A few weeks ago I wrote a commentary about toxic incivility inspired by the Congressman who shouted “You lie!” to President Obama during his State of the Union speech. I appealed to readers and listeners to set aside personal and political perspectives and to see how damaging it is when simple precepts like civility are ignored.

Reasonable and respectful discourse becomes impossible when shouted down by sincere, but self-righteous, verbal assaults.

My commentary generated lots of letters. To my dismay, most were blatant examples of what I was warning against. The pro-Obamas agreed that incivility was wrong, but they often added uncivil indictments of the Republicans. The anti-Obamas endorsed or minimized the rude behavior because they said the President deserved it. Others lamented that it was unfair that there was no similar outrage when Democrats insulted President Bush.

A week later I suggested that understanding and adhering to principles of democracy are more important than the healthcare debate itself. I also asserted that each of us has a moral duty to approach policy conflicts with respect, humility, and a willingness to compromise.

Again, most letters ignored my central point and chose to make partisan arguments advocating or opposing various healthcare solutions.

So I want to make one more run at it.

Every one of us, regardless of the intensity of our beliefs or the content of our political predispositions, has a moral obligation to treat opposing views – and the people who utter them – with respect, to have genuine humility, and to be willing to compromise.

Passionate political convictions do not yield easily to humility, but without it, respect and compromise are often not options.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Comment (28)

Ben’s first duty as a new pastor was to conduct a funeral service for Albert, a man who had died in his eighties. Since he didn’t know the deceased, he invited members of the congregation to say a few kind words about Albert.

No one budged. “Many of you knew Albert for years,” Ben prompted them. “Surely someone can say something nice.”

After an uncomfortable pause, a voice from the back of the room said, “Well, his brother was worse.”

If you died tomorrow, what would people say about you? Would their comments make you proud of the way you lived and the choices you made?

There’s an old saying: “If you want to know how to live your life, think about what you’d like people to say about you after you die…and live backwards.”

Thinking about the legacy we want to leave can help us keep our priorities straight. When the end is near, it’s not likely any of us will say, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” Unfortunately, many of us only begin to realize the value of the time we have after we’ve frittered much of it away in shallow ruts going nowhere important.

It’s hard to think now what will matter later. But doing so can dramatically improve our chances of living a full and meaningful life with few regrets.

Knowing how we want to be remembered also allows us to make a strategic plan for our lives. How much wiser would our choices be if we had the wisdom and discipline to regularly ask ourselves whether all the things we do and say are taking us where we want to be at the end?

In a sense, we write our eulogies by the choices we make every day.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Yom Kippur is the highest of the High Holy Days in the Jewish religion. The essence of this sacred day – the true root of the holiday – includes but goes well beyond fasting and praying. It requires believers to make a personal, unflinching assessment of their character and conduct, not as an end in itself, but as part of a process of mandated self-improvement to meet our ultimate religious duty: to become a person of exemplary virtue, a mensch.

The essence of Yom Kippur is its focus on reflection, repentance, and reparation. To clean the slate for a New Year, Jews must identify and accept accountability for all words and deeds that may have injured or offended others and seek forgiveness not only from God but from each person we wounded in the past year. That’s called atonement.

The ritual is specific: One must convey an apology and ask forgiveness. Where possible, we must also seek to repair the damage done.

The really hard thing is that the confession must be sincere and unconditional. Asking for a pardon while including self-justification (“I’m sorry I said those mean things, but you hurt my feelings first”) negates the acceptance of accountability and often turns the apology into an accusation.

But there’s a great payoff. Once we’ve properly expressed repentance, the offended party is morally obligated to forgive us. And, of course, we are required to forgive those who apologize to us. The point is, continuing to hold a grudge is not permitted.

You don’t have to be Jewish to appreciate and benefit from the wisdom of this practice as a way to strengthen our character and improve and repair relationships.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

There’s a well-traveled story about a teacher who showed his class a one-gallon jar and a dozen large rocks.

