Watch your thoughts; they lead to attitudes.
Watch your attitudes; they lead to words.
Watch your words; they lead to actions.
Watch your actions; they lead to habits.
Watch your habits; they form your character.
Watch your character; it determines your destiny.

These words of unknown origin tell us that our silent and often subconscious choices shape our future. Every aspect of our lives, at home and at work, can be improved if we use our power to think, reflect, and make conscious choices about our thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, and habits.

Instead, many of us think of ourselves as victims. We complain about our circumstances and what others did to us. Whatever psychological comfort there is in feeling powerless and blameless when things aren’t going right, victims lead unsatisfied lives in the end.

We’re most vulnerable to victimitis when we’re under the influence of powerful emotions like fear, insecurity, anger, frustration, grief, and depression. These feelings can be so overwhelming that we believe our state of mind is inevitable. Our only hope is that they’ll go away on their own. Yet it’s during times of emotional tumult that using our power to choose our thoughts and attitudes is most important. We can’t make pain go away, but we can refuse to suffer.

Even when we don’t like any of our choices, we do have some – once we realize we can take control. It isn’t easy, but what we do and how we choose to feel about ourselves can have a profound impact on the quality of our lives. Victims may get sympathy for a while, but that isn’t nearly enough.

Taking personal responsibility for our happiness and success can be scary, but the payoff is enormous. Although we can’t make our lives perfect, we can make them better – usually a lot better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comment (17)

Since 1992, the Josephson Institute has issued a biennial report on the ethics of American high school students revealing significant erosion of values including high levels of dishonesty. The 2008 report found that 30 percent of students stole something from a store that year and 64 percent cheated on an exam.

Today, the Institute is releasing the findings of its first-ever large-scale study of the relationship between high school values, attitudes, and behavior and later adult conduct – and the results are disturbing. Three findings stand out:

1. Cynicism (the belief that lying and cheating are necessary to success) is one of the most significant and reliable predictors of dishonest behavior in the adult world. Unfortunately, the disease of cynicism is overtaking our youth. Teens and young adults are three to five times more likely than those over 50 to believe that lying and cheating are necessary to succeed. Why should we care? Because cynics are two to three times more likely to lie to a customer or boss, to inflate an expense or insurance claim, or to lie to their spouse or significant other about something important.

2. Partly as a result of this cynicism, younger generations are significantly more likely to engage in all forms of dishonest conduct than those who are older.

3. Character in high school matters. Regardless of their current age, people who cheated on exams two or more times in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest later in life.

The bottom line: Unless educational interventions alter these negative dispositions and behavior patterns, the amount of dishonesty and corruption across all social institutions is likely to increase significantly.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Learn more about this new study here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (6)

Think of the most ethical person you know. Do a lot of people come to mind or only a few? Are you having trouble thinking of anyone?

If I asked that question of the people who know you well, how many would name you? Almost all? About half? Just a few?

Unless this commentary makes you more humble, you will probably be among the vast majority who say that half or more of the people they know would think of them as an ethical role model. That’s highly unlikely. It’s more probable that almost no one you know would put you at the top of the list. Let’s face it, that’s a tough roster to get on.

Surveys show that about 95 percent of us want others to think of us as highly ethical, so our delusion of grandeur regarding our moral reputation is probably a case of wishful thinking. But wishful thinking won’t do it.

I wish I were thin. Unfortunately, my slim ambitions won’t change my waist size. For me, thinness will be an elusive dream until I convert my desire to actions: exercising regularly and eating moderately.

It’s the same with being ethical. Most of us suffer from moral flabbiness. This doesn’t mean we’re bad, but it does suggest we can be better. What we need is a “Be a Better Person” fitness program to tone up our character and strengthen our ethics. Just like working on our waist, hips, or arms, we could work on our honesty, fairness, and responsibility.

