Two frogs named Will and Fern weren’t looking where they were going and fell into a deep pit. At first they thought it would be easy to jump out, but after numerous failed attempts they were getting desperate. A crowd of animals gathered around the pit.

The consensus of the onlookers was there was no way either one could jump high enough, so they urged Will and Fern to accept their fate. The harder the trapped frogs jumped, the more the crowd yelled at them to surrender. Finally, Will fell back to the bottom and gave up. Fern refused to quit, and with one mighty last try she leaped out of the pit.

The other animals were amazed. One asked why she kept trying despite the discouraging taunts of the crowd. Fern was shocked. “What do you mean? I’m a bit deaf. I thought you were rooting for me. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

A woman named Patty, a resident of a transitional housing program, gave a printed version of this story to my wife Anne. After a long period of homelessness and drug abuse, Patty wanted us to understand that positivism and support can help people who seem down and out to get up and out.

Patty said she got out of her own deep pit of despair because caring people at the housing program gave her the faith and confidence she needed to jump a little harder.

There are lots of ways to help others. We can educate them, feed them, and house them. But we can also encourage and empower them – and possibly change their lives.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:27 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

During a dinner party, a self-important business executive said, “The problem with our education system starts with teachers. What can our kids learn from people who decided their best option in life was to become a teacher? Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”

A guest protested, “I’ve been a teacher for 20 years, and that’s simplistic and unfair.”

“Really?” the executive said. “Then be honest, what do you make?”

“I suppose you’re thinking of money,” the teacher replied. “I earn enough, but let me tell you what I make.

“I make other people’s children read, think, write, wonder, and talk about important things such as the world and their role in it.

“I make them appreciate the value of education, not simply as a way to make a living, but as a way to make a life.

“I make them work harder than they want to and accomplish more than they thought possible.

“I encourage them to be skeptical without being cynical and optimistic without being naïve.

“I make them understand that the quality of their life will be determined by their choices, and I make them take responsibility for their actions.

“I make them feel proud, capable, and worthy when they try hard.

“I make them appreciate the importance of integrity and honor in a world that too often shows little regard for either.

“I make them respect themselves and treat others with respect.

“I make them feel proud and grateful to live in America where people are entitled to be treated fairly and with respect and judged by their accomplishments and character, not by their color, creed, or size of their bank account.

"Most of all, I make a difference.

“So now,” the teacher said to the executive,” tell us what you make?”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* This commentary is based on a parable of a dialogue about the impact of teaching inspired by verse by poet Taylor Mali circulating on e-mail distribution lists.

Although I loved the premise – a teacher responding to a critic with a declaration of the vital things teachers do – I wanted to stress different things and state them in different language than the version a staffer sent me last year, which had no attribution.

You will see that the tone and content of my version and Mr. Mali’s are quite different, but the core idea is definitely Mr. Mali’s.

An alert listener directed us to Mr Mali’s website (www.taylormali.com), in which Mali acknowledges he wrote the poem in 1999. Mr. Mali is not only a gifted poet and philosopher (as well as a great advocate of teachers), he is a generous man with sound values about the importance of getting credit. Here is what he says about the poem on his website:

"I am well aware that 'What Teachers Make,' a poem I wrote in 1999, has been elevated/reduced to the level of Inspirational Cyber Spam. It started happening shortly after I posted an unattributed draft of the poem on this very website.

"Since the poem appeared on my website, I figured my name was unnecessary. But I was wrong. I suspect the text of the poem got copied, pasted, and sent by well-meaning teachers and fans. Soon enough, the poem became anonymous, and people began to edit, alter, and 'sanitize' it. There are, to my knowledge, at least five different versions of the poem out there circulating. All of them are anonymous.

"The poem has taken on a life of its own. Thomas Friedman, the New York Times columnist, quoted one of the anonymous versions in its entirety as part of his Yale graduation speech in 2003. This led to a quotation by Harvey Mackay, the syndicated business columnist. National Public Radio did a story about the adventures of the poem in 2004.

"Am I disappointed not to have received credit for writing this poem that has inspired so many? Used to be. But the truth will always come out in the end. And if I had to choose between inspiring teachers anonymously or not inspiring them at all, I would choose anonymous inspiration every time."

You can see Mr. Mali deliver his poem very passionately here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comment (9)

During a camping trip, Sam and Tom saw a bear coming their way. Sam started to take off his backpack and told Tom he was going to run for it. When his surprised friend said, "You can't outrun a bear," Sam replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."