After a little rearranging, he got all the rocks into the jar, filling it to the top. He then dumped a bag of gravel into the jar until the spaces between the rocks were filled. Next he poured sand into the jar, shaking it so the sand filled the spaces between the rocks and the gravel. Finally, he emptied a pitcher of water into it.

“What does this demonstration prove?” he asked.

One student said, “No matter how full your life seems, you can always take on a little more.”

Another said, “Sequence and planning is important to maximizing productivity.”

A third said, “It’s about setting priorities. If you don’t deal with the big rocks first, all you’ll end up with is a jar of wet sand and gravel.”

There’s validity to each response, but the idea of identifying and dealing with the big rocks first is a particularly valuable insight.

We will live fuller and more fulfilling lives if we set our priorities – not only at work but in our life as a whole. Our relationships, work, spiritual life, hobbies, and charitable causes all claim our attention. We have to decide what’s really important.

Too often we surrender control of our days, even the direction of our lives, by letting circumstances or other people determine how we spend our time. Thus, we deal with what comes at us in the order that it comes or with squeaking wheels and demanding people.

Unless we distinguish between the rocks, gravel, sand, and water in our lives, we’re likely to neglect or forget the things that truly matter.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

A former successful college coach and athletic director once wrote me a note about the state of college sports.

The pressure to win in high-profile schools is so great, he said, that it’s almost impossible to resist rationalizing. When competitors cheat or engage in other unethical conduct, the tendency is to redefine the ground rules for competition rather than be at a disadvantage.

He compared the way win-hungry boosters blur the vision and undermine the integrity of coaches and administrators with the way money-hungry shareholders stress stock prices, which promotes accounting manipulation and other ethical shortcuts.

In sports, outsiders who aren't concerned with a college’s educational mission or notions of sportsmanship and character-building promote a “no excuses” demand on coaches that can transform an athletic program into a business driven by the pursuit of money and glory.

In business, shareholders (from day traders to money managers of mutual and pension funds) who aren’t concerned with the ethics or long-term viability of a company create pressures and incentives that can promote short-term decision-making and undermine the economic and moral health of their firm.

We need people to act as guardians who will understand and protect the soul of their enterprise. Coaches should be allowed to think about more than winning, and business executives should be given the opportunity to consider more than stock prices and short-term profits.

If we don’t recalibrate our incentive systems and insulate coaches and managers from unhealthy influences, things will only get worse.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Ask young people why they get high on drugs or alcohol or seek sex without intimacy or commitment and they’re likely to tell you it’s fun and they just want to be happy.

It’s tempting to envy the life of fun-loving “party animals,” “playboys,” and “good-time girls” until one thinks about how they feel about themselves and their lives when they’re alone without the hyped-up stimulation they seem to thrive on.

It doesn’t take a psychologist to realize that if happiness is the destination, these folks are on the wrong road. The problem is, the intense sensation of fun or feelings of pleasure experienced by a substance-induced buzz or an exciting sexual encounter are quickly replaced with a consuming sense of emptiness that drives a need to start all over to fill the vessel again.

Each time drinkers, drug users, or sex addicts discover that getting what they wanted isn’t making them happy, they fall into the despondency conveyed in the famous Peggy Lee song: “Is That All There Is?”

People who make pleasure-seeking the focus of their lives are like drug addicts who need continually stronger and more dangerous doses to get high.

Happiness is different than fun and pleasure. It’s a less intense, but more durable, feeling of well-being. It’s not a continuous state. A good life is usually seasoned with moments of joy and despair, play and work, success and failure. Happiness is a kind of emotional resting place of quiet satisfaction with one’s life.

The art of living a happy life is not having more of what you want but getting better at enjoying what you have.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:36 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

A 6-year-old girl I’ll call Sarah knocked over a display case that contained a much-cherished vase once owned by her great-grandmother. Her mom loved that vase and frequently referred to it as the family treasure. The vase hit the floor with a loud crash and shattered into pieces. Sarah, shocked and frightened at what she’d done, screamed and began sobbing.

