The Perfect Father’s Day Gift 623.5
When I was young, I idolized my father, judging him for his virtues. For most of the rest of my life, I criticized him, judging him for his faults.
I always loved him, but I didn’t always appreciate him. I was so aware of his imperfections (surely, no worse than my own) that I greatly undervalued his good qualities and all the things he did to make my childhood safe, comfortable, and fun.
It’s only when I met people who were neglected, ignored, or belittled by their fathers that I began to realize how lucky I was. I thought all dads were proud of, supported, and adored their children.
Until I became a father myself, I had no way of understanding the depth and intensity of his feelings and the emotional investment he had in my happiness.
I couldn’t imagine how much it must have upset him when I was cut from my baseball team or dumped by my first girlfriend or how pleased he’d be today seeing me become the kind of father he taught me to be.
I deeply regret I didn’t tell him often enough or enthusiastically enough that he was a great dad.
I can’t fix that now. But if your dad is still alive, you can.
Your father doesn’t need another Father’s Day tie, wallet, or sweater. If you want to give him a gift he will treasure forever, buy a nice picture frame. Put inside it a handwritten note telling him he did a good job with specific memories of how he’s enriched your life. Then tell him how much you love him.
I wish I’d done that for my dad.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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Comments
Thought this was appropriate for our family. Love, mom
Posted by: Mike | June 19, 2009 6:12 AM
Great recommendation. ~ I believe I will. Thank you.
Posted by: Rachel | June 19, 2009 7:37 AM
Great idea! When my grandfather died, I found a handwritten note from my dad to him that he'd carried with him for years. The note was similar to what you described above. That day I sat down and wrote a similar note to my dad. I had the two notes framed together and gave them to my dad that next Father's Day.
Dad hung the frame beside his bed, rather low so he can see those notes while sitting on his bed. Knowing dad, he did that so it's the first thing he sees in the morning and the last thing he sees at night.
It hasn't always been picture-perfect, but it represents two generations of great dads. I'm striving to be the third.
Posted by: Doug | June 19, 2009 8:21 AM
My Dad received a similar gift from my brother, a long letter describing specific memories and what he admires about or learned from my Dad. My Dad continues to talk about it and treasures it. As an 82-year-old senior, he values this gift more than even basic necessities.
Posted by: Peggy | June 19, 2009 8:26 AM
Excellent advice, Michael, and the VERY best gift any father could receive. I was blessed to have read a Dear Abby or Ann Landers column many years ago that made a similar suggestion, and I wrote a love letter to my father one Father's Day that thanked him for all he did for me. Now that he's passed on, I am thankful every Father's Day that I had the opportunity to tell him sincerely how much I appreciated him while he was still alive. As an aside, if you've never heard Conway Twitty's song "That's My Job," give it a listen. That song, played at my father's funeral, is a Father's Day tradition around here dedicated to my father's memory. You'd appreciate the lyrics.
Posted by: Eric Sieber | June 19, 2009 10:22 AM
I heard your Father's Day message on 1070 and it brought tears to my eyes. It was very special to me. I went to your website and printed it and sent it to my children (I am 69) and told them that is all parents want out of life is to hear that they have been good parents and that they should try to get that message across to their children.
There is an old song that says the same message as your message and I think you should try and find it. It is by an old group called Mike + The Mechanics and the song is called "The Living Years."
Posted by: Bob Schuster | June 22, 2009 10:26 AM
I have a better idea. Several years ago, my wife and I decided to let everyone we love know and understand the depth of our feeling, and we started writing letters to them. My first letter was to my father, and I gave it to him for his birthday. Eight months later, he died. My mother insisted that I use the letter for his eulogy. Giving him that letter before he died gave me so much peace. I encourage everyone to do it, as you never know what will happen to those you love.
Posted by: Bryce Mibeck | June 24, 2009 6:34 AM
Thank you, Michael. Your wonderful suggestion allowed me to express all my gratitude for my father, which can be hard to express in a typical father/daughter conversation. My dad truly appreciated the gift and said it was the nicest card he had ever received.
Posted by: Lindsay | June 25, 2009 6:58 PM