Sadly, this look-out-for-number-one mentality is common in business, politics, and sports. Everywhere, basically good people engage in — and justify — selfish, short-sighted conduct that treats coworkers, colleagues, and teammates as competitors rather than comrades.

Steven Carr Reuben, author of Children of Character, speaks about a very different social vision where people find greater meaning and satisfaction in their lives by creating caring communities. To make his point, he tells of nine youngsters in the Special Olympics who were about to run the 100-yard dash.

Right after the start of the race, a young boy stumbled badly and began crying. The other eight heard him and looked back. First one, then another, then all of them stopped and went back to help their fallen comrade. A girl with Down syndrome bent down, kissed the boy, and said, "This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and triumphantly walked together to the finish line.

"That's what being part of a community is about," Reuben wrote. It's a lot better way to live than trying to outrun each other.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:18 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

What does it take to make you happy? How much do you have to have to be grateful?

To the barefoot man, happiness is a pair of old shoes. To the man with old shoes, it’s a pair of new shoes. To the man with new shoes, it’s more stylish shoes. And, of course, to the fellow with no feet, it's being barefoot.

This leads to the ancient insight: If you want to be happy, count your blessings, not your burdens. Measure your life by what you have, not by what you don’t have.

Yet in our modern world where we’re continually exposed to endless increments of more and better — others with more money, better TVs, and bigger houses — this is very difficult.

For some people, the pleasure of having something good is drained as soon as they see someone else with something better. Our sense of contentment is created or destroyed by comparisons.

A life consumed with unfulfilled wants is an affliction. The antidote is the concept of "enough."

This starts by thinking more clearly about the difference between our needs and our wants, between sufficiency and abundance.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more and striving to fill our lives with things and experiences that give us pleasure, so long as we don’t believe we need whatever we want.

When we think we need what we really only want, we make our desires preconditions to happiness, thereby diminishing our ability to appreciate and enjoy what we do have.

It’s easy to think that happiness is achieved by getting what we want when it’s really a matter of wanting what we get.

In the end, enough is enough.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comment (8)

It’s not just an excuse for a three-day weekend or a day for barbecue and beer.

Memorial Day is a time for Americans to connect with our national history and core values by honoring those who gave their lives fighting for this country.

This special day began as a salute to fallen soldiers of the Civil War. Some say it started in Mississippi when a group of grieving mothers and wives who were placing flowers on graves in a Confederate cemetery noticed a neglected graveyard for Union soldiers.

Knowing these ignored tombstones marked the resting places of young men equally loved and missed, the Southern women cleaned the Union cemetery and decorated the gravesites with flowers. In 1868, Decoration Day was declared a national holiday. Later, the name was changed to Memorial Day.

In 1996, Carmella LaSpada, founder of the humanitarian organization No Greater Love, met with a group of children on the Mall in Washington, D.C. When she asked them what Memorial Day was, they responded, "That's the day the pool opens."

Determined that children should know why they're free and who paid for their freedom, she came up with the idea for a "moment of remembrance," which was adopted by Congress in 2000. Today, you and your family can participate in this National Moment of Remembrance by pausing at 3 p.m. local time to observe a minute of silence devoted to contemplation or prayer in honor of our fallen heroes.

During my minute I’m going to think about and thank the thousands of American troops who are in harm’s way in Iraq and Afghanistan.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

During a camping trip, Sam and Tom saw a bear coming their way. Sam started to take off his backpack and told Tom he was going to run for it. When his surprised friend said, "You can't outrun a bear," Sam replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."

Sadly, this look-out-for-number-one mentality is common in business, politics, and sports. Everywhere, basically good people engage in — and justify — selfish, short-sighted conduct that treats coworkers, colleagues and teammates as competitors rather than comrades.

Steven Carr Reuben, author of “Children of Character,” speaks about a very different social vision, where people find greater meaning and satisfaction in their lives by creating caring communities. To make his point he tells of nine youngsters in the Special Olympics who were about to run the 100-yard dash.

Right after the start of the race, a young boy stumbled badly and looked up crying. The other eight heard him and looked back. First one, then another, then all of them stopped and went back to help their fallen comrade. A girl with Down Syndrome bent down, kissed the boy and said, "This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and triumphantly walked together to the finish line.

"That," Reuben said, "is what being part of a community is really about."
It's a lot better way to live than trying to outrun each other.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

No matter what Gary did, it was never enough to please his father. When he got seven A’s and three B’s, his dad asked about the B’s. When he described the wonderful girl he’d fallen in love with, he got a lecture cautioning that she may be different than he thought.

