Lying Their Way Into School 639.4
Greg and Marge have two young children, and they’re unhappy with their neighborhood schools. Greg’s sister suggests they use her address so they can send their kids to a better school in her neighborhood. What should they do?
This sort of problem faces good people all the time and makes the “end-justifies-the-means” argument seem awfully attractive. There’s no shortage of rationalizations: “Everyone does it.” “The system’s unfair.” “We’ve got to do what’s best for our kids.”
The fact is, lying to get your kids into a better school may help their academic education but it will play havoc with their moral education. And that can’t be a good thing.
First of all, everyone doesn’t cheat. Second, this sort of scam doesn’t involve just one lie. It requires living a lie. Every time the kids are asked where they live, they’ll have to lie. They’ll either grow accustomed to lying in a way that most assuredly erodes their integrity or they’ll live in constant fear of being caught. Either way, they lose.
If the system of restricting residents to local schools is unfair, lying strategies make it worse. Yes, lying can help the liar’s family in one respect, but so will stealing. All dog-eat-dog strategies benefit some at the expense of others. That’s why they’re unethical.
Look, I don’t want to minimize the hard choices parents have to make. But it would be a bigger mistake to underestimate the consequences of taking the low road.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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Comments
Couldn't agree with you more.
Posted by: Reid Birdsall | October 9, 2009 5:27 AM
This is an interesting problem that has been around for quite a long time. The system breeds this type of lying. Seventeen years ago my wife and I were faced with this type of situation. Not having to lie, but facing lies that were preventing our son from getting into a Magnet program for gifted children. We knew some kids were getting into the program by using false addresses to gain more points. What should we do? Should we jump on the bandwagon and lie about our address? We decided not to, but instead set up a meeting with the head of the Magnet program for the school district and the principal for the school. The answers we received were totally amazing. The head of the Magnet program for the school district confirmed that if we could prove some students were lying about their addresses, they would be kicked out of the program, but the decision was up to the principal. The principal said she would never kick anyone out, even if they lied about their address. What is a parent to do? Is it better to lie and explain to your child why or subject your child to a lesser education? In my opinion, it is better to lie with an explanation than to subject your child to a a lesser education in this highly competitive world. It would be a bigger mistake to subject your child to a lesser education than to subject them to a lie that can be explained away. In the end we did not have to lie. Our son got that wonderful education in public school, graduated high school with a 4.25 average, graduated from UCLA (turning down Cal, Michigan, NYU), and is now competing in the competitive world. One lie with an explanation can easily be overcome, but not lack of a quality education.
Posted by: Gary Gole | October 9, 2009 8:30 AM
As a teacher in a school in a very low socioeconomic area, I see this a lot. Parents live in our district but take their children somewhere else for school. Here's the real story, your public school will better equip your child to live in the real world than the elite schools. He will need the skills he will learn about getting along with people of all types. Because of economics and child care, my grandchildren had to attend the school where I teach so that they could stay with me after school until mom got off work. I would not have had them go to any other school in the city because I knew the teachers in our school were extremely dedicated to educating our district's children even when it meant keeping them after school for special tutoring without the extra pay other schools gave for such programs. Here is another thing, if you want a better school for your child, get busy and do what needs to be done to make your school in your neighborhood the best. Our poor little school made more academic progress than any school in our area last year. If you want a good school for your child, don't teach him to lie to get one. Work to make his the best.
Posted by: Peggy McDonald | October 9, 2009 3:55 PM
The more difficult decision is the one presented to the family who used to live in an upper middle-class neighborhood and now can no longer afford to do so.
They had to move from their nice home to one in a not so great neighborhood due to reversals in their financial situation.
If they use their new address, not only will their children have to go to a school that is not as good as their prior one, but those children will also have another major disruption in their lives.
In addition to losing the only home they have ever known, the children will also lose their other home, that is, their school and all of their friends.
In that situation, I think it is better to lie than to subject your children to another major trauma on top of the one they have already suffered.
Posted by: stephanie | October 10, 2009 1:20 PM
This is a very interesting topic. As a single mother, I used most of my resources to make sure I lived in an area where my child could go to a good public school. When I went to register him on his first day of school, I was told there were already too many children enrolled in his class. After I pushed the school for answers, they admitted allowing too many children that they were certain did not live in the area. I had to jump through many hoops to get him into the school I lived a block from, and believe me if I hadn't been so adamant about it, he would have been bussed to an out of area school. This was appalling to me. If you want your child to attend a school in a particular neighborhood, work harder and spend more on your housing. Don’t lie or cheat. It impacts those who have done the right thing, sacrificed the little stuff and prepared.
Posted by: Jackie P | October 14, 2009 7:58 AM
While I understand the education dilemma, I find it very fascinating how many people there are who would justify living a lie without any qualms. Honesty, decency and character appear to be dying attributes today at every level of society. No wonder the country is in the state it is.
If children are not educated at home to be moral people, no amount of education can make them successful. Character flaws are the things that cause successful people to unravel. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for longer than the 12 years they spend in school.
The public schools our boys attended were not elite or different, but the education they got in our home was more than above average. They are moral ethical people who use their education to make society better.
Posted by: Carolyn | October 16, 2009 7:10 AM
I recently rented my home out to avoid foreclosure and moved my two children and me back in with my parents for 1 year. We plan on moving back into my house and I am paying school taxes.
We haven't called the school and I am still using the same mailing address. However, my daughter told me yesterday that when she went to her dad's over the weekend, he said we should just forward our mail to a P.O. box and tell them we still live there.
I told my daughter that if the school calls, I will tell them the truth and we will have to make a decision soon regardless.
We actually moved into the school district I grew up in, and it is equally exceptional to the one we moved from. My parents would like to pay tuition for my children to go to a private school. My daughter wants to stay in the school she is in or move into her father's school district.
To me, all are good choices, and I am fine with any of the above. However, I hate to pull my daughter from her school if we are returning in a year and I cannot see paying tuition to stay there when we have other free choices, pay school taxes already in this district, and have an opportunity for private education at the same tuition rate right across from the sports park where she plays soccer multiple times per week.
I'm interested to hear what people would think of this situation.
Posted by: Nicole | October 21, 2009 7:33 AM
I could not believe the number of people advocating lying on this subject. Teaching our children to lie is what has gotten us in the situations we find ourselves as a nation. Lying is what caused those banks to collapse. Lying is what caused the housing market to burst. Lying is what caused the director of FEMA to have to resign after Hurricane Katrina. If people had told the truth, the recession that we find ourselves in at this time would not be so deep. Whatever happened to personal responsibilities--telling the truth and allowing the chips to fall where they may? Whatever happened to accepting what happens whether good or bad?
Posted by: Rosie | October 21, 2009 10:17 AM