It’s a pity that so many great poems are turned into commercialized clichés because when we’ve heard something before, we don’t concentrate hard enough to listen to its messages. A good example is the classic poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling. It includes some of the best advice a parent could give a child:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Tomorrow, I will be named Alumnus of the Year by UCLA. I’m pretty excited about it. There’s something very special about receiving a major honor from one’s Alma Mater.

But there’s a special irony as well. When I graduated from law school in 1967, I was given the honor of delivering the valedictory address on behalf of students receiving advanced degrees. My speech was controversial and enraged the Chancellor. I thought it might since I singled out by name some of the leading politicians of the day for proposing simplistic solutions to complicated problems, adding that I didn’t think our country could long withstand their sort of leadership.

Unfortunately, my youthful decision to snub my nose at convention and authority obscured my noble rhetoric designed to prod my contemporaries to take an active part in shaping our society.

I spoke of defining moments for my generation: the election and assassination of John F. Kennedy who, to quote from my address, “ripped the cobwebs from political idealism. He articulated the issues of our time and pledged to confront them with vigor and tenacity.”

Kennedy convinced us that the torch of power was now in our hands, but his sudden and premature death “brought home, with brutal eloquence, the meaning of unfulfilled promise.” But, I added, we can’t use this as an excuse to withdraw because “the complexity of our world requires, more than ever before, the leadership and impetus of its intellectuals.”

My closing words are as pertinent today as they were 42 years ago: “The phrase ‘leaders of tomorrow’ can have no application to any of us after today. Our time is now. The burden is ours. Although we know the world will never be perfect, we know it can be better. Within our heads is the power to make it so. For the sake of all of us, use that power.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Click here to read the full speech, which was reprinted in the Congressional Record in August 1967.

Michael has a renegade impulse and history of which many of you may not be aware. Click here to glimpse the early Michael.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 2:21 PM | Permalink | Comment (8)

Let’s be honest. Ethics is not for wimps. It’s not easy being a good person.

It’s not easy to be honest when it might be costly, to play fair when others cheat, or to keep promises that are inconvenient.

It’s not easy to stand up for our beliefs and still respect differing viewpoints.

It’s not easy to control powerful impulses, to be accountable for our attitudes and actions, to tackle unpleasant tasks, or to sacrifice the now for later.

It’s not easy to bear criticism and learn from it without getting angry, to take advice, or to admit error.

It’s not easy to feel genuine remorse and apologize sincerely or to accept an apology graciously and truly forgive.

It’s not easy to stop feeling like a victim, to resist cynicism, or to make the best of every situation.

It’s not easy to be consistently kind, to think of others first, to judge generously, or to give the benefit of the doubt.

It’s not easy to be grateful or to give without concern for reward or gratitude.

It’s not easy to fail and still keep trying, to learn from failure, to risk failing again, to start over, to lose with grace, or to be glad of another’s success.

It’s not easy to look at ourselves honestly and be accountable, to avoid excuses and rationalizations, or to resist temptations.

No, being a person of character is not easy. That’s why it’s such a lofty goal and an admirable achievement.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

Disdain for money is a common theme among moralists and philosophers. But money’s not the problem. It’s what people do to get it and what they do with it when they get it.

In Fiddler on the Roof, a poor man sings of his daydreams of the wonderful life he’d have if he were a rich man. And surely it would be better. As someone once said, “I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich. Rich is better.” *

Yet the Biblical warning that “love of money is the root of all evil” reminds us to be aware of the difference between need and greed.

It’s one thing to make money a central goal to escape poverty and provide for basic necessities. It’s quite another when it becomes our primary motivation and measure of success or when we equate happiness or worthiness with wealth.

The love of money can have a powerful narcotic effect on our values. It can push us toward or keep us in unhealthy relationships and unsatisfying careers. It can lead us to undervalue the importance of relationships and work. It can make us into workaholics who neglect family and friends. And it can spawn dishonorable conduct that pollutes our souls and makes us unworthy despite our net worth

According to an old Hasidic saying, “One who thinks money can do everything is likely to do anything to get it.”

Perhaps Swiss philosopher Rousseau said it best: “The money you have can give you freedom, but the money you pursue enslaves you.”