Gary’s dad was stunned and hurt when Gary took a job in another town. He tried to talk him out of it, explaining the advantages of being close to the family and the pitfalls of moving. Finally, Gary exploded, “Dad, I’m moving to get away from you! I love you, but I can’t stand the way you tear down everything I do.”

He braced himself for a counterattack, but for the first time in his life he saw his dad’s mask of confidence dissolve into vulnerability. With tears in his eyes, his dad stammered, “All I ever wanted was to make you better and help you reach your potential and avoid risks. It’s what I do. It’s why my business is so successful. Do you want me to ignore my experience and just be a cheerleader?”

“Dad, our relationship isn’t about productivity,” Gary explained. “You’re my dad. Sometimes I need praise more than a push, and approval more than advice. Constantly trying to make me better just makes me feel worse. It’s not enough that you love me. I need you to appreciate me.”

That’s an important lesson. In personal relationships, there may be benefits to the relentless pursuit of better, but the cost may be too high.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

It’s a tradition during a bat or bar mitzvah ceremony for parents to deliver specific blessings to their child. I wrote this poem for our most recent occasion, and though I couldn’t read it without a few sobs, I want to share it with you in the hope you will find some use for it.

If I Could Give You Anything
If could give you anything, anything at all,

I would give you all the things the poets write about – deep blue skies, pure white clouds, warm sunshine, cool breezes, stunning sunsets, glorious rainbows, and grand waterfalls.
I would give you something to smile about every day.
I would surround you with true friends to share your joys, comfort you through tough times, and bring out the best in you.
I would give you great teachers to fill your mind with wondrous facts, unanswered questions, and a love for learning.
I would give you the wisdom to know your heart and the courage to follow it.
I would fill your days with carefree play and meaningful work.
I would give you challenges worthy of your talents, and achievements worthy of your pride.
I would fill your heart with gratitude and teach it to forgive.
I would give you genuine self-confidence, fearless enthusiasm, and grand expectations.
I would give you a life filled with hugs, laughter, love, and the wisdom to be happy.

And when you’re ready, I would give you a man worthy to be your lifelong partner and the father of your children.
And I would give you a daughter as good as you.
Sadly, I don’t have the power to give you all these things.
But I can remind you that you have the power within you to find, make, and keep all the things I wish for you.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comment (10)

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how he or she acts at a grocery store. I remember being in a crowded store when there was a shortage of shopping carts. A fellow was pushing one when another man stopped him.

“Excuse me,” he said, “but that’s my cart.”

Instead of apologizing, the first guy protested, “But someone took mine.”

When his wife glared at him, he reluctantly relinquished his ill-gotten gain. He had ignored the age-old wisdom that two wrongs don’t make a right in favor of a distorted version of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as others have done unto you.”

Then there are those who change their minds about buying an item and put it on the nearest shelf, rationalizing that the store hires people to put things back in their correct places. Based on that reasoning, it’s okay for students to throw candy wrappers on the floor because schools employ custodians to clean the halls.

Finally, there are the express-line cheaters who enter the “10 items or less” line with 14 items because they’re in a hurry or just love having a competitive edge. They count on the fact that no one will call them on this moral misdemeanor. Even if someone does, they’re ready to play lawyer: “It depends on what you call an item. These melons are part of the fruit group, so I’m counting them as one.”

Being considerate, playing by the rules, and setting a good example are important – even at the grocery store.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comment (15)

The primary responsibility for instilling good values and building character is with parents. This doesn’t mean, however, that teachers and coaches don’t have a critically important role.

The unfortunate fact is that far too many kids are raised in morally impoverished settings that foster lying, cheating, and violence. If we don’t give these children moral instruction, many will become predators. I know it works because of Jesse, a young man I met in Tulare County, California.

Jesse was in an alternative school because he had serious behavioral problems. About a month after his school incorporated character-development strategies into its curriculum, Jesse found a pair of keys belonging to the janitor. To a kid with a history of theft, this was a mighty temptation.

When he voluntarily turned them in, people were shocked. When I asked him why, he surprised me with his answer. He didn’t say anything about a new commitment to honesty. He said simply, “I didn’t want the janitor to lose his job.”

It’s likely Jesse would not have thought about the janitor weeks before. What changed was he‘d been given a simple thinking tool that helped him see the way his choices could affect other people. Jesse was taught to identify “stakeholders” – all the people likely to be affected by a choice – and to think about how they might be affected.