Who knows? If you really work at it, you could even make the list.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you to stay ethically fit because character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comment (14)

When a pessimist is told there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, he’s likely to assume it’s an onrushing train. According to journalist Sydney Harris, “A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he’s prematurely disappointed in the future.”

According to a well-traveled story, when Tillie died in her 90s, her friends were taken aback when they viewed her body and noticed a fork in her right hand. Tillie knew this would provoke questions, and she had instructed her pastor to give anyone who asked about the fork a copy of a signed note from her that read:

“I’m glad you asked about the fork. I’ve been to lots of church socials and potluck dinners in my life, and one thing I’ve noticed is when the dishes and flatware for the main course are being cleared, someone usually says, ‘Keep your fork.’ I loved that part because I knew dessert, the best part of dinner, was coming. So even as I pass from this life, I wanted a fork in my hand to remind you that the best is yet to come.”

British wit Samuel Johnson called hope a species of happiness. To the extent we can discipline ourselves to choose our attitudes, it only makes sense to think positively and be hopeful.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

You’ve probably heard me talk before about the Six Pillars of Character, the core ethical values central to the CHARACTER COUNTS! movement. But where did this list come from?

In 1992, the Joseph & Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics invited 30 leading educators and representatives from religious and secular youth-serving organizations to a conclave in Aspen, Colorado, to develop a strategy to overcome resistance to teaching values. What resulted was an eight-sentence proclamation called the Aspen Declaration:

1. The next generation will be the stewards of our communities, nation, and planet in extraordinarily critical times.
2. In such times, the well-being of our society requires an involved, caring citizenry with good moral character.
3. People do not automatically develop good moral character; therefore, conscientious efforts must be made to instruct young people in the values and abilities necessary for moral decision-making and conduct.
4. Effective character education is based on core ethical values rooted in a democratic society; in particular, trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, caring, fairness, justice, civic virtue, and citizenship.
5. These core ethical values transcend cultural, religious, and socioeconomic differences.
6. Character education is, first and foremost, an obligation of families and faith communities, but schools and youth-service organizations also have a responsibility to help develop the character of young people.
7. These responsibilities are best achieved when these groups work in concert.
8. The character and conduct of our youth reflect the character and conduct of society; therefore, every adult has the responsibility to teach and model core ethical values, and every social institution has the responsibility to promote the development of good character.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:27 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Blessed with the opportunities and burdened with the aggravations of raising four teenage daughters (actually one is only 11 but she acts like a teenager), my wife Anne and I are profoundly aware of the importance of instilling good values and decision-making skills to help them be safe, successful, happy, and good.

I think we’re doing a good job, but we know that isn’t enough. We worry about the values and character of other parents’ kids who may befriend, date, or marry our girls. And we worry about what our kids will learn in classrooms, playgrounds, and sports fields about things like honesty and honor, respect and responsibility, kindness and compassion, and service and self-discipline.

Although conscientious parents attentive to the moral education of their children can do a great deal to lay a solid foundation of positive values, lessons taught at home will be either reinforced or undermined by teachers, coaches, and others. Quite simply, when we shape values, we shape lives.

We can’t be value-neutral when we interact with kids because everything we say and do sends a message about what we believe and what we value, and these messages are part of the character-development process. If we refuse to promote positive values, we inadvertently demean them.

That’s why I’m such an ardent advocate of purposeful and pervasive values education. I want all the adults who help shape the attitudes and habits of my children to consciously and competently teach, enforce, advocate, and model positive character traits like trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship – the Six Pillars of Character.

Since this is National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week, it’s a great opportunity for you to consider whether schools in your area, or organizations you’re involved with, could be more directly involved in this vital effort.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:39 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

This is a big week for me. It’s the 16th annual National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week, endorsed by a bipartisan Senate Resolution and a Presidential Proclamation to promote and celebrate efforts to teach and model good character.

To be honest, I’m not only proud but amazed at how big the CHARACTER COUNTS! movement has become. It reaches more than 7 million young people and their families every year.

