Why Bad Things Happen to Good People 627.5
Recently, two dear friends were inflicted with the soul-searing, heart-rending pain of death. One lost her lifelong companion and soul mate, Bob Hill, a gentle man who lived a good life of 70 years. The other had to say goodbye to her innocent newborn son, Roy William Munro Skinner-Ketay, the victim of a neurological anomaly.
I’ve tried to process these personal tragedies in the context of notorious homicides including the killing of Ed Thomas, a beloved teacher-coach in Iowa who was shot by a mentally ill former player and the conscienceless murder of Byrd and Melanie Billings, a Florida couple revered for caring for and loving 19 children including a dozen with special needs.
How can we explain the deaths of the good and innocent?
In his book When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner, whose young son died of a rare disease, shares his struggle to keep his faith and understand undeserved suffering. He found no comfortable answers, thoughtfully discussing and ultimately rejecting classic answers given by religionists: God has a hidden purpose that we cannot and need not understand, suffering is a test or a lesson, or death leads our loved ones to a better place.
Rabbi Kushner writes that he finally found peace of mind when he gave up the idea that everything happens for a reason or that God causes or purposefully allows everything to happen. It’s futile and foolish to expect the consequences of natural forces and human nature to conform to our notions of fairness. “God doesn’t send us the problem,” he says. “He gives us the strength to cope with the problem.”
If we want to move beyond our grief and find continuing meaning in our lives, we shouldn’t ask, “Why did this happen?” but “What am I going to do with the life I have now?”
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
* If this topic interests you, I hope you’ll read the book. I found it full of profound insights and thought-provoking assertions:
Regarding why some believe God is the cause of our suffering and that He wants us to suffer: “There may be another approach. Maybe God does not cause our suffering. Maybe it happens for some reason other than the will of God.”
Regarding why nature is morally blind, without values, following its own laws and not caring who or what gets in the way: “God is not morally blind. I could not worship Him if I thought He was. God stands for justice, for fairness, for compassion. For me, the earthquake is not an act of God. The act of God is the courage of people to rebuild their lives after the earthquake and the rush of others to help them in whatever way they can.”
Regarding why good people or innocent children aren’t spared: “Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out of control. That is why good people get sick and get hurt as much as anyone.”
Regarding why emotional and physical pains exist: “Pain is the price we pay for being alive. When we understand that, our question will change from, ‘Why do we have to be in pain?’ to ‘What do we do with our pain so it becomes meaningful and not just pointless empty suffering?’ We may not ever understand why we suffer or be able to control the forces that cause our suffering, but we can have a lot to say about what the suffering does to us and what we become because of it. Pain makes some people bitter and envious. It makes others sensitive and compassionate. It is the result, not the cause, of pain that makes some experiences meaningful and others empty and destructive.”
Regarding why bad things happen to good people: “Being human leaves us free to hurt each other, and God can’t stop us without taking away the freedom that makes us human. God can only look down in pity and compassion at how little we have learned.”
Regarding why God can’t or won’t at least stop man’s most barbaric acts: “Where was God in Auschwitz? It was not God who caused it. The Holocaust was at least as much of an offense to God’s moral order as it is to mine, or how can I respect God as a source of moral guidance? I have to believe the tears and prayers of the victims aroused God’s compassion, but having given man freedom to choose, including the freedom to choose to hurt his neighbor, there was nothing God could do to prevent it.”
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Comments
If God existed and/or was omnipotent, he/she could and would never allow undeserved pain and suffering to happen. Period. Therefore, I sincerely doubt the existence of God. The assertion that we are not supposed to understand how or why is absurd. Who created God? What occupied the space the universe currently occupies before the universe was supposedly created?
Posted by: John Doe | July 16, 2009 1:55 PM
I once attended a spiritual retreat in the United Kingdom. It was said: "God is very stingy because He never wastes a hurt." There is a reason for everything. Trust in Him.
