Michael Josephson Commentary
Josephson Institute  >  Commentary  >  Listening: A Vital Dimension of Respect 635.4

Listening: A Vital Dimension of Respect 635.4

The virtue of respectfulness is demonstrated by being courteous, being civil, and treating everyone in a manner that acknowledges and honors their essential human dignity.

An important but often neglected aspect of respectfulness is listening to what others say. Respectful listening is more than hearing. It requires us to consider what’s being said. That’s hard when we’ve heard it before, aren’t interested, or don’t think much of the person talking. It’s even worse when we act like we’re listening but are just waiting for our turn to speak.

The fact is, most of us don’t listen well, certainly not all the time, and especially with those closest to us. Kids are especially adept at tuning out their parents, but parents are equally skilled at ignoring or dismissing as foolish or irrelevant what kids have to say.

The disrespectfulness of not listening is most apparent when others ignore or patronize us (rolling their eyes in a show of impatience or contempt or faking interest with a vacant stare or wandering eyes).

We all want to know that what we say and think matters. But if we want others to care about what we say, we need to care about what they say. Like all the important virtues, we teach respect best by demonstrating it. So listen up! It’ll make people feel better, and you may learn something.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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If only we could gather up every politician from city councils to the halls of Congress and have them listen to this commentary! It seems our leaders only wish to hear party platforms and dictates rather than be open to new ideas and solutions. When an elected official disrespects a colleague by not listening, he disrespects the entire community. The death of America will not be at the hands of extremist terrorists, but by our own leaders who fail to do what is best for the country in favor of what is best for their political parties. And by the inaction of our own citizens who will not rise up against this self-destructive direction in which we are headed. We are a young nation and so think we are immune to this. But history shows all arrogant nations eventually collapse. If you think Nero fiddling while Rome burned was a sight, wait until you see Congress fiddling while America burns.

In reviewing the various comments concerning Congressman Wilson's outburst, everyone thought it was wrong to do, but they also didn't think President Obama was telling truth. If you don't tell someone the truth, then you lie, but we shouldn't call them on it. And if it had been George Bush and a Democrat would have said it, then he would be a hero in the press.

What we are beginning to witness is an anger building in this country by people who are mad at people who have become the ruling class and no longer feel they owe it to the people who voted for them to hear what they have to say. The problem is that the ordinary citizen doesn't know how to work within political parties to change what they perceive to be unjustice and heavy-handed tactics. We need to set term limits on everyone in Congress so that those serving remember it is a privilege, not a right.

The only reason Mr. Obama has not faced angry crowds is that he is protected by the Secret Service who take a dim view of any activity that might put the President in jeopardy. Whether I like the Presdient or not, I do not want anyone trying to harm him. So the security will have to be tolerated even if it does stifle an honest debate.

Health care is an issue that will polarize this country like nothing else since the Vietnam War. This country is going through a difficult time economically and all Congress wants to do is raise taxes to pay for health care. There is a certain amount of lunacy there.

Mr Josephson, please keep on plugging.

Please, I can't imagine how people can continue to believe the stuff that is thrown out there by commercial hacks who have been name-calling for years. Comparing everyone they do not like to Nazis is old hat (femi-Nazis was just a start quite a while ago for women who didn't stay in their place) and calling children of presidents ugly has been a sad game played by adults as well as calling the first lady a cow or hog or worse. These people do this to collect a commercial following and to enrich themselves while often living lives that are not what their target followers see as correct--if they think about it. The name-calling, invective, hate, anger and lies have been ploys that have now infected our daily lives.

No one yelling "You lie" to Pres. Bush in a meeting of Congress would have been excused even though it was proved he did lie about facts (or believe others) before the Iraq war. Claiming the President is the anti-Christ out to kill seniors and veterans and Down syndrome children is just bizarre and untrue but is repeated so often that some believe it. He should be able to defend his positions without being hollered at.

When will we start to do better? When will people who buy into this stuff understand they're being sold expensive commercial time and start to think for themselves. No, they won't all agree, but they may start to think as individuals. It would help.

Hearing goes both ways, and it is difficult to have an honest debate when direct questions are not answered directly but spun to avoid the real issue, which is the common practice with most politicians. When people feel they are not being heard, they tend to get louder, even though it generally doesn't help. So how do you get someone's attention when they're completely ignoring you and continuing their spin? About all you can do is move on to something else, but when it's the U.S. government that has a huge impact on your life, you have to fight to get someone's attention or you succumb and give in to going along with the crowd. In these cases, it is very difficult to stand up for your values in a congenial way. We must have reform to allow for open and honest discussion without simply pushing through our agenda, if we want to be able to have positive, civil discussions.