In 1992, when I started CHARACTER COUNTS!, a movement promoting character development based on universal moral values, most schools and youth-serving organizations steered away from teaching values.

Fearing values-based teaching would incite protests or lawsuits, they adopted a position of value neutrality grounded in what I call “moral agnosticism” – a position that denies or doubts the existence of common ethical values that transcend cultural, religious, and socioeconomic differences.

CHARACTER COUNTS! is based on the premise that value neutrality on core issues like truth, respect for human dignity, and justice is itself immoral and that schools and other organizations that help shape youngsters’ ethical perspectives have a moral duty to promote six character traits we call the Six Pillars of Character: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and good citizenship.

There was plenty of opposition at first. Some couldn’t believe a strategy based on shared values wasn’t a ploy to promote a religious or political ideology. Others, ignoring research and common sense, dismissed character development efforts as either impossible or ineffective.

The battle is hardly over, but as the millions celebrating CHARACTER COUNTS! Week prove, we’re getting stronger and we’re not going away.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Please visit charactercounts.org to find what’s being done. Go here to view this year’s Senate Resolution and Presidential Proclamation. Go here to view Senator Chris Todd’s endorsement speech before the Senate.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

A study titled “Parenting by Lying” reveals that most parents lie to their children, even though they tell their kids lying is wrong. The parents surveyed said they didn’t feel guilty because their lies were intended to accomplish legitimate parental goals such as getting a child to stop crying or protecting him or her from feeling bad or sad.

Reviewing the wide range of casual or careless lies told by parents to change behavior or manipulate emotions supports the observation that “the road to Hell is often paved with good intentions.”

Although honesty is an important virtue, I’m not a truth-telling fanatic. Truth can sometimes be sacrificed for another ethical value, and it’s sometimes okay to praise a present you dislike or choose kindness over candor.

My bedrock premise is that trust is more important than truth.

Playing with the truth is like playing with fire. It’s sometimes justified, but it’s unfailingly precarious. Lies are almost always bad because they almost always destroy trust.

Thus, before you decide that your noble intentions justify a lie, ask yourself: “If the person I lie to finds out the truth, will he or she thank me for caring or feel betrayed?” In other words, is the lie likely to damage trust?

Here are some other guidelines:

• Be sure the benefit you’re trying to gain by lying is important enough to risk a loss of trust.


• Don’t lie if you can accomplish your noble goal without lying (remember, necessity is not a fact, it’s an interpretation).


• Be careful that the lie doesn’t cause serious unintended consequence (e.g., telling a child that a monster will take him or her away could generate serious long-term anxiety).

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comment (6)

A new study titled “Parenting by Lying”* reports that the vast majority of parents** tell their children that lying is wrong. Nevertheless, almost all parents admit they lie to their children for a wide variety of reasons. In addition to lies concerning fantasies about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, parents lie to influence behavior and manipulate emotions.

Parents make up all sorts of lies to get their children to behave. Many parents admit to telling their kids that something bad, sometimes something very bad, will happen if they don’t brush their teeth, eat their vegetables, go to sleep, or stop crying. Threats included: a monster will get you, you’ll get pimples, or the police will take you away. Sometimes the lie promised something nice: you’ll become a beautiful princess or you’ll develop superpowers.

Parents also make up lies so their children won’t worry about their dad who lost a job or an upcoming divorce or to make them feel better about a dog that ran away (“He’s at a farm in the country”), an uncle who died (“He turned into a star to look out for you”), or their dad who was sent to prison (“He died a hero in a fire”).

I wasn’t surprised that parents lie to their children. After all, I recently told how I lied to my 4-year-old when she thought she was going to die from swallowing a blue stone. What struck me is how often parents lie and how careless, cruel, or shortsighted some of their falsehoods are. What’s more, many lies are totally unnecessary and unguided by any moral or practical principle. I’ll talk more about his tomorrow.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* “Parenting by Lying” by Gail D. Heyman, University of California, San Diego, and Diem H. Luua and Kang Leeb, University of Toronto, Canada. Journal of Moral Education, Vol. 38, No. 3, September 2009, pp. 353-369.

