “hateful enemies and blasphemers of the name of Christ.” He never allowed them to build a synagogue and it wasn’t until the turn of the 18th century that Jews in New York won the right to worship in public.

It wasn’t until 1865, nearly two hundred years after the first Jews landed in America that we were given the right to have a synagogue in Washington DC. Two hundred years and it took an act of Congress and President Franklin Pierce to sign it before merely having our own synagogue in which to pray became a reality. That’s how powerful prejudice is – that’s how powerful, and how irrational fear of the other can be. And “the other” has so often been us.

Look at us, here we are celebrating our 60th Anniversary of the establishment of Kehillat Israel in the Palisades. And we were fought at every turn. Someone even took a shot with a gun into the congregation on a Friday night during services from across the street in the 1950s before there were houses on Sunset.

Just thirteen years ago it literally took an act of the Los Angeles City Council to approve our conditional use permit to build our new synagogue because of neighborhood opposition, and the dream we had of 8 acres in Los Liones canyon with a combined synagogue and YMCA community center was defeated with the excuse of zoning, and inappropriate land use by a community committed to stopping us at all costs. But we survived, and we thrived and we are still here 60 years later stronger than ever.

So we know how difficult it can be to love your neighbor as yourself, because we have had others see us as the enemy and not their neighbor deserving of respect, or trust, or love.

On this most sacred day of the Jewish year when we affirm that every human being is created in God’s image, how can we stand idly by where there is bigotry and prejudice? This is the day to appeal to the noblest impulses in our hearts, not the basest, to hold ourselves up to the highest standards, not drag each other down to the lowest.

Yes, of course there are real enemies in the world who would still bring us to our knees if they could, but they can’t. Of course there are enemies who exploit our very freedoms even as they despise them, who reject our values and demean the liberties we cherish most. But we of all people know how foolish and dangerous it is to condemn an entire religion and all who practice it – we have 6 million reasons to reject such prejudice.

Civil rights never need to be protected for the majority – it’s always the minority who needs protection, the minority who needs to be safeguarded. That’s why Martin Luther King Jr. said injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere. Because if any group can be subject to discrimination, then no religious group is safe.

Sadly, just like we Jews have experienced time and again, in city after city across America today, there are voices calling out to deny Muslims the right to build Mosques in which to worship – as if every Mosque is, by definition a training ground for Islamic radical terror, and every Muslim is suspect. Could you really tell that to the Muslims who are here today, part of the KI community, proudly raising their children as members of the Jewish people?

Over 2,000 years ago the prophet Micah cried out, “It has been told you what is good and what God requires of you. Only to do justly, to love compassion and to walk humbly with your God.”

“To do justly” means just that. Not just when it concerns us. Or Israel. Not just when it is easy or safe. We know more than most the sting of collective scapegoating for the sins of a few. Yet too many of us do the same to Muslims without a moment’s hesitation. History has surely taught us how immoral and indecent it is when an entire religion is held culpable for the acts of few.

One of the most touching stories to emerge from the devastating attacks of 9/11 was told by an American Muslim, formerly from Pakistan, Usman Farman, who was employed at the World Trade Center. Fleeing north as the first tower was collapsing, he was felled by a missle of glass and debris. Stunned, he laid on his back as frightened safety seekers stampeded by him. The pendant he wore, inscribed with an Islamic prayer for safety written in Arabic, gleamed through the darkness.

Suddenly, a Hasidic Jewish man bent over him, took the pendant in his hand and read the Arabic out loud. He looked at Usman and said, “Brother, if you don’t mind, there is a cloud of glass coming at us, grab my hand, and let’s get out of here.”

When we remember the tragedy of that day and the many acts of heroism and sacrifice that made us proud to be Americans, one such act was that a Jewish man who looked past centuries of fear and religious intolerance, saw another human being in danger and recognized his neighbor as the image of God.

That is how we pay tribute to the values we cherish. And that is what will make us proud to be Americans in the years ahead. That is what our ancestors meant when they wrote, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Two hundred years ago, the Hasidic rebbe Menachem Mendel of Kotsk asked his students “When will the messiah come?” When no one could answer, he responded, “The messiah will come when we look into the face of the strangers in our midst, and we see the neighbor we are commanded to love.”

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:33 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

I've talked about it lots of times before: The high cost of lying and deception by politicians and police, corporate executives and clergy, and even journalists, accountants, and educators, has weakened every major social institution.

As each of these institutions wages its separate battle to remove the cloud of suspicion and cynicism that hovers over it, there are certain truths about trust that must be understood and dealt with.