Mr. T, I'd like to address your comments regarding Mr. Wilson's outburst. For the past several years the Democrats in Congress listened respectfully without outburst to former president Bush and his cabinet fabricate stories, trample rights and bully those who disagreed with his viewpoint. Your point that if it had been a Democrat they would have been hailed as a hero is mute because it did not happen. If you are only beginning to see the anger building in this country, then I'd say you are at last waking up to what the majority of Americans have been feeling for many years. President Obama has faced angry crowds, armed and vocal crowds. Unlike past administrations, his staff has not separated him from those with differing viewpoints. I'm guessing you and your loved ones have access to healthcare and jobs or retirement packages. But I'm also willing to bet someone assisted you in some way to attain those things. It may have been a factory worker, office staff, salespeople or other lower-level workers who performed in some way to support your level of accomplishment. I believe they should also have access to healthcare. It's not going to bankrupt the country to care for those who help keep the country moving forward. If great minds with caring hearts could leave stale agendas at the door, the American people could innovate a solution to this stalemate. But it will take open dialogue and a willingness to listen to new ideas. "Stay the course" is no longer an option.
I wish you wellness.

To tell you the truth, I don't have a problem with the shout out. The problem is that the American public is not being listened to by the government. And the people are frustrated and rightfully so. Mr. Obama is circumnavigating the Bill of Rights
and the Constitution to get what he wants. And the people need to be heard before the whole country goes under. And so if it takes shouting out, then so be it.

What's funny is that I never heard the comment. I was listening on the radio, and when Obama said "no coverage for illegal immigrants," there was so much commotion in the form of moans, and ohhs, and murmurs that I had no idea anyone had shouted "liar." Not until the media told me it was said. And upon repeated listenings, I still could not hear the comment.
So was this only heard in the room, and then people spread it? I think so. Which says something else too I think. The gossip phone tree is alive and well.
But I do agree with you about the need for civility in political discussions. From everyone. Just because there are disagreements doesn't mean the people involved are bad people. And it doesn't mean those people involved have nothing in common either.
Thanks for your commentaries!

Lying to or about someone is about as disrespectful as one can get without making physical contact. Not listening isn't even close.
Its hard to believe that an elected official actually summoned the courage to speak out against politics as usual.
While I applaud Rep. Wilson and his courage, what does it really say about our system of government (and the people governed) that telling the truth is newsworthy?

Just go back to sleep America. Our political heroes and pop stars will fix everything.

After all, that is what we the people want, right?

What are we teaching our children? Shauna Swank-Sahlein, you should be ashamed to be tolerant of the outburst. It does not matter what brought about the outburst; it should not have happened. The President of the United States was speaking. You do not have to respect the man, but you should respect the position.

On another note, the American people are the government and we have an obligation to keep in contact with our representatives and let them know what our views are. Our elected representatives should be a mirror of our character, polite, moral, and ethical. As a people, if we re-elect a less-than-honorable person as our representative, perhaps that too is a mirror of our character.

What is even more appalling to me than this is the number of parents who either kept their children at home the day we showed President Obama's speech to our students or refused to allow them to hear it, requiring those students to be taken to the library so that the rest of the school could. The President's speech was worthy of listening to regardless of personal politics. Has any other President been shown that much disrespect? This is a race issue, and a sad reminder that our country has not come as far as some of us had hoped. Some of the comments I heard from young children who were obviously repeating what they had been taught at home were shocking.

I think listening is very important because when you don't listen to your mom or any other adult warning you to be careful about something dangerous you are doing. I sometimes get in trouble for not listening to the adult and end up in trouble at school. Listening is also about respect, like if someone is talking and you are talking while some other people are trying to hear the person that is speaking. Little kids get distracted easily so when the parent tells them to do something, they do the opposite and end up in trouble or even hurt if they are not careful. That is what I think listening means.

Listening is one important thing to respect. Less people now listen a lot, but more people don't listen and say "Huh, may you repeat that?" That is one way you can tell that they aren't listening. If you don't listen, you aren't showing respect, but if you are listening, you are showing respect. Many people in my school don't listen and just talk, but they get bad grades when they aren't listening. Many people should start listening, especially the kids so they can have a better future instead of a bad future.

To me, it is saying we must listen and have respect for each other. When people talk, just listen to what they've got to say. We must always listen because by listening we show respect. An example is if we are in a classroom and a student starts to talk, we should listen to what he or she has to say. That is how we show respect.

Listening is important because if you do not listen, you will not learn. You need to listen because when you listen, you learn and you will be able to show someone else something. Also when you listen, people will know you have respect and manners. Also that you take directions well. You also need to listen in case it's important or an emergency.

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