**Seventy-four percent of parents tell their children that lying is wrong, allowing for no exceptions. Sixteen percent tell them that lying may be acceptable under some circumstances.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comment (10)

Whether you're a sports fan or not, you have to acknowledge the powerful cultural influence sports has on our culture. The values of millions of participants and spectators are shaped by the values conveyed in sports, including our views on what is permissible and proper in the competitive pursuit of personal goals.

Professional sports and even highly competitive intercollegiate sports seem irreversibly addicted to the idea that sports is basically a business and that the only thing that makes sports profitable is winning. And if that means we have to tolerate egocentric self-indulgent showboating or whining, violence or even cheating, so be it. Clearly these attitudes have invaded youth sports as well. Everywhere we see that a lot of adults -- both coaches and parents -- need to grow up and realize the game is not about either their egos or ambitions.

The appropriate mission of youth sports is to provide kids a safe environment in which they have fun, build character, learn to practice sportsmanship, and develop skills and traits that help them become responsible citizens and live happy, healthy lives. Striving to win is an important aspect of competition and teaching kids how to compete effectively and honorably is important, but youth sports is not primarily about winning; it's about trying to win and learning through effort and improvement.

Of course winning is fun and kids like to win, but it's the adults who distort the experience because of their need to win. No matter how much we try, only a few youngsters will move beyond high school sports, and an even tinier percentage will make a living from athletics. But when youth sports is done right, every participant can build positive life skills and gain lifelong memories from the pursuit of victory with honor.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Learn more about Josephson Institute's sportsmanship programs here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:55 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Looking back on your life, what would you change if you could?

In the classic 1946 film It’s a Wonderful Life, the main character, a small-town bank officer played by Jimmy Stewart, is about to commit suicide when an angel shows him how different the lives of people in Bedford Falls would be if he hadn’t been born. The movie is a favorite because it affirms how each of us touches the lives and shapes the future in unexpected and often marvelous ways.

More modern films like Back to the Future, Sliding Door, and Frequency are built on a similar premise: If you change the past, you change the future – often in dramatic and unpredictable ways. If you change one thing, you change everything.

Given the potential impact of every decision you make, it’s wise to think ahead. Although few things turn out exactly as we plan, the better we understand how our choices start a chain reaction of events, the more likely we are to get what we want.

The enormous complexity of cause and effect leads to another conclusion: It’s futile to look back at our lives with "what if" scenarios. What’s done is done. Although changing our past would change our present, it would do so in ways that are so unpredictable that we could never know whether it would be for better or worse.

Accept and celebrate the fact that what you are today is a direct result of everything that’s happened to you. It’s pointless to wish things were different. Remember, if you change one thing, you change everything.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

When my daughter Abrielle was 4, she came running down the hall screaming. “I don’t want to die! I swallowed a stone!” I immediately determined that nothing was obstructing her throat, but she was still in a panic.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” I tried to soothe her. “You’re not going to die.”

She thought I didn’t understand. “But I swallowed a stone! It was a blue one!” she emphasized, as if I should realize that was a particularly deadly one.

Apparently a babysitter, to discourage her from putting things in her mouth, had told her she could die if she swallowed the wrong things. To Aby, that included some polished stones I’d given her.

I assured her that she was in no danger, that the stone would come out in the morning when she went poo-poo.

She ran to the toilet, hollering, “I want it out now!” She began pushing so hard, it looked like a blood vessel would burst. She was frightened and desperate.

Moments like this test and refine your values. Truth and reason weren’t working. So I lied.

“I know what to do,” I declared. I got a spoonful of maple syrup and brought it back. “Here, swallow this,” I told her. “It will melt the stone.”

“Will it be gone?” she looked up in wonder.

“Absolutely.”

She swallowed it and announced triumphantly, “Daddy melted the stone! I’m not going to die!”