Despite his flaws, he had decent instincts and didn’t want to do something that would hurt the janitor. His teachers didn’t teach him to care about others, but they gave him a way of thinking that unleashed the caring part of his nature.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

I grew up in much simpler times. Television was in its infancy, and the idea of a hero was exemplified by a white-hatted cowboy. There was a clarity and simplicity to this hero’s moral code that left no doubt there is a right and wrong.

As I became more sophisticated, it was easy to ridicule these simplistic approaches to ethics and living. Yet the more I've learned, the more I’ve come to think there’s just as much danger in muddying our choices into endless shades of gray.

Sure, there are extenuating factors and exceptions that challenge the validity of every ethical principle, but on balance we need clear prescriptive benchmarks of virtue. Such guidelines are provided in the quaintly old-fashioned Cowboy Code promoted by the late Gene Autry:

1. Don’t shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage.
2. Don’t go back on your word or a trust confided in you.
3. Tell the truth.
4. Be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals.
5. Don’t advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
6. Help people in distress.
7. Be a good worker.
8. Keep yourself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits.
9. Respect women, parents, and the law.
10. Be patriotic.

With a little updating, this code still works.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:42 AM | Permalink | Comment (4)

I run into a lot of cynics. The nicer ones commend me for my good intentions, but they all have one common question: “Do you really think your little 90-second talks about ethics and character make any difference?” Their message: You’re wasting your time. People are what they are, and nothing you say will make them change.

Do I feel like Don Quixote tilting at windmills? A salmon swimming upstream? A voice in the wilderness?

To be honest, sometimes I do wonder whether it’s worth the effort. But then I’ll receive a letter from someone who says he or she found something I said very valuable, and I get re-energized.

A good example is a letter I once received from a 13-year-old named Calvin. He thanked me for being a positive influence in his life, saying my commentaries stimulated him to become kinder and less egotistical. He told me they were better than vitamins.

My point isn’t to congratulate myself for making a difference in Calvin’s life; rather it’s to thank him for making a difference in mine.

It’s been said that unexpressed gratitude is like wrapping a present and failing to give it to the person you got it for.

Don’t underestimate the impact you can have when you take the time to make someone feel valued and valuable. Everyone – children, parents, teachers, bosses, coworkers, even people you don’t know – crave confirmation of their worth.

If you want to make a difference in the lives of others, give compliments, express gratitude, and write notes whenever you can.

No act of appreciation is ever wasted.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comment (17)

Although 11-year-old Mark wasn’t much of an athlete, his dad urged him to play youth baseball. Mark liked to play, but he was hurt by the remarks of teammates and spectators whenever he struck out or dropped a ball.

Just before the fourth game of the season, he told his dad he didn’t want to go. “I’m no good,” he said, “and everyone knows it.”

His father urged him to stick with it. “Just do your best,” he said. “That’s all anyone can ask. Your best is good enough.”

Mark struck out his first two times at bat, and each time looked over to his father, who struggled to look positive. In his last at-bat, Mark hit the ball solidly, the first time all season. It was a hard grounder to third, and the play at first was close.

When the umpire called Mark out, his father went wild. “Kill the ump!” he yelled. “Are you blind or just stupid? If you can’t do the job, stay off the field!”

On the way home, Mark broke a long silence, “Dad, you said all anyone can ask for is to do his best.”

“That’s right, Son," his father assured him. “You did your best, and I’m proud of you. But that jerk of an umpire robbed you with a bad call.”

“I wasn’t talking about me,” Mark replied. “I was talking about Billy’s dad. He was the umpire. He was doing his best, too, but you got mad at him.”

His father was taken aback, but he said, “Yeah, but he’s an adult. We should expect more out of adults.”

Mark looked his dad in the eye. “That’s what I thought, too. By the way, I was out.”

Despite his father’s good intentions, he didn’t set a good example. We should indeed expect more from adults – more fairness and respect, more sportsmanship and self-restraint. If your kids play sports, be a model, not a problem.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Last weekend, my special love for the play Les Miserables soared to a new level. I was transfixed watching two of my daughters play major roles in a student production directed by an extremely talented children’s theater entrepreneur named Cheryl Beck*.

I’ve seen professional versions a half dozen times, and each time I am moved by the powerful and beautiful songs and soul-pounding quality of its story about character, good and evil, justice and redemption, love, loyalty, and the law.