Her mom came running into the room fearing the worst. Seeing the shattered vase, her heart sank. Then she saw Sarah sitting on the floor wailing. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry, Mommy. I broke the family treasure!”

Seeing despair on her daughter’s face, the mother’s heart plunged further.

Faced with two powerful and conflicting instincts – one toward anger and blame, the other toward compassion and forgiveness, she sat next to Sarah, pulled her on her lap, and kissed her tears. “Sweetheart, when I ran in here, I was terrified that something bad had happened to our family’s most precious treasure. But thank God, you’re okay. Sarah, you are the family treasure.”

Sarah’s mom turned what could have been a painful incident and a lifelong source of guilt into an enduring source of affirmation and worthiness.

I wonder if I would have had the presence of mind to realize in the instant after an upsetting event that I could choose my reaction and that my choice would have a permanent impact on someone I love.

The reaction of Sarah’s mom was nothing short of heroic and stands as a reminder that, even in the face of powerful emotions, we do have choices – and they really matter.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

This is my variation of a parable told by Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben, which in turn was derived from a true incident from one of his congregants.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:33 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

Jews all over the world are in the midst of a ten-day period called the High Holy Days that commenced with Rosh Hashanah, the official celebration of the Jewish New Year, and will end with Yom Kippur, a solemn day of atonement and recommitment to one’s highest ethical ideals.

Taking the meaning and mandates of this event seriously requires a deep and, at least for me, uncomfortable look inward to measure the consistency between all we profess and the acts we perform.

The idea is to pause and sit in objective judgment of the state of our souls, to hold ourselves accountable for our words and moral ambitions, and to acknowledge any gaps between our beliefs and actions.

As Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan put it, the goal is “to seek reconstruction of one’s personality in accordance with the highest ethical possibilities of human nature.”

The profound insight underlying this quest for self-improvement is that every human being is endowed with the ability to understand good and evil and the free will to choose good.

I am frequently discouraged by my own scorecard.

Among my many shortcomings: I get mad at my children more often and hold onto my anger or resentments longer than I should. I’ve made no meaningful progress in addressing my weight problem even in the face of a ceaseless barrage of good advice and new strategies from caring family and strangers.

I therefore struggle with self-doubt and a sense of unworthiness to instruct others how to live their lives.

My challenge in the coming days is to muster the energy and will to forgive myself, appreciate what I’ve done right, and rededicate myself to the ongoing struggle toward self-improvement to become what I want to be. It’s really hard. I guess that’s the whole point.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:37 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status.

Yet as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t have peace of mind, self-respect, and enduring loving relationships.

Peace of mind doesn’t preclude ambition, desire for material possessions, or high position, but it assumes a fundamental foundation of contentment, gratitude, and pride – a belief that whatever one has is enough and an active appreciation for the good things in life.

Feeling successful can generate satisfying emotions of self-worth, but feeling significant – that one’s life really matters – is much more potent. Peter Drucker, the great management guru, captured this idea when he wrote of the urge many high achievers have to “move beyond success to significance.”

The surprise for many is that one of the surest roads to significance is service. It doesn’t have to be of the Mother Teresa missionary variety. Parents who sacrifice their comfort and pleasure for their children are performing a service as are teachers, public-safety professionals, members of the military, and volunteers who work for the common good.

In addressing graduates, Albert Schweitzer said, “I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

What’s bigger than the healthcare debate? Whether we want and believe in democracy.

The diversity of intense opinions on this issue assures that whatever reform results from the current political circus, lots of people will be unhappy and many will be enraged.

If we’re to remain a viable democracy, however, people who don’t get what they want must learn to live with – even support – results churned out by the meat grinder of the legislative process.

On the other hand, if the number of people who believe “There’s my way and the wrong way” continues to increase, we’ll be sentenced to an everlasting series of mini civil wars that will erode civility and widen gaps between us.