The emergency was over, but I hated lying to her. A few weeks later, I sat down and told her the truth, worried that she would never trust me again. Funny, she trusted me even more.

Truth is important, but trust is the ultimate treasure.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:37 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

Today my hero, John Wooden, is celebrating his 99th birthday. It’s a happy coincidence that this occurs on the brink of National CHARACTER COUNTS! Week (October 18-24), which highlights the importance of strengthening the character of America’s youth, because Coach Wooden is, above all, a teacher of character.

In the preface to Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court by John Wooden with Steve Jamison, Jamison describes his coauthor this way: “Coach Wooden is pure of heart, modest, trusting, humble, understated, serene, without pretense or hidden agenda, sincere, straightforward, intelligent, quick, confident, and willed with such a profound decency and tremendous inner strength that it’s humbling.

“His conversations always include pithy quotes, wise aphorisms, and inspiring poems he recites from memory. One of his favorites emphasizes his belief that a coach is, first and foremost, a teacher:

“No written word nor spoken plea
Can teach our youth what they should be,
Nor all the books on all the shelves.
It’s what the teachers are themselves.”

Well, here’s a fella who truly understands and lives up to the responsibilities of being a role model. But don’t take my word for it. You can see and hear him on YouTube. There are lots of choices, but I hope you’ll watch an interview I did with him a few years ago titled “Coach Wooden: Pursuing Victory With Honor and the Teacher-Coach.”

Happy birthday, Coach.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

I once heard the chairman and CEO of a huge public company tell a roomful of ambitious, hardworking, dedicated executives that if he had to do it all over again, he would have spent more time with his family. That’s not news, but to Type-A personalities, it’s easier said than done.

David L. Weatherford’s poem “Slow Dance” sends the message in a particularly compelling way:

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun fading into the night?
You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, “How are you?” do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won’t last.

Ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow,”
And in your haste not seen his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
’Cause you never had time to call and say hi?
You better slow down, don’t dance so fast,
Time is short, the music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It’s like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life is not a race, so take it slower,
Hear the music before your song is over.

The question isn’t whether this makes sense to you. It’s what are you going to do about it, and when are you going to start?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:23 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

John Wooden, one of my personal heroes, is about to turn 99. Yes, I said 99.

I feel extraordinarily blessed to have had the occasional honor and privilege to work with him in the past decade, and the power of his character continues to enlighten and inspire me.

I spent seven years at UCLA (from 1960-1967) admiring the enormously successful basketball teams Coach Wooden taught (that’s the phrase he likes to use). He was an authentic legend and a personal idol when I finally had a chance to meet him 30 years later and, frankly, I feared I’d be disappointed.

My fears were unfounded. In fact, he exceeded my expectations.

I’d read a lot about him, but it didn’t prepare me for the experience of being with him. John Wooden exudes an inner dignity, moral strength, and wisdom that are inspiring, and his personal humility actually enhances the impression that you are in the presence of a great man.

He has a way of making everyone he talks with feel important.

During our first few meetings, he was embarrassingly respectful and deferential, calling me “Mr. Josephson” despite my requests that he use my first name. On my 60th birthday, he wrote me a handwritten letter that’s one of my most cherished mementos. The letter was written in a strong, clear handwriting one would not expect from a 92-year-old, yet it was emblematic of this impeccable man.

Everything he says is imbued with integrity, respect, and kindness made so much more powerful because it’s genuine and effortless.

This is particularly humbling.

For me, striving to be a person of character involves a daily struggle. In comparison to Coach Wooden’s graceful authenticity, it sometimes feels as if I’m acting the part of a good person rather than really being one. It’s disconcerting, but I’m so glad I have such an incredible role model to encourage higher aspirations.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:24 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

A legend tells of a French monastery known throughout Europe for the extraordinary leadership of a man known only as Brother Leo. Several monks began a pilgrimage to visit Brother Leo to learn from him. Almost immediately, they began to bicker about who should do various chores.