The challenge is to put the value of money in perspective. In the end, the question is: How much are you willing to pay to have money?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* This famous quote has been attributed to various people including Mae West, Sophie Tucker, and Gertrude Stein.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:57 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

During a seminar for teachers, I asked participants to share experiences that shaped their values. A Southern lady shared this story:

More than 50 years ago, when I was five, I was at my granddaddy's house in a dress and white gloves. He told me I could go into the kitchen and get a cookie. Next to the cookie jar was a stack of quarters. I knew I shouldn't have, but I took one. 

I must have looked guilty when I returned because my granddaddy looked at me funny and asked me to show him my white gloves. I had the quarter in my right hand so I held out my left.

"Show me the other hand," he said. When he saw the quarter, he looked at me sadly.

He hugged me and said, "Darlin', you can have anything in the world I have, but it breaks my heart that you'd ever steal it."

I'll never forget the shame, and I never stole anything again.

Without harsh words or punishment, he established high standards and expectations and taught her that, because of his love for her, he was a stakeholder in her choices and that he was hurt when she let him down.

An informed healthy conscience is a built-in punishment/reward system that makes us proud when we do things right and ashamed at our moral missteps. But such a conscience doesn't develop by accident.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

I suspect all of us have been hurt in deep and lasting ways by the words or acts of another. It’s normal in such situations to feel hostility toward the person who hurt us. If we allow the offense to linger, we may carry the hurt and resentment in the form of a grudge. Usually this causes more unhappiness for us than the person we’re mad at.

Some religions speak of forgiveness as a moral duty, others as a worthy virtue, and still others impose preconditions on the wrongdoer before he or she is entitled to be forgiven. Whatever your religious views, psychologists say the ability to forgive is closely correlated to happiness and mental health.

Some people refuse to even entertain the idea of forgiveness because they don’t think the person they resent deserves to be forgiven. Others don’t want to appear to condone or excuse the conduct and certainly don’t want to reconcile with the person.

The essence of forgiveness is a voluntary decision to abandon continuing resentment, to let go of anger, and to move on. It doesn’t require or imply condoning, excusing, or forgetting. Nor does it require that the forgiver re-establish a relationship with the wrongdoer.

According to Dr. Ben Dean, the capacity to forgive is related to the character strength of empathy. People who can empathize with an offender and see things from that person’s perspective are much better able to forgive. He also says that the older we get, the more forgiving we’re likely to become.

Hmmm. We usually get wiser, too. So maybe it’s wise to forgive.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Years ago, a listener told me her mom died leaving only a general will and a house full of personal items with sentimental and, in some cases, significant financial value. My listener said tensions were building among her and her two sisters as they approached the time to allocate their mom’s stuff.

Each sister had different and conflicting expectations. The eldest believed her mom wanted her to have first choice of items. The middle sister had been the major caregiver, and their mom had told her, “I want you to have anything you want.” The youngest daughter said mom had promised certain important items to her to give to the grandchildren.

None of the sisters was greedy, and no one wanted to fight over mom’s things, but emotions were strong. Each was willing to surrender her claim, but could they do so without hard feelings? Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon.

• First, the daughters should talk openly and agree that their relationships with each other are worth more than any belongings.
• Second, they should promise not to say or do anything that their mom would have disapproved of or that would sully their memory of her.
• Third, each sister must choose to let go of her expectations and claims as if all items were destroyed in a fire.
• Finally, they should find creative ways to divide the property without winners or losers. They might draw lots to establish a sequence of choices. Or certain important items could rotate annually among them. If some things are too encumbered with emotional claims, they should be sold or given to someone else.

What’s vital is that everyone remember that things are just things. It’s love and memories that have real and lasting value.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

A teenager wants to go to a party, but she’s sure her mom won’t let her. So she and her friend concoct a false cover story.

What’s the big deal? Most kids lie to their parents from time to time, and their parents probably lied to their parents. Despite rhetoric about virtue being its own reward, a great many adults – and a higher proportion of kids – are more likely to make their choices based on a calculation of risks and benefits than moral principles.

Since young people are particularly susceptible to choices that indulge impulses and favor immediate needs and wants, we need to teach them how making bad choices to gratify such desires can sabotage their most important relationships and impede critical life objectives.