Frankly, I worried that a group of young teens couldn’t handle the dramatic or musical demands of this play, but my concerns were misplaced. Watching my Samara bring the house to tears singing the role of a sick and dying single mom, and seeing my daughter Abrielle evoke the opposite emotion playing the comedic role of the sleazy and conniving “master of the house” in my all-time favorite play — well, it was a father’s dream.

I know the play takes some liberties with the original novel, but I think it captures and enhances the momentous moral issues that form the core of Hugo’s literary masterpiece.

Jean Valjean, a paroled thief, the priest who lies to save him from returning to prison, and the relentless moral certitude of Inspector Javert are monuments to the noblest part of human nature — the desire to do the right thing. But what’s right and wrong isn’t so clear in a harsh world where ordinary people struggle to survive the afflictions of poverty, cruelty, and injustice — a world where “right” moral choices can have an enormous downside.

Yet, despite the desperate conditions and constant conflicts that constrain morality, the ultimate message is about the nobility of human nature, the power of love, and the triumph of virtue.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*Learn about Cheryl Beck’s Los Angeles-based program, Creative Kids, at MyCreativeKids.com.

More about Les Miserables: I cannot resist sharing a glimpse of what I saw in this play ...

I urge you to read all the lyrics at lyricsondemand.com.

A central theme (there are many) is the tumultuous journey of the main character, Jean Valjean, from crime and bitterness to redemption, virtue, and epic love for his adopted daughter, Cosette. He is for me one of the truly great moral heroes, worthy of admiration and understanding. Valjean is perfectly set against the merciless, duty-bound purity of the relentless policeman, Inspector Javert, who is the law personified and provides a compelling counterpoint to the instinct to forgive and forget.

If you see or read the play, think of the moral messages and lessons of at least these three songs or scenes:

Valjean and the Priest. After being caught stealing from a kindly priest who let him sleep the night, Valjean is mystified and humbled when the priest protects him by lying to the police, telling them he gave Valjean the silver. The priest punctuates his forgiving fabrication in a highly symbolic gift of two valuable candlesticks -- the invocation to start a new life. The song "What Have I Done?" marks the beginning of a moral journey that ends in making Valjean a prototype of character development through redemption.

Valjean and the Innocent Prisoner. One of the most powerful moral lessons is in the song "Who Am I?" It is the response to Valjean’s life-defining dilemma. He has safely adopted a new identity as a wealthy factory owner and respected mayor. But he learns another man has been misidentified and is about to be sent to jail in his place. The song is about his torment: Does he speak up and go back to prison, or does he remain silent and live his well-earned new life? We see the triumph of a virtue few of us would be capable of as he rejects his rationalizations with the insight: "If I speak, I am condemned. If stay silent, I am damned."

Javert’s Suicide. Finally, ponder the implications of the magnificent heart-rending scene in which Javert, the symbol of certainty, order, and light, commits suicide. He can’t cope with his doubts and guilt after Valjean inexplicably saves his life despite the inspector’s sworn dedication to bring him to prison. The song is drenched with moral self-reflection.

There’s a lot more, but let me just share one of my favorite lines from the Epilogue when Valjean is singing of his love for Cosette: "To love another is to see the face of God."

If you can’t see the play, buy the DVD Les Miserables in Concert (1995) starring Colm Wilkinson and Philip Quast and directed by John Caird and Paul Kafno.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comment (3)

Management guru Peter Drucker advocated a practice he called planned abandonment. He stressed how important it is that managers develop the wisdom and courage to regularly review what their organization is doing and determine whether it's worth doing. He urged executives to note and resist the systemic and emotional forces that make it difficult to abandon activities that drain resources, detract from central goals, or otherwise impede progress.

Professor Drucker's insights about abandonment seem equally applicable to the management of our lives. Many of us continue to pursue unrealistic career goals or stay in unhealthy or nonconstructive relationships that ought to be abandoned because they keep us from moving upward and forward toward core life goals.

It makes no sense to settle for relationships that lessen rather than enlarge us, that diminish rather than develop our values and character. Thus, we should summon the courage and integrity to abandon dead-end personal or work relationships. We need to recognize how murky notions of loyalty can blind us to simple realities and how unrealistic hopes that things will change can prevent us from achieving our higher potential.

Toxic relationships not only make us unhappy, they corrupt our attitudes and dispositions in ways that undermine healthier relationships and blur our vision of what is possible. It's never easy to change, but nothing gets better without change.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:53 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

There’s a parable about a mother who discovered a butterfly struggling