On the third day they met another monk going to the monastery, and he joined them. This monk never complained or shirked a duty, and whenever the others would fight over a chore, he would gracefully volunteer and do it himself. By the last day, the others were following his example, and from then on they worked together smoothly.

When they reached the monastery and asked to see Brother Leo, the man who greeted them laughed. “But our brother is among you!” And he pointed to the fellow who had joined them.

Today, many people seek leadership positions, not so much for what they can do for others but for what the position can do for them: status, connections, perks, advantages. They do service as an investment, a way to build an impressive resume.

The parable about Brother Leo teaches another model of leadership, where leaders are preoccupied with serving rather than being followed, with giving rather than getting, with doing rather than demanding. Leadership based on example, not command. This is called servant leadership.

Can you imagine how much better things would be if more politicians, educators, and business executives saw themselves as servant leaders?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Trustworthiness is essential to good relationships, and honesty is essential to trustworthiness. Being honest isn’t simply telling the truth, though. It’s also being sincere and forthright. Thus, it’s just as dishonest to deceive someone by half-truths or silence as it is to lie.

But what if honesty requires us to volunteer information that could be damaging or hurtful?

For example, should you say something when a coworker begins to dress or act in a way that’s generating ridicule and damaging his or her credibility? What if you discover your friend’s husband is having an affair? Do you tell your brother bad things you know about a woman he’s getting involved with?

It’s easy to rationalize silence in such volatile situations because it’s less dangerous for you. Telling hard truths, however well-intended, can seriously damage relationships. On the other hand, silence can be viewed as a betrayal of trust if it’s later discovered that you withheld information.

When considering conveying a hard truth, and the principles of honesty, respect, and caring are in conflict, there’s no single right thing to do. In such moments, heed these four critical factors:

1. Motive. Be sure and pure about your reasons. Your intentions must be honorable, and you must have the well-being of your friend at heart. It’s not about you.
2. Tact. Choose and prepare your words carefully. If necessary, rehearse to lessen the chance that you’ll speak impulsively or inappropriately.
3. Tone. When speaking, avoid self-righteousness or accusations.
4. Timing. Pick a place and time that will lend itself to a frank interchange.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comment (16)

Greg and Marge have two young children, and they’re unhappy with their neighborhood schools. Greg’s sister suggests they use her address so they can send their kids to a better school in her neighborhood. What should they do?

This sort of problem faces good people all the time and makes the “end-justifies-the-means” argument seem awfully attractive. There’s no shortage of rationalizations: “Everyone does it.” “The system’s unfair.” “We’ve got to do what’s best for our kids.”

The fact is, lying to get your kids into a better school may help their academic education but it will play havoc with their moral education. And that can’t be a good thing.

First of all, everyone doesn’t cheat. Second, this sort of scam doesn’t involve just one lie. It requires living a lie. Every time the kids are asked where they live, they’ll have to lie. They’ll either grow accustomed to lying in a way that most assuredly erodes their integrity or they’ll live in constant fear of being caught. Either way, they lose.

If the system of restricting residents to local schools is unfair, lying strategies make it worse. Yes, lying can help the liar’s family in one respect, but so will stealing. All dog-eat-dog strategies benefit some at the expense of others. That’s why they’re unethical.

Look, I don’t want to minimize the hard choices parents have to make. But it would be a bigger mistake to underestimate the consequences of taking the low road.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:21 AM | Permalink | Comment (8)

Dave had to undergo painful throat surgery. Since he wasn’t a young man and made his living as a professional speaker, the experience was frightening and traumatic.

He told me his surgeon was skilled and the hospital workers were competent, but the cold indifference of the parade of nurses and doctors who came in and out of his room was one of the most depressing, demoralizing, and dehumanizing experiences of his life.

They treated his disease rather than treating him as a person with a disease, often talking in front of him as if he were a dumb animal who couldn’t understand or wouldn’t mind what they were saying. Although they were assigned to his care, they acted as if they didn’t care. Their behavior was outright toxic.

