A Call for More Civility 630.1
When George Washington was 16, he discovered a booklet of 110 maxims describing how a well-mannered person should behave. He was so convinced that they would help him become a better person that he set out to incorporate them into his daily living. Among Washington’s many virtues, his commitment to civility marked him as a gentleman and helped him become a universally respected and enormously effective leader.
By today’s standards, Washington’s notions of civility seem quaint and old-fashioned, but the purpose of manners and etiquette is to soften relationships with respect and to treat others graciously.
Instead of updating our concept of manners to accord with modern lifestyles, we seem to be abandoning the notion of civility entirely. We’re exposed to heavy doses of tactless, nasty, and cruel remarks on daytime talk shows, dating games, and courtroom and reality programs.
As a result, we’ve produced a generation that’s comfortable being brutish and malicious and a society that’s increasingly coarse and unpleasant.
In a tense world full of conflicts, frustrations, and competition, civility is an important social lubricant that helps us live together constructively. If we care about the world we’re making for our children, we need to be less tolerant of mean-spirited, discourteous, and impolite remarks and do a better job of teaching and modeling civility.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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Comments
Mr. Josephson - in a follow-up of your usual excellent commentary, you may consider in one of your next columns the issue that an allegedly great teachable moment in US history has not been used to point out what could have been the lesson taken away from the recent events, including that…
“Jumping to conclusion-ism” may be the problem rather than “racism.” Tendency to misconstrue based on preconceived notion is widespread. Lack of thoroughness and critical thinking is widespread. Ignorance is widespread. People who yell the quickest and the loudest are not the wisest. Having “smarts” and a “Harvard pedigree” does not give you wisdom.
A lifetime of good work can be annihilated in a few critical minutes when poor judgment is used, especially when it happens in the public domain. One cannot and should not look at everything as “black and white.” We should have “learned” discussions about issues such as:
Need to define terms and what we are talking about. What is a race? Why do the media discuss everything in terms of ”(pure) white” and “(pure) black” and “(pure) Latino” – as if those entities really existed -- with no other choices offered? What happened to other “true” races such as Native Americans or Asians? Why have they been ignored out of existence by those who claim to be most concerned about racial inequities? What is black? Is there only “black coffee” or is there such a thing as café-con-leche or mocha and if not, why not? What is a “specious” statement or argument? What is the biologic basis of the need to have biases and to make quick judgments based on preconceived notions in all domains of life, and can it be and should it be tempered and modified?
We should revisit kindergarten maxims such as: Do not judge the book by its cover. Look before you leap. Haste makes waste.
Where are our “wise teachers” when we need them? With few notable exceptions, I have heard demagoguery rather than words of wisdom. Would appreciate your thoughts and your wisdom.
Posted by: Erno Daniel | July 31, 2009 10:17 AM
Bravo, Michael. I think another contributing factor to our loss of civility is the increasing use of social networking; aka Facebook, MySpace, et al. Young people, especially, have less and less interaction with fellow human beings, and therefore, have less and less practice at being civil and gracious. How do we get this work out to more people?
Posted by: Jim | August 7, 2009 9:37 AM
It's interesting to note that you point to George Washington as measure of civility - a leader and shaper of America -- yet you lay all blame on our current lack of civility at the feet of television - an object which one can choose how or if to engage with.
I think we could recognize that it is leadership - in the home and in the White House - that continues to frame the tenor of our discourse. We had eight years of a coarse and brutish leader:
"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." -- Bush's parting words to world leaders at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning- Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
"So what?" – President Bush, responding to an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
and his 2nd lieutenant, Cheney, told a Senator to "GO F*** yourself" on the Senate floor.
Irrespective of his politics, we have a thoughtful, civil speaker as our leader today. Perhaps Obama's careful and polite approach -- to conflicts or otherwise -- has the power to help cultivate the civility our society is lacking.
Posted by: kate | August 7, 2009 10:05 AM
I would like to see what this booklet said. Quaint or not, I'm sure we could learn a lot from 110 maxims on good manners! Where could we find this or has it been lost to the ages?
Thank you!
Posted by: jane doe | August 7, 2009 11:22 AM
George Washington's 110 maxims are indeed readily available. The complete list can be viewed at:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1248919
Posted by: Josephson Institute editor | August 7, 2009 11:43 AM