It is a very good thing you tell us about this aspect of trustworthiness.

The factors you pointed out are very important, but I think they are only seen from one side of the relationship: the person who has to do the advice.

Considering the motive, I would emphasize the main factor to take into account is the real damage for the other person whether I speak or not. If my silence would mean, as an example, to leave an affair to become a divorce, I can´t keep silent, rationalizing sadness, pain, anger, etc. that would remain in my relationship.

If I know about the fact, I have to act.

Certainly tact, tone and timing are important and must fit with motive, but they are not the core of the decision.

Could you tell us more about this?

Thank you for your helpful comments.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I have heard of so many situations where a well-meaning friend told someone that their spouse was having an affair. No matter what happens, the bearer of bad tidings seems to lose. If the couple reconciles, then seeing the friend becomes a reminder of what went wrong and the friend becomes a former friend. If they divorce, the friend is seen as partly to blame; again, goodbye to the friend.

Stay out of other people's marriages unless you are asked for your opinion, directly or indirectly. If your friend tells you about something that is troubling them about their spouse's behavior, you have a right to comment even if they did not ask you directly to do so since they did bring you into the situation by telling you about it.

I think being trustworthy is very good because it is showing that you are very smart and also honest. I think it has something to do with being honest. If someone from my class did something bad like bringing a pack of cigars, I tell on him so he won't really get in trouble like to go to the hospital or even die. I think being honest is just proving that people could trust you or believe you. When you do not tell the truth, it kind of makes you feel bad. When you lie on someone, that person will just think of you like an enemy. When you are not being honest, you are just hurting yourself.

Many people should be trustworthy. If people don't tell the truth, they'll get someone in trouble. At school a student threw a rock at a girl at then that person didn't get in trouble. I don't know who that person is, but he got me and a friend in trouble. We didn't throw a rock because that is showing that we don't have respect to others. I got mad and still am because somebody said I did it! People should tell the truth before they get caught and that person will get punished badly or they can get another person in trouble which makes it worse. If you don't tell the truth, you are just hurting yourself. So be truthful to yourself, and when they know you got in trouble or if they don't know, tell the truth so it won't get worse.

If my friend's husband was having an affair with another woman, I would definitely tell my friend. I would support her even if she doesn't believe, even if she insults me. I will make sure she doesn't end up hurt.

To me, what it is trying to say is that silence can be as hurtful as lying or anything. For example, if the police are trying to catch a killer and you know where he is, instead of letting him go free, call the police and tell them where he is at. Mostly because he will kill more victims and that burden will be on you.

Let's say my brother is doing or selling drugs. What I'll do is tell him ''Where did you get the drugs? Second is I'll try to convince him what drugs would do to him. If he doesn't get convinced, I'll tell my parents, and we will figure out a solution or a fitting punishment. This is Armando saying CHARACTER COUNTS!

If I found my friend's brother or sister doing drugs, I would knock the person out and tie him or her with a chain. Then I would take him or her to their house and give them some sleeping pills.

Suppose I have a friend who smokes. I feel it is my job to tell her to stop. However, I can't just approach her just like that. I have to tell her at the right place at the right time. Motive. I have to find my motive. When I talk to her, I have to have a very good reason on what to tell her. Tact. Before I talk to her, I have to think over the exact words to tell her. Basically, I have to organize my thoughts. Tone. My tone of voice has to sound very calm in order to avoid misunderstandings. Timing. I need to tell her at the right place at the right time. For instance, I have to pick a place where nobody can hear us, since our conversation is going to be private. After I tell her to stop, and she doesn't stop, then I'll probably tell her parents to help her. Hopefullly, she'lll stop. Either way, the only person she is truly affecting is herself.

I would tell because she just might be a good woman who doesn't deserve that. So if I was to tell, they might be able to work things out. So if I was to tell, they would be trying to help her and her marriage. Also for the sake of my good friend. But if I did not tell her, he would still be cheating on her.

The examples Michael used can be misconstrued as gossip too, and maybe silence is better. Like Mom used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all or MYOB."

If something must be said, why not have the conversation with the guilty party instead of the victim? They may rise to the occasion. Sadly some victims subconsciously choose that path in life - they thrive on the cycles.

Any thoughts...

You would hope that we would learn the importance of being trustworthy and honest, but that just isn't happening. If it was, we would not have programs like Character Counts being taught in our schools. Thank you for trying your best to keep character and values alive in our children!

If I find my friend cheating on her husband, I will tell her about what I found out. It is not fair that she will not get married. It is also not fair because she won't have a family. That's why I will tell.

If my friend's husband was having an affair with another woman, I would tell her right away. If she doesn't believe me, then that's her problem, but I'd still try to help her. Telling the truth is better than lying. It's also harder for some people because the truth may be hurtful. When you don't tell the truth, it makes you feel bad. If you lie to someone, then they won't trust you anymore and they'll treat you like a stranger. When you're being honest, it's good for you, but if you're lying, you're just hurting youself and making yourself look bad.

Re: Telling a friend that their husband is cheating - I am speaking from the child of such a relationship.

My mother tried to recover from my father's adultery with a neighbor who he considered to be more attractive, etc.

He was a coward to admit the affair and constantly denied, it but his behavior of throwing things across the table at her at lunchtime while I was home for lunch was what I witnessed as well as a lot of yelling.

The other woman was also a coward, mother of six children who also suffered while she carried on an off-and-on affair for over 30 years. Well, she finally got her man when my mother died at 56.

She got the so-called prize that she lowered herself for. Neither admitted to any of the 12 children involved that they were sorry for hurting the children and the other spouses.

And I witnessed enough verbal abuse to affect me. So to all the people who have the guts to prevent verbal abuse and more emotional abuse from wives or husbands - may God bless you.

We need to start telling men and women that other people's spouses are off limits. Stop hurting your fellow human beings by your inability to control yourself. We need to put more adulterers in jail. Verbal bullets hurt just as much as real bullets.

Thank you