The antidote to this virus of self righteousness has three ingredients: respect, humility, and compromise.

Respect is essential to peace and progress. An ethical society insists that all people be treated with respect. That doesn’t mean we must respect everyone in the sense of admiration or esteem; it means we authentically believe that everyone’s entitled to their opinion, even if we think it’s stupid.

Humility requires us to accept the imperfect realm of political policy as a place where there’s very little right and wrong and lots of opinions on good, better, and best.

Finally, to transcend the chaos and conflict that prevent us from solving problems, we must be willing to compromise: give a little to get a little.

If we don’t encourage our leaders to find common ground and acceptable solutions rather than insist on ideal ones, then instead of a system where each of us wins some and loses some, we’ll have one where everyone loses.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comment (21)

One of the most insightful and useful books I’ve ever read is a small volume by Harold Kushner called Living a Life That Matters.

Today I want to suggest ways of getting the most out of books, at least nonfiction books, which is about all I read.

Reading shouldn’t be a passive experience. If you allow yourself to be absorbed in the interaction of the author’s thoughts and your reactions, it’s like a great conversation. Lots of people think it’s a sin to mark up a book. I think it’s a waste to leave it untouched.

I reread complex, clever, and profound passages several times. I underline them, make notes in the margins, fold back pages, do whatever I can to highlight the parts I find useful or inspirational so I can find them again.

When a passage stimulates thoughts, I write them in the margins or on the blank pages in the front or back of the book. A really good book has me thinking as much as reading, and I never read a book in one sitting. When I restart a book, I revisit my notes like they were old friends.

Both during and after a book, I try to communicate what I’ve learned or the new ideas it generated in conversations, letters, and even these commentaries. New insights are a great gift, and we should share them. I liked Kushner’s book so much that I bought 30 copies and gave them as gifts.

While writing this piece, I realized the way I approach books is also a decent way to approach life: Live it fully and completely at the time, and live it by remembering it and sharing it.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comment (13)

Bob wrote to tell me that having just lost his bride of 42 years, how deeply important it’s been to him to be the beneficiary of grand and spontaneous acts of kindness of strangers.

In one case, he was overcome with emotion while seeking to make copies of all the notes of love and support he received. A young woman seeing his pain hugged him until he regained control.

Weeks later he was at a restaurant and began to cry when he thought about his wife. A waitress sat beside him and held his hand. As long as there are people like that in the world, Bob concluded, there’s still hope.

The great musician Pablo Casals said, “Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he acts on it and listens to it, he is giving a great deal of what the world needs most. It is not complicated, but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act upon it.”

The poet William Wordsworth put it another way, declaring that the best portion of a good person’s life are “little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.” And novelist Henry James said, “Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

Think how much better the world would be and how much more gratifying your life would be if every day each of us set out to do lighten the life or brighten the day of another with simple kindness.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comment (6)

Despite the advice of preachers and philosophers warning us of the shortcomings of money, it’s hard to argue with the much-quoted observation: “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.”

Although money is better at reducing suffering caused by poverty and relieving anxiety caused by debt than it is at making us happy, it can buy lots of things that make us feel good and important.

But wealth is not a certain road to happiness. A poor person with good relationships is much more likely to be happy than a rich person with lousy ones. And people who earn moderate wages but love their work are much more likely to be happy than those who earn a lot but hate what they do.

It’s easy to expect too much from money. Rich people have different problems than the non-rich, but they do have problems. Many are related to wealth, including shallow relationships, spoiled children, and continual pressure from relatives and friends who expect a handout. Rich people, as a whole, are not more content or emotionally satisfied than others and neither are their kids.

The problem is, people preoccupied with money are never satisfied. Often, their desires and debts grow faster than their means. The more they have, the more they think they need.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with material wealth or its pursuit, but there is a danger of paying too much to get it. As Rousseau said, “The money you have gives you freedom, but the money you pursue enslaves you.”

We shouldn’t disdain money, but we should put its value in perspective.