I can understand why medical practitioners keep an emotional distance from human suffering as a form of self-protection. And I understand how confronting difficult and demanding patients as well as pain, disease, and death on a daily basis can form calluses around one’s heart. But when professional distance translates to disrespect, it’s a form of malpractice.

The job of medical professionals is not simply to cure disease but to care for the overall well-being of patients. They do their job best when they help patients get better and help them feel better.

What saved him, Dave said, wasn’t the painkilling drugs but the attitude of a few nurses who uplifted his spirits by simple acts of human decency – a smile, a kind word, a compassionate expression or tone – that conveyed the message that they truly cared.

We have to love and admire those who can bring their hearts to their work, knowing that mental sunshine and flowers are powerful medicines.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Todd was a sadly quiet 11-year-old struggling to adjust to the death of his mother. His father had left long ago, and Todd was living with an aunt who made it known she resented the responsibility.

On several occasions, his teacher Sheryl heard his aunt tell him, “If it weren’t for my generosity, you’d be a homeless orphan.”

Sheryl took extra pains to make Todd feel valued in class and encouraged his interest in making things. Just before Christmas break, Todd shyly presented her with a small decorated box he’d made.

“It’s beautiful,” Sheryl gushed.

Todd replied, “There’s something special inside that my mom gave me before she died. She said it’s the one thing I can give and still have plenty left over. It helps you feel better when you’re sad and safe when you’re scared."

As Sheryl started to open the box, Todd warned her, “Oh, you can’t see it.”

Sure enough, the box was empty.

“Well, what is it?” Sheryl asked kindly.

“It’s love. You’re the first person since my mom whom I love.”

Sheryl hugged Todd tightly. “I’ll treasure this forever," she said. "It’s the best gift I ever got.”

She kept it on her desk until she retired and touched it whenever she was sad or scared. It never failed to make her heart smile.

Years later, Todd sent her the tassel he wore during his graduation from medical school. It’s been in the box ever since.

In truth, love – not diamonds – is the gift that keeps on giving. What’s more, love generates itself. The more you give away, the more you have left.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:55 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

One of the great challenges to our humanity is acknowledging and overcoming our natural tendency to think less of and discriminate against people who are different from us racially, ethnically, religiously, or ideologically.

Despite persistent rhetoric about prizing diversity, political debates often reflect disdain and contempt for those we disagree with, and prejudices of all sorts are more readily stated. Indeed, there are disturbing signs that anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, and anti-Catholic attitudes are rising throughout the world.

James Patrick Kinney wrote the following poem, “The Cold Within,” to remind us of what’s at stake:

Six humans trapped by happenstance,
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back,
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking ’cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught, except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave,
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death’s still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn’t die from the cold without.
They died from the cold within.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

It’s often said that our choices reveal our character, but it’s also true that our choices shape our character. Thus, the more aware we become of the choices we make every day – about our attitudes, words, actions, and reactions – the more power we have over our destiny.

According to Senator Bob Bennett of Utah, a big supporter of CHARACTER COUNTS!, “Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”

It’s true. When we accept moral responsibility for our choices, we take charge of our lives. Yet sometimes the power to choose is not self-evident, especially to teenagers who are struggling to deal with hormone-intensified impulses accompanying powerful emotions like excitement, desire, frustration, and anger. These emotions can be so strong that they can create moods and urges that seem beyond control. As a result, no attempt is made to control them.

At the root of good decision-making is self-control and the knowledge that no matter how difficult or confusing the situation, we always have the power to choose what we think, say, and do – even when we are under tremendous pressure or don’t like our options.

Like a ship without a captain to steer it, when we hide behind our self-serving illusion of helplessness (“You made me mad,” “You left me no choice,” “I couldn’t help myself”), our lives move in aimless and random directions and sometimes run aground. But if we take control, we have control.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)