First, there is no shortcut to building trust. In fact, rebuilding trust on the rubble of lost credibility is much harder. The antidote is nothing less than scrupulous and consistent honesty – especially when the truth is costly.

Second, where trust is important, there are no little lies. In some ways lies, however small they seem, are like germs. Without the antibody of trust they cause infections that can kill credibility.

Third, the lethal quality of lies lasts long after the lie is told. And even lies told years ago have an immediate poisonous effect on trust when they are discovered. Think of all the prominent people who have been undone by the discovery of falsehoods on old resumes.

Fourth, while honesty and forthrightness don't always seem to pay, dishonesty and concealment always cost. It's true that in some settings nothing good may come of admitting wrongdoing, but it gets a lot worse when you don't.

Fifth, lies breed other lies. It's harder to tell just one lie than to have just one potato chip. Once you start lying, it takes an ever-growing bodyguard of new lies to protect the old ones.

Finally, don't be seduced by the “fight fire with fire” excuse or all you'll end up with is the ashes of your integrity. Self-justifications aside, you can't lie to a liar or cheat a cheater without becoming a liar and cheater.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:42 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

It's a tradition during a bat or bar mitzvah ceremony for parents to deliver specific blessings to their child. I wrote another poem for the occasion, and though I couldn't read it then without a few sobs, I want to share it with you in the hope you will find some use for it.

If I Could Give You Anything

If I could give you anything, anything at all,

I would give you all the things the poets write about – deep blue skies, pure white clouds, warm sunshine, cool breezes, stunning sunsets, glorious rainbows, and grand waterfalls.

I would give you something to smile about every day.

I would surround you with true friends to share your joys, comfort you through tough times, and bring out the best in you.

I would give you great teachers to fill your mind with wondrous facts, unanswered questions, and a love for learning.

I would give you the wisdom to know your heart and the courage to follow it.

I would fill your days with carefree play and meaningful work.

I would give you challenges worthy of your talents and achievements worthy of your pride.

I would fill your heart with gratitude and teach it to forgive.

I would give you genuine self-confidence, fearless enthusiasm, and grand expectations.

I would give you a life filled with hugs, laughter, love, and the wisdom to be happy.

And when you are ready, I would give you a man worthy to be your lifelong partner and the father of your children.

And I would give you a daughter as good as you.

Sadly, I don’t have the power to give you all these things.

But I can remind you that you have the power within you to find, make, and keep all the things I wish for you.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:45 AM | Permalink | Comment (8)

Jews all over the world are at the end of a ten-day period called the High Holy Days, which commenced with Rosh Hashanah, the official celebration of the New Year, and ends with Yom Kippur, a solemn day of atonement.

During this period, Jews are called on to count their blessings, but they are also expected to sit in unflinching judgment of their words and actions during the past year and hold themselves accountable for any gaps between their conscience and their conduct.

The rabbis tell us God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but we should strive for perfection, or at least self-improvement.

According to Mordecai Kaplan, the goal of the High Holy Day rituals is to cause one "to seek reconstruction of one's personality in accordance with the highest ethical possibilities of human nature."

It is both uplifting and humbling to take an inventory of our blessings and sins so we can express gratitude for all we have and remorse for our moral shortcomings.

One doesn't have to be Jewish or even religious to see the wisdom of a systematic self-assessment and a yearly re-dedication to self-improvement. It is perhaps our greatest moral responsibility.

The payoff is that choosing to live a life of virtue ignites an inner flame that can provide an eternal source of warmth and light.

So, whether we call it morality or ethics or think in terms of our souls or our character, it's good to be good.

Happy New Year. L’shana tova.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 7:40 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Yom Kippur, the highest of high holy days in the Jewish religion, is a day of fasting, reflection, and atonement, all intended to help believers better understand and live up to the moral expectations of God. It's a day to take an unflinching look at past conduct and to hold oneself accountable. And in order to clean the slate for a New Year and a new opportunity to improve our character, Jews are expected to repent and seek forgiveness not only from God, but also from all individuals they wronged in the past year.

But asking is not enough. We must confront those we've injured, acknowledge the wrongdoing, and personally ask forgiveness. In some cases, reparations may also be required. When this process is completed properly, offended parties are morally obligated to forgive the offenders. Continuing to hold a grudge is not permitted.

It's such a sound and sensible strategy for strengthening character and repairing damaged relationships. But it's very hard to do. You don't have to be Jewish to try it. If you can overcome your own ego and let go of self-serving justifications and rationalizations, you most certainly can improve your life.

In one sense, the holiday reflects a kind of cynicism about human nature. It's a yearly ritual that assumes that everyone has done something to atone for and, despite good intentions, will do so again.

