Dealing With Self-Doubt and Self-Improvement 637.2
Jews all over the world are in the midst of a ten-day period called the High Holy Days that commenced with Rosh Hashanah, the official celebration of the Jewish New Year, and will end with Yom Kippur, a solemn day of atonement and recommitment to one’s highest ethical ideals.
Taking the meaning and mandates of this event seriously requires a deep and, at least for me, uncomfortable look inward to measure the consistency between all we profess and the acts we perform.
The idea is to pause and sit in objective judgment of the state of our souls, to hold ourselves accountable for our words and moral ambitions, and to acknowledge any gaps between our beliefs and actions.
As Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan put it, the goal is “to seek reconstruction of one’s personality in accordance with the highest ethical possibilities of human nature.”
The profound insight underlying this quest for self-improvement is that every human being is endowed with the ability to understand good and evil and the free will to choose good.
I am frequently discouraged by my own scorecard.
Among my many shortcomings: I get mad at my children more often and hold onto my anger or resentments longer than I should. I’ve made no meaningful progress in addressing my weight problem even in the face of a ceaseless barrage of good advice and new strategies from caring family and strangers.
I therefore struggle with self-doubt and a sense of unworthiness to instruct others how to live their lives.
My challenge in the coming days is to muster the energy and will to forgive myself, appreciate what I’ve done right, and rededicate myself to the ongoing struggle toward self-improvement to become what I want to be. It’s really hard. I guess that’s the whole point.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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Comments
Hi Michael, been a long time and hope all is well with you and your family.
Wanted to share something with you. Our son is currently in law school and beyond excited to learn all the references and importance you carry in that realm. Just want you to know you made a difference in our lives and I will always be grateful to you.
Be well,
Pat
Posted by: Pat Maliszewski | September 21, 2009 11:09 AM
Dear M.J.,
Stop mentioning your weight. It doesn't make you a bad person. The things you do far outweigh anything fickle as that.
P.S. I hear lots of sleep will help you metabolize faster if you're really that concerned about it, but really, it's not a big deal.
Posted by: Anon | September 21, 2009 6:23 PM
I love reading or listening to your commentaries. As many readers/listeners have already told you, your commentaries do make a difference. I am a wife, mother, friend, and teacher. I believe your thoughts on character help guide me toward becoming a better person. Your wisdom helps remind me how to treat each individual with kindness and respect. Keep up the great work.
Thank you!
Posted by: Anonymous | September 22, 2009 4:27 PM
In my tradition, what you describe as "the pause" is confession. It is so much more about looking at ourselves honestly and attempting to reconcile what we do with what we say and believe, rather than spewing errors and gaining access into acceptability.
"The whole point" is, in fact, motivation to become the best you can be, fully integrated and fully human. In my religion's language, "all that God created you to be." The quest is lifelong, and it is both very difficult and most joyful.
My blessings to you and your family in this most holy time. You are a blessing in my life.
Posted by: Kathleen | September 25, 2009 8:06 AM
For me it is the self-doubt that gnaws at the soul, that inner voice that says "You're no good. Why bother? Don't even try."
That's why I subscribe to the newsletter. Listening to your commentaries helps quiet the voice and substitutes a clear and positive message instead. Happy new year to you, Michael.
Posted by: Thomas Smith | September 25, 2009 8:23 AM
I've always been puzzled about Yom Kippur, the day of atonement and recommitment to one's highest ethical ideals. I observe such a wide gap between the intention of Yom Kippur and the actual practices of its devotees. Of course, the same can be said for other religions and the chasm between principle and practice.
It's admirable to live life in concordance with our highest ethical principles, but we often fall short. Whether it is our relationships, our health, or our service to our family and community, living fully authentic or flawed is part of the human condition. The most we can do is to help each other; when one falls off the path, offer a hand to strengthen our route of return.
We are all on the planet to help and be of service to each other. No matter which country holds our identity, our origin, or our family, we must reach out to each other and learn about each other's highest ethical ideals.
Posted by: Rey Carr | September 29, 2009 3:56 PM
Mr. Josephson, as a character education devotee, your comments reminded me of how your words deal directly with one of Judaism's primary goals for individuals...to repair the world. It is something you work hard to do through your words and, in spite of what individual human imperfections you feel challenged by, you clearly help your readers treat each other in an ethical and Godly way. You are appreciated.
Posted by: Larry Schwarz | September 30, 2009 4:03 AM
I would like feedback about a situation at my elementary school. A first-grade boy clearly lied about using permanent marker on an overhead. He denied it even though the other kids said he did it. The teacher let it go. The parent found out through another parent, then contacted me (school counselor). The teacher felt the student was already stressed from mom being a single parent and in school full time. She is a conscientious parent. I think it's a slippery slope and in fact my 12-year-old lied to me shortly after. I shudder to think if I would've enabled him for being adopted or because it was his birthday that day. Help!
Posted by: Louise | September 30, 2009 6:16 AM
Don't worry, Michael. You're doing a good job. If there were more people like you in this world, we would not be in the mess we are in at this present time. You have good intentions and a gift for expressing what you think. I have the feeling that the movement you started will grow. We can't sink lower than this! Either we become more decent, caring, responsible people or we will be in very deep trouble.
Posted by: Virginia | October 5, 2009 9:07 PM