Every dishonest act has at least two potential consequences: 1) the actual penalty, and 2) loss of trust. The second is by far the more serious and underestimated.

This is especially true in parent-child relationships. Where trust is important, there are no little lies. When parents don’t believe their children, their cords of control will be tighter and held longer. The price of lying is lost freedom.

It’s often difficult to predict how a decision today will affect tomorrow, but dishonesty often has a lasting negative impact on relationships and reputations as well as self-image and character.

From both a moral and practical perspective, honesty is the best policy.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

To lots of athletes, coaches, and fans, sportsmanship is an outdated concept. Like the Miss Congeniality Award in beauty contests, many think it’s for runner-ups and losers.

The barbarians believe rules are made to be broken, that it’s wise and proper to do whatever you can get away with.

Did you see the shocking video of University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert violently yanking an opponent’s pony tail and tripping, shoving, punching, and kicking a host of other players?

Women’s soccer has become a rough, physical game, but still there are rules that govern the sport, define fair play, and prohibit dangerous acts that can produce serious injuries.

Many people were horrified by her conduct and approved of her subsequent suspension. But what about the adults who taught her to act like a thug or looked the other way?

The referee should have enforced those rules immediately, and her coach should have pulled her out of the game after the first incident. Even the passive reaction of the opposing coach and her players who accepted – and thereby encouraged – Lambert’s brutish behavior contributed to the problem.

But before we give up on sportsmanship, do you remember the story of Sarah Tucholsky, who hit the first home run in her life in a collegiate softball game? While rounding first base, she tore a ligament and fell to the ground in agony.

After the umpire reminded her coach that Sarah would be called out if anyone on her team tried to help her, the other team’s best hitter, Mallory Holtman, asked if she and a teammate could assist Sarah. The astonished official approved the unheard-of gesture, which the rules did not prohibit.

As Mallory and her shortstop carried Sarah around the bases so the home run would officially count, the players and spectators realized they were seeing something extraordinary – a spontaneous, unselfish act of sportsmanship that was so uplifting it brought tears to the eyes of even grizzled veterans.

Mallory’s example taught us what sports can be if we let character count.

How good is your sportsmanship? Please take one of our surveys here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comment (7)

As a break from the heavy thoughts about heavy matters that have dominated my commentaries in recent days, I thought I’d share with you a list of interesting observations I’ve collected over the years. I don’t know the original sources of these quips, but they definitely weren’t from me.

• According to a recent study, five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
• If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with “Quit while you’re ahead”?
• If it’s true that we’re here to help others, then what are the others here for?
• Every good company wants employees to take risks…as long as everything turns out okay.
• No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
• If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
• To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question…or is it?
• Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.
• If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
• When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
• Remember, half the people in the world are below average.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• If a bus station is where a bus stops and a train station is where a train stops, why do companies give employees work stations?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

It’s in the news all the time – kids are cheating in school in new ways and in unprecedented rates.

One of the reasons is the way schools and parents deal with or ignore the underlying issues of integrity and character. For instance, a popular thing adults say to discourage kids from cheating is “You’re only cheating yourself.”

Of course cheating damages credibility and character, but it’s also dishonest and unfair. Cheaters don’t just cheat themselves. They cheat everyone affected by their cheating including honest students who are put at a competitive disadvantage and college admission officers and employers who think a student’s grade accurately reflects his or her competence. What’s more, cheaters dishonor their families, teachers, and schools.

When we tell kids they’re cheating themselves because they aren’t learning the material, we have to remember that most kids who cheat think what they’re asked to learn is unimportant. They’re quite comfortable not knowing the value of X or the capital of Zimbabwe. As to mastering skills, cynical and coldly pragmatic students believe that learning to cheat is more useful than learning the material.

Finally, it’s dangerous to promote self-centered, cost-benefit calculations about cheating in a way that ignores or minimizes the crucial moral issues of honesty and honor. Nearly two-thirds of high school students cheat on exams because they’re not afraid of getting caught and they get better grades.

To address the problem, we must promote integrity, not self-interest, and we must tell kids that whether they get away with it or not, cheating's wrong.

Of course, it helps if we really believe that.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

In old cowboy movies you could tell the good guys from the bad by the color of their hats. Villains wore black; heroes wore white. It made things easy. Too easy.