Yet, in the unyielding demand for reflection, contrition, and self-improvement, there's an uplifting sense of optimism about our capacity to be good, or at least better this year than we were last year. The ultimate goal is to be a person of exemplary virtue, a mensch.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Matt, an eighth grade teacher, was in a huge hurry. With guests arriving at his home shortly, he had a small list of things to buy. With 14 items in his basket, he decided to chance it and use the "10 items or less" express line.

Matt's heart pounded when he saw Phil, one of his students, come toward him. Matt talks a lot about honesty and ethics and, as he feared, Phil was all too happy to catch him doing something wrong. Sure enough, with a big "gotcha" smile, Phil loudly proclaimed, "You have too many items. That's cheating."

On the scale of moral transgressions, misusing the express line is a misdemeanor. But the inconsistency between Matt's words and actions can, nevertheless, seriously undermine his message about the importance of ethics as well as his personal credibility. Whether he's officially "on duty" or not, a teacher is expected to set a good example. It's the same for all people in authority, including parents and bosses. And when they fail to do so, there are consequences.

Yes, it's unfair to judge a person's character by such small offenses, but many will. Though we judge ourselves by our best intentions and most noble acts, others are likely to judge us by our last worst act.

Here's a simple strategy: act as if there's a tiny TV camera on your shoulder broadcasting all your words and actions. If what you're thinking of doing isn't consistent with the image you want to convey, don't do it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:51 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

It's a wise custom to end an old year and begin a new one with serious self-reflection. What did you learn this year that can improve your life and make you a better person?
You might start by examining the way you think and feel about your job, your relationships, and yourself.

After all, the single most important factor in personal happiness and your impact on others is your attitude.

In the geometry of life, the axiom is "positive attitudes produce positive results." They make success more likely, failures less harmful, pleasures more frequent, and pain more bearable.

Some people tend to bring warm sunshine wherever they go; others bring cold chills. What do you bring?

To find out where you can improve, take an honest inventory of your predispositions, the attitude you're most likely to start with.

• Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic?
• Do you tend to assume the best or expect the worst of people?
• Is your first instinct to be empathetic or judgmental?
• Is your first instinct to be supportive or critical?
• Do you send the message that you enjoy life or that you're barely enduring it?
• Do you come across as the captain of your own ship or simply a passenger?

Wherever you are on the positive attitude spectrum, think how much better things could be if you were more consistently and self-consciously optimistic, empathetic, supportive, grateful, enthusiastic, hopeful, and cheerful.

So why not resolve to think, act, and speak more positively about yourself, your family, your coworkers, and everyone else in your life?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:36 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

According to legend, a young man roaming the desert came across a spring of delicious, crystal-clear water. The water was so sweet he filled his leather canteen so he could bring some back to a tribal elder who had been his teacher.

After a four-day journey, he presented the water to the old man, who took a deep drink, smiled warmly, and thanked his student lavishly for the sweet water. The young man returned to his village with a happy heart.

Later, the teacher let another student taste the water. He spat it out, saying it was awful. It apparently had become stale because of the old leather container. The student challenged his teacher: "Master, the water was foul. Why did you pretend to like it?"

The teacher replied, "You only tasted the water. I tasted the gift. The water was simply the container for an act of loving kindness and nothing could be sweeter. Heartfelt gifts deserve the return gift of gratitude."

I think we understand this lesson best when we receive innocent gifts of love from young children. Whether it's a ceramic tray or a macaroni bracelet, the natural and proper response is appreciation and expressed thankfulness because we love the idea within the gift.

Gratitude doesn't always come naturally. Unfortunately, most children and many adults value only the thing given rather than the feeling embodied in it. We should remind ourselves and teach our children about the beauty and purity of feelings and expressions of gratitude. After all, gifts from the heart are really gifts of the heart.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

With every passing year, the anniversary of 9/11 becomes more muted and less painful.

So it is and should be with excruciating memories.

Tragic events dot the lives of all of us – the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a home or business – and it's sometimes difficult to resist the temptation to emotionally re-experience the heartache. It's as if we must suffer again to prove we care.

But in the end, self-inflicted suffering is pointless and damaging. We're entitled to live happy lives, and that requires us to let go of the grief of terrible times. That doesn't mean we forget them.

Regarding September 11th, it's important to pause to honor with reverence and gratitude the victims and the noble efforts of those who struggled mightily to rescue them.

We should also reflect on four lessons worth remembering:

1. Life is fragile. We're all vulnerable. We should live each day knowing it could be our last.

2. Every single life is precious. We should never diminish or demean the profound tragedy of lost lives by thinking of casualties in impersonal or statistical terms.