The moral: Focus first on forming deep and enduring relationships and finding work that makes you fulfilled. At best, money is the icing, not the cake.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comment (19)

With every passing year, the anniversary of 9/11 becomes more muted and less painful.

So it is and should be with excruciating memories.

Tragic events dot the lives of all of us – the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the loss of a home or business – and it’s sometimes difficult to resist the temptation to emotionally re-experience the heartache. It’s as if we must suffer all over again to prove we care.

But in the end, self-inflicted suffering is pointless and damaging. We’re entitled to live happy lives, and that requires us to let go of the grief of terrible times. That doesn’t mean we forget them.

Regarding September 11th, it’s important to pause to honor with reverence and gratitude the victims and the noble efforts of those who struggled mightily to rescue them.

We should also reflect on four lessons worth remembering:

1. Life is fragile. We’re all vulnerable. We should live each day knowing it could be our last.
2. Every single life is precious. We should never diminish or demean the profound tragedy of lost lives by thinking of casualties in impersonal or statistical terms.
3. The capacity we saw to care about and cry for strangers proves we’re not like the cold-hearted bigots who caused this calamity. We must never allow our anger or fear to turn us in that direction.
4. While we should defend ourselves, the fundamental principles that define our nation require us to be more humane, more just, and more forgiving than those who want to harm us.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

What are the lessons you’ve drawn from 9/11?

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:23 AM | Permalink | Comment (7)

My commentary about Ted Kennedy generated quite a bit of controversy.

I wasn’t surprised.

Some of the blemishes on his reputation are dark and deep, and I understand how some people believe that his considerable moral failings outweighed the virtues attributed to him.

What troubled me was not the disagreement about his character but the harshness of many of the letters and the propensity of the letter-writers to descend to judgmental name-calling and political stereotyping as they responded to each other’s comments.

The level of incivility, intolerance, and disrespect in society is becoming toxic, and most of us don’t realize how much we personally have been infected and affected by the pervasive nastiness.

Regardless of your personal politics, you should have been disturbed by the growing practice of opponents of the President’s healthcare proposals to disrupt Congressional speeches and to yell out disapproval or insults. I hope you were disgusted and appalled when U.S. Congressman Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) called the President of the United States a liar during his internationally televised speech.

I don’t know whether the issue will grow or disappear in the coming days or whether Congressman Wilson will be condemned or defended by his colleagues and constituents. Either way, this landmark moment in modern American politics will be a turning point.

Either we’ll see it as a warning signal causing us to turn back toward civility – to recalibrate our sense of propriety and recommit to respectful discourse – or we’ll turn in the other direction toward the morality of the mob.

This isn’t a partisan issue. It’s a matter of values.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Do you think things are worse than normal in terms of disrespect and hostility in politics? Or is this the way it should be? Does it really matter in the long run? What, if anything, do you think should be the consequence of Congressman Wilson’s outburst? Comment below on our blog.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:39 AM | Permalink | Comment (120)

The virtue of respectfulness is demonstrated by being courteous, being civil, and treating everyone in a manner that acknowledges and honors their essential human dignity.

An important but often neglected aspect of respectfulness is listening to what others say. Respectful listening is more than hearing. It requires us to consider what’s being said. That’s hard when we’ve heard it before, aren’t interested, or don’t think much of the person talking. It’s even worse when we act like we’re listening but are just waiting for our turn to speak.

The fact is, most of us don’t listen well, certainly not all the time, and especially with those closest to us. Kids are especially adept at tuning out their parents, but parents are equally skilled at ignoring or dismissing as foolish or irrelevant what kids have to say.

The disrespectfulness of not listening is most apparent when others ignore or patronize us (rolling their eyes in a show of impatience or contempt or faking interest with a vacant stare or wandering eyes).

We all want to know that what we say and think matters. But if we want others to care about what we say, we need to care about what they say. Like all the important virtues, we teach respect best by demonstrating it. So listen up! It’ll make people feel better, and you may learn something.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comment (14)

Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When he demanded an explanation, Bill said, “We’ve been doing this job for 10 years. What’s your problem?”

“Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?” Sam replied.

“Well, not exactly,” Bill said. “Until a few months ago, another fellow put a bush in the hole before Chuck filled it. But he retired and was never replaced.”

“Why didn’t you tell somebody?” Sam sputtered.

“You’re management,” Bill answered. “We figured you knew.”

While management is ultimately to blame when employees systematically waste time and money in thoughtless unproductive activity, we can’t let Bill and Chuck off the hook. Sure, it’s easy to hide behind the assumption that management stupidity has no bounds, but responsibility is a personal burden everyone carries.

Too many organizations are weighed down by practices equivalent to digging and filling holes because too many workers and managers engage in or ignore inefficient and ineffective activities.

Whether unaccountability is fed by laziness, ignorance, or fear, employees who surrender to the negative momentum of the workplace not only demean the value of their work but increase the likelihood that they’ll someday be out of work.

We can avoid our responsibilities, but we can’t avoid the consequences of avoiding our responsibilities. All of us are accountable for what we allow as well as what we do. If we want to make our lives more meaningful, we should be sure our work is meaningful.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Labor Day is a good time to think about the role work plays in our lives.

Henry Thoreau said, “The mass of men spend their lives in quiet desperation.” For some, work is part of that desperation. For others, it’s part of what makes life worth living. Finding the right job is as difficult as finding the right mate, but it’s just as important.

People who love their work get more out of their lives. Teddy Roosevelt said, “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” George Sand put it another way: “Work is not a punishment; it’s a reward.”

According to W.H. Auden, three things are needed if people are to be happy in their work: “They must be fit for it, they must not do too much of it, and they must have a sense of success in it.” Elbert Hubbard told his readers to “Get happiness out of your work or you may never know what happiness is.”

In summing up his life, comedian Johnny Carson said, “Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace, and you'll have more success than you could possibly have imagined.”

One of the profound questions is, Where does work fit into a balanced life? Some people live for their work. If their work is truly meaningful and gratifying, that may make sense, but Harold Kushner points out, “I’ve never met anyone on their deathbed who said, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’”

Work is, of course, a common subject of cynical observations such as “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties” (Doug Larson) or “Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

One problem with talking about business ethics is that there’s often a wide gap between rhetoric and reality. The reality is that business isn’t nearly as bad as some critics make it out to be and not nearly as good as its apologists contend. By the same token, ethics may not be as crucial to success as moralists make it out to be.

Yes, trust has been badly eroded by too much lying and cheating, even by basically decent people. Yet every day, people of character successfully overcome pressures and resist temptations to sacrifice ethics for expediency.

At the same time, well-meaning reformers often oversell the role of ethics in success. Asserting platitudes like “good ethics is good business” as if it were moral truth makes ethics vulnerable to cynics who will eagerly disprove the generality with a host of examples.

The truth is, good ethics sometimes is good business, but sometimes it’s not. It depends on one’s goals and how one defines good business. Sometimes, good ethics can end in bankruptcy. Of course, so can bad ethics.

A fairer statement would be: Good ethics can be a powerful business asset. Good things tend to happen to companies and individuals that consistently do the right thing, and bad things tend to happen to those that even occasionally do the wrong thing.

But the crucial point is that the moral obligation to live according to ethical principles isn’t dependent on whether it’s advantageous. People of character do the right thing in the pursuit of virtue, not self-interest.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

In his book, If I Were to Raise My Family Again, John Dreschler tells of a little boy trying to get his father’s attention after scraping his knee.

His dad impatiently looks up from his paper and barks, “Well, what can I do about it?”

The boy, hurt by his harsh response, shrugs and says, “You could say ‘Ouch.’”

You could say ouch. What a wonderful metaphor to remind us of the power and importance of caring and taking the time to show it. The boy wasn’t asking his dad to solve a problem; he was simply trying to share an event.