I want to put black hats on all the people who discredit their professions and disgrace themselves and their families by acts of dishonesty or uncontrolled desire.

Unfortunately, the closer I look at athletes, school administrators, corporate executives, cops, politicians, and priests who continually fill the newspapers with scandals and fuel the bonfire of cynicism, the more obvious it becomes that most of them are a mixed bag of virtues and flaws – not so different from you and me.

I point this out not to minimize or excuse bad conduct but to heighten awareness of how vulnerable we all are to moral blind spots. The best defense against the seductive dark side is a strong sense of integrity and a sleepless conscience.

Poet Edgar Guest put it this way:

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am.
I don’t want to dress myself up in sham.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see.
I know what others may never know;
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

Five birds are sitting on a telephone wire. Two decide to fly south. How many are left? Most people would say three. Actually, all five are left. You see, deciding to fly isn’t the same as doing it.

If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire, flap its wings, and keep flapping until it gets there.

So it is with most things. Good intentions aren’t enough. It’s not what we want, say, or think that makes things happen; it’s what we do.

I frequently think of writing thank-you, birthday, and congratulatory notes. Unfortunately, only a sad few of these good sentiments ever make it to paper. Still, if I don’t look too closely, I can delude myself into thinking that based on my good thoughts I’m a gracious and grateful person. A truer and less admirable picture of my character is drawn by my actions.

In the end, we either do or don’t do. We either make the time to do the things we want to and should do or we make excuses. As Alfred Adler said, “Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.”

What do you want to do? Do you want to take a course, change your job, lose weight, make new friends, or spend more time with and appreciate more the ones you have?

What’s stopping you from jumping off the wire and flapping your wings?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:18 AM | Permalink | Comment (8)

While helping to draft the CHARACTER COUNTS! Arizona Sports Summit Accord in 1999 – a declaration of ethical principles for youth and collegiate sports – John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches of all time, inserted language that declared “a coach is, first and foremost, a teacher.”

This anchor concept has greatly influenced our Pursuing Victory With Honor sportsmanship campaign and spawned the term “teacher-coach.”

Although Coach Wooden was an extraordinary basketball skill-builder and strategist as well as an intense and passionate competitor who always wanted to win, his teaching domain went beyond athletics. He never measured the success of his coaching in terms of wins or championships. He understood that his unique relationship with his student-athletes gave him both the power and responsibility to shape their attitudes about honor, integrity, and fair play.

His highest goal was to bring out and enhance the best in the young men who played for him. Thus, he continually sought to instill in them a rich array of values and virtues associated with good character.

Today’s sports environment is so preoccupied with winning that teacher-coaches like Wooden seem to be a breed on its way to extinction. Let’s face it. Collegiate coaches are paid huge sums of money, and it’s not because they’re superb educators or character builders.

Millions of youngsters play sports. Think how much better they and society would be if they’re lucky enough to play for a teacher-coach. We shouldn’t settle for anything less.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

Four years ago I talked about a Halloween evening with Minnie Mouse, Jasmine, Tinker Bell, and Tigger. At that time, my quartet of daughters were 7 though 12, and I lamented then that the babies I used to carry and the little girls who once wouldn’t let go of my hand had morphed into boisterous, confident young ladies well on their way to independence.

Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays ever since I became a dad. I loved the earnest discussions of who my kids wanted to be, and I enjoyed watching them timidly ring bells and triumphantly return showing the treasures they’d collected – all capped off by counting, sorting, and trading items from gigantic piles of sugar-loaded loot.

Well, my Halloween Daddy Days ended this week. For the first time in 16 years, my wife Anne and I stayed home to dole out goodies to other people’s children.

All but one daughter dispersed to different parts of the city to share the evening with their friends. And the one who decided to troll our neighborhood had her own entourage and no need or desire for parental chaperones.

And so, like millions of parents before us, Anne and I sighed, marveled, and cried a little wondering where the time had gone.

The answer, of course, is that all those years are wrapped like candy in moment-sized packets. Giggles, tantrums, hugs, squeals of joy, sobs of pain, and so much more fill the treat bag in our hearts.

The thing is, we can’t spend too much time looking back because too much is still ahead. We must pay close attention and savor every moment knowing in four more years we’ll be missing the days we have right now.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comment (14)