3. The capacity we saw to care about and cry for strangers proves we're not like the cold-hearted bigots who caused this calamity. We must never allow our anger or fear to turn us in that direction.

4. While we should defend ourselves, the fundamental principles that define our nation require us to be more humane, more just, and more forgiving than those who want to harm us.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

What are the lessons you've drawn from 9/11?

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:38 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

Years ago, Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben introduced the New Year rituals of Rosh Hashanah by holding up a long, coiled ram's horn. Pointing out the twists and turns, he used the shofar as a metaphor for life. "No one's life," he said, "is straight and predictable." Twists, dips, and bends, as well as ups and downs, are inevitable.

How we adjust and adapt to unplanned and often unwanted events is as crucial to successful living as good planning. If we become too fearful or frustrated, we will experience more sadness and grief than necessary. Yet if we accept and expect detours and even disasters, they can make us stronger and add richness to our lives.

There is comfort and wisdom in recognizing the uncertainties of life and understanding that all our actions and experiences – successes and failures, moments of joys and grief, pride and shame – interact to create the outer curves and inner texture of the horn that will produce our own unique soul music. They have made us what we are.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said that the most profoundly redeeming qualities of life are found not in moments of pure happiness or pleasure, but in the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle. The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard put it another way: "Life must be understood backward, but lived forward." Thus, we need to regularly remind ourselves to learn from the past without being overwhelmed by it.

As if to prove the inherent beauty of an examined life, the rabbi ended his sermon by blowing into the small end of the shofar to create a timeless and piercing form of music. Thus, he called on his congregation to celebrate their humanity by letting go of
bitterness and resentments arising from old hurts and unmet expectations and eagerly moving toward the future.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

Years ago I was talking to a group of Army generals about the way politicians often treat the defense budget as an all-purpose public works fund to help bring money into their districts. One general admitted, "Yes, if the chairman of the Appropriations Committee comes from a place that makes trucks, we're probably going to buy those trucks. That's the way it is, the way it always was, and the way it always will be."

I suggested that it was a form of bribery to buy the trucks just to please the politician. The general barked, "It's not bribery. It's extortion!"

"Don't sound so powerless," I replied. "You're a GENERAL!"

Without skipping a beat, he answered, "Yeah, but I'm only a one-star."

"I'm only a one-star." I hear this sort of abdication of moral responsibility a lot – from business executives who surrender to "pressures" to engage in dubious business practices, journalists who see their great calling being overcome by a growing profit obsession, and others who just feel they can't buck the system.

I understand it's easier and often seems smarter to go along to get along, yet when systems become corrupt, irrational, or wasteful, it's our duty to do what we can do to make things better.

As Edward Everett Hale said, "It's true I am only one, but I am one. And the fact that I can't do everything will not prevent me from doing what I can do."

When there's a gap between reality and ethical ideals, people of character don't surrender their ideals. They fight for them. They work to change the way things "are" to the way they "ought to be." And much more often than we realize, defective systems collapse at the first sight of principled resistance.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:50 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who think there are two kinds of people in the world and those who think those who think there are two kinds of people in the world are self-righteous jerks.

A listener called me to task concerning a story about a man who told his son there are two kinds of people: those who return their shopping carts and those who don't.

His first point was that it's dangerous and foolish to use simplistic categorizations. On this I have to agree, although I didn't think the father who divided the world into two categories was being literal. I think he was making the point that we all have endless choices – either to do the right thing instinctively and consistently or to join those who find excuses not to. The original story came from a book Hugs for Dad by John William Smith. I don't know if it's literally true or not, but it's a powerful parable.

His second point was that he objected to the implication that anyone who doesn't return shopping carts is falling short on any scale of virtue. "As long as markets pay union wages and benefits to employees to collect these carts," he said, "I shouldn't reduce the amount of their work."

This rationale ignores the story's main message: Be considerate, clean up after yourself, and make life easier, not harder, for the next guy. Under his analysis, we help custodians and housekeepers by making a mess.

I don't think I was a bad person when I didn't return shopping carts, but I think I'm a little bit better now that I do. You see, there are two kinds of people in the world: those who want to be better and those who don't.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comment (6)

Labor Day is a good time to think about the role work plays in your life.

Henry Thoreau said, "The mass of men spend their lives in quiet desperation." For some, work is part of that desperation. For others, it's part of what makes life worth living. Finding the right job is as difficult as finding the right mate, but it's just as important.

People who love their work get more out of their lives. Teddy Roosevelt said, "Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." George Sand put it another way: "Work is not a punishment; it's a reward."

According to W. H. Auden, three things are needed if people are to be happy in their work: "They must be fit for it, they must not do too much of it, and they must have a sense of success in it." Elbert Hubbard told his readers, "Get happiness out of your work or you may never know what happiness is."

In summing up his life, comedian Johnny Carson said, "Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace and more success than you could possibly have imagined."

One of the profound questions is where does work fit into a balanced life. Some live for their work. If their work is truly meaningful and gratifying that may make sense, but Harold Kushner points out, "I've never met anyone on their deathbed who said, 'I wish I spent more time at the office.'"

Work is, of course, a common subject of cynical observations such as "Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties" (Doug Larson), or "Many people quit looking for work when they find a job."

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:51 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

There's no doubt that our character has a profound effect on our future. What we must remember, however, is not merely how powerful character is in influencing our destiny, but how powerful we are in shaping our own character and, therefore, our own destiny. Character may determine our fate, but character is not determined by fate.

It's a common mistake to think of character as something that is fully formed and fixed very early in life. It calls to mind old maxims like "A leopard can't change its spots" and "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." This perspective that our character is "etched in stone" is supported by a great deal of modern psychology emphasizing self-acceptance. As Popeye says, "I am what I am." The hidden message is: Don't expect me to be more, better, or different.

Ultimately, these views of humanity totally undervalue the lifelong potential for growth that comes with the power of reflection and choice. How depressing it would be to believe that we can't choose to be better – more honest, more respectful, more responsible, and more caring. None of us should give up the personal quest to improve our character. Not because we're bad – we don't have to be sick to get better – but because we're not as good as we could be.

There are so many things in life we can't control – whether we're beautiful or smart, whether we had good parents or bad, whether we grew up with affirmation or negation – it's uplifting to remember that nothing but moral will power is needed to make us better.

No, it isn't easy. But if we strive to become more aware of the habits of heart and mind that drive our conduct, we can begin to place new emphasis on our higher values so that we become what we want our children to think we are.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:52 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Years ago, my wife Anne was talking to a woman I'll call Lila about another lady I'll call Gwen. Gwen had just been laid off, and since she had only worked for the company for a short time, she wasn't eligible to continue the company's medical insurance. That's important because she was eight weeks pregnant, and the reason she took the job was to get medical insurance.

Gwen was upset and went to a lawyer. Together, they decided to threaten her employer with a lawsuit claiming the company terminated her because they found out she was pregnant.

Anne asked, "Is that what really happened?"

"Well, no," Lila answered, "but Gwen really needs the insurance, and she hopes the threat will force the company to make a settlement."

"But that's dishonest!" Anne said. Shocked by Anne's judgmentalness, Lila stressed again how hard it would be for Gwen if she had no insurance because she had no husband. She was artificially inseminated. Gwen thought of asking the company if she could keep her insurance by paying the premiums, but her lawyer said it would weaken her case.

Anne was incredulous. "Weaken what case? Her case is a lie! I know she's in a tough situation, but how can Gwen possibly justify making a false claim?"

Lila concluded: "Gwen only did what she had to do."

It's one thing to feel compassion for Gwen. It's quite another to justify fraud simply because she thought it was necessary. There's a certain seductive force to necessity claims, but neither real nor perceived necessity gives anyone a moral free pass. Personal needs and wants just don't trump moral principles. Remember, character is doing the right thing even when it costs more than you want to pay.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:27 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

There's no doubt about it: Trust is an asset to any relationship and distrust an enormous liability. But thinking of trust in terms of its practical value can demean and distort its true significance as an endorsement of our character and as a sign of our worthiness.

I get my clearest vote of trust when I stop to appreciate the ways my young daughters – the oldest is 12 – trust their daddy. Knowing that they have unquestioned confidence that I will always do the right thing is a source of pleasure and pride.

It is also a source of duty. The trust of our children is a gift we must never take for granted. Trust is fragile. Children trust us completely, until we prove ourselves unworthy. It's a heavy responsibility to protect our kids from our own moral frailties, but I think I'm a better person because I treasure their trust so much. The glow of their faith in me lights the way and helps me to see traps and hazards that could embarrass them or damage their image of me – and frankly I can't think of any gain worth that price.

In the play All My Sons by Arthur Miller, the father adores his son and the son idolizes his father, until he decides that the father did some shabby things in the past. As the son's esteem is slipping away, the father says in a desperate plea, "Son, I'm no worse than anyone else."

The son, with teary eyes, replies, "I know, Dad. But I thought you were better."

There are other reasons to be ethical, but for those of us with children, there's none stronger than the honor of earning their admiration.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:47 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)