Because I have a tendency to focus on fixing rather than feeling, I too have to remind myself that empathy is not an intellectual ability; it’s an emotional quality with healing power that works only when expressed. Sometimes just listening and showing genuine interest and compassion is all that’s needed. With four young daughters and a sensitive wife, I’m still learning that tenderness is more important than toughness.

When my kids were little, the remedy for every “ouchie” was a kiss from mommy or daddy directly on the wounded area. In serious cases, a bandage was also required. It’s easy to laugh at, but there’s something truly wonderful about how often a loving kiss makes things better for young children.

We shouldn’t underestimate the healing power of sincere compassion, concern, and affection. And we ought to try it more on adults. Take a moment to acknowledge their ouchies, too, and simply be there – with a kiss, a hug, or a kind word of consolation.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:43 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

About 1 billion Muslims are in the midst of celebrating Ramadan, the Islamic month of fasting, yet few Americans know much about these holy days or, for that matter, any of the five pillars of Islam, a term given to the core duties of the faith (none of which, by the way, require acts of terrorism advocated by extremists).

Although Sunni and Shi’a Muslims formulate the duties somewhat differently, the following five practices are at the core of the Islamic religion:

1. Shahada: Profess faith daily as embodied in the statement “There is no God but Allah, and Mohammad is the Prophet of Allah.”

2. Salah: Communicate daily with Allah to express gratitude and worship through five daily prayers (at dawn, noon, mid-afternoon, sunset, and night).

3. Zakah: Regularly give to the poor and needy (traditionally 2.5 percent of one’s wealth).

4. Sawm: Fast during Ramadan.

5. Hajj: Make a pilgrimage to Mecca sometime in one’s lifetime.

Ramadan occurs in the ninth month of the Islamic calendar during which practicing Muslims arise before dawn for their first prayer and express their devotion throughout the day by contemplation, prayer, and fasting from dawn to dusk (abstention from food, drink, and sexual intercourse).

During daily prayers and activities, Muslims are expected to acknowledge and atone for past sins and put more effort into following the teachings of Islam by helping the needy and refraining from violence, anger, envy, greed, lust, harsh language, and gossip.

As with the Christian practice of Lent and the Jewish tradition of Yom Kippur, the self-discipline and sacrifice entailed in Ramadan’s worship are designed to strengthen one’s personal commitment to live a virtuous life.

A pretty good goal, don’t you think?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comment (11)

I never had high regard for Ted Kennedy. Chappaquiddick and a host of other scandals defined him as a man of poor judgment and weak moral fiber.

So I was surprised at the grandeur of his funeral and the outpouring of praise, respect, and affection lavished on this clearly imperfect man by so many presidents, senators, and foreign dignitaries.

What qualities did they see that I had overlooked or undervalued?

Wall-to-wall media coverage provided plenty of information and insights. Pundits and partisan politicians described him as an immensely likable colleague and considerate friend with a rare ability to work with political adversaries to get things done. They cited his virtues – courage, compassion, tenacity, and devotion to public service – and catalogued the huge social impact of his half century of service.

Friends and family marveled at his ability to continually take on new responsibilities with grace and fortitude as he endured ceaseless tidal waves of personal tragedy. They described a man who always found time to express condolences, attend important events, and visit anyone who needed a kind word or strong shoulder.

We can’t ignore his personal weaknesses in assessing his life, but I found something heroic about his refusal to give up – even on himself. He passionately asserted his right to redeem his life and earn forgiveness by becoming a better man.

In the end, our own legacies won’t be a full list of our faults and virtues either. What will matter is how long we will be remembered, by whom, and for what.

Some will remember Edward Moore Kennedy for his less worthy acts and attributes. I’ve decided to remember him as the good man he became and the better man he was struggling to become.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

In preparing this commentary, I read editorials and an extensive, well-documented bio on Wikipedia to try to understand how and why Senator Kennedy will be remembered. To view this summary and learn more yourself, click here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 4:49 PM | Permalink | Comment (76)