Posted by: roque | July 16, 2009 7:43 PM
Great entry, Michael, about an excellent book at which we should have another look. I found it interesting that none of your extra comments or quotes from the book mentioned Satan, a concept I find very outmoded nowadays, though evil itself is of course alive and well.
Posted by: Ray Urwin | July 16, 2009 10:09 PM
A lot of what is written here sounds like religion preaching in the disguise of ethics.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 17, 2009 8:05 AM
With the recent loss of my brother from brain cancer, I can see how a person would doubt God and their own faith in God. How can this happen? He was a good person? When my brother was diagnosed 1 and 1/2 years ago, I tried to make sense of it all. I located a book called This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me by Beverly Smallwood. Her words did not give me the perfect answer (the one I wanted), but it did put me on the path to move forward emotionally. Now that my brother is gone, I refer back to this book to help me with my grief. The road of life is hard, but there are many positive resources that surround us that will help us if we are willing. We just need to look for them.
Posted by: F.C. | July 17, 2009 8:19 AM
We should remember that we cannot apply a finite term to God. We cannot understand all of His purposes. How is it we can accept good days and bad days as a norm yet when it comes to pain, it is thought of as undeserved. Yes! This is however a limited understanding and in the journey for all, we have choices as to the path we take...and even in this there is growth.
Posted by: VM | July 17, 2009 9:03 AM
Between God and the first human:
God: Hi, here is a game.
Human: Okay, what is it?
God: It's called Life.
Human: Okay, how do I play it?
God: No particular way. You just go there (showing the earth) and do something.
Human: Anything at all?
God: Anything, whatever you feel like. Just live.
Human: So what is the objective? What are the rules? How do I win?
God: Can't tell you, you have to figure it out.
Human: No rules? What if I kill somebody?
God: If you kill somebody, you may go to jail, but I won't strike you dead if that is what you are asking.
Human: Okay, so if I do good and help people, do I win? Am I going the right way? Do I get to play longer?
God: Not really. There are absolutely no guarantees in this game. You can do good or bad, don't do anything. You are free to do whatever you like.
Human: What if I get in trouble? Will you help?
God: Like I said, no guarantees. Actually, first you will have to figure out if I exist or not because many people will tell you many things about me and you wouldn't know who to believe. Look, it will be fun. Don't worry, just play. I have added some fun, exciting times to it.
Human: Wait, you want me to play a game that does not have an objective, no rules, no specific way to win, you won't be there to help, I am not required to do anything at all, there are no road maps, no guidelines, no guarantees, I don't know if I am doing right or wrong. It's not even a game, God. It's like I am just there. Living. I don't even know for what. Sounds very unfair, don't you think? No thanks, I will pass.
God: Oh, forgot to mention, you don't have that choice.
I am sure I have missed many things, but I think you all get the idea. Despite what other humans tell you, the truth is, we are truly left on this earth with no specific guidelines (written in stone by God) on how to live and what to achieve.
All we know is that all of us are just living the best way we know how.
Posted by: Eddie | July 17, 2009 10:08 AM
God gave us this opportunity on earth to have the freedom to choose Him. Bacteria, viruses, etc. came with creation as a part of nature. We utilize research to discover the why so we can improve our natural situation. When as individuals the whys cannot be found, the only logical course of action to follow is to determine what you will do with the natural situation you have. I was born normal/healthy, but in my early 20s was diagnosed with a painful autoimmune disorder. I have suffered with daily pain and have had times when I just didn't want to do this life anymore. I am now 50 and have had a great life. I think it might have been more fun without this disease, and if I could choose to go skiing instead of being sidelined with pain, I would want to ski. But this was a result of our coexistence in nature. My job is not to blame God for it but through research to try and discover the why to improve my situation. And while researchers have not found a cure yet, here I am. I choose to live life full and happy, loving the God who gave me the chance to choose Him and making the most of what I do have.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 17, 2009 10:20 AM
God is a creation and we are the creator. We need to believe that there is something more to life as well as to death so we have created our gods for this reason as have civilizations for thousands of years. What happened to those people who died before Jesus was apparently born and died for us? They just died. What will happen to us when we die? We will be dead.
Posted by: Anonymous1 | July 17, 2009 10:57 AM
If you would take the time to read the whole Bible closely, you will find that even before Jesus came, our salvation was based on our faith in God for all civilizations. Even in his old age, Einstein believed there was something out there responsible for all of this.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 20, 2009 9:56 AM
Rabbi Kushner's conclusion (“What am I going to do with the life I have now?”) and the conclusion of your commentary reminded me of a conversation I had with my Rev. following the death of a mutual acquaintance. The synopsis of the conversation is: Logically, we know that to be born into this world means that eventually each of us will die. Even so, when we lose a loved one, we grieve and mourn, and as we remember, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes it's a combination of both or something else. But it is in remembering that we honor the life and spirit of the departed loved one; it is in remembering that we say "Thank you" and "Your life mattered to me."
Posted by: Anonymous | July 20, 2009 8:51 PM
Does it really matter whether one believes in God or not? There are many atheists who lead moral, ethical lives, just as there are many God-fearing people who lead corrupt, dishonest lives. People will lead good lives regardless of their beliefs because they are good people. One should not be condemned for their denial of a higher power, nor for their use of “preaching in the disguise of ethics.” In the big picture we all want greater integrity in the world, so why not start here by being more tolerant of others’ beliefs?
Posted by: Mr T | July 21, 2009 10:16 AM
Rabbi Kushner is a great man and a great writer. Although I do have to disagree with the notion that one give up the belief that “everything happens for a reason.” My suggestion is to take God out of the equation.
I firmly believe everything in life does happen for a reason, usually two reasons: We either have something to learn or something to teach others. I may not know the reason or understand why things occur and I don’t have to. Just trusting that there is a reason helps.
The real prize is that I or we get to decide what that reason is. It is up to us to find, create or associate a value to life’s circumstances.
“Everything in life happens for a reason” is a practical, humanistic approach that allows us to determine the meaning we give to our lives and the events that take place.
One can assume that life is a series of random, meaningless events. Perhaps it is. Perhaps not. Either way, giving reason and purpose to my life makes it all the more worth living. Maybe that is the real gift from God.
I wrote more about this subject at:
http://mgerber.blogspot.com/2009/06/everything-in-life-happens-for-reason.html
Posted by: Michael B. Gerber | July 22, 2009 3:28 PM
I think the conversation between God and humans that is posted above by Eddie sums it all up. We were never given a choice.
Human: Wait, you want me to play a game that does not have an objective, no rules, no specific way to win, you won't be there to help, I am not required to do anything at all, there are no road maps, no guidelines, no guarantees, I don't know if I am doing right or wrong. It's not even a game, God. It's like I am just there. Living. I don't even know for what. Sounds very unfair, don't you think? No thanks, I will pass.
God: Oh, forgot to mention, you don't have that choice.
Posted by: Lizzie | December 10, 2009 6:44 PM
lol. Isn't it weird how everything revolves around religions or theories? No matter what you say, something created the earth, the universe, and space itself, and something had to have been there always. You have an easier time believing that everything came out of chance. Humans mainly wish to accept wisdom, but some try to become more than what they truthfully are. Saying things as if they were true and proven only to have the ones listening taken by others' views, with no personal effort to find the answer. Just to exist saying, well, I guess that's the meaning to life, nothing. Most people just say, Well, if God created everything, who created God? Just an excuse. Heck, I find it easier believing in God than anything else, knowing I have a purpose. If you really want to know what will make you happy and give you the sense of life and actually living, do a lot of research. You will be glad you did. It all summed down to God for me. Most people don't wish to believe God because they feel they won't be able to do all the stuff they want to do, like sex, drugs, getting drunk, etc. We are not allowed to ruin our lives because God loves us. We have a purpose, lol. God bless you all.
Posted by: Mike | February 8, 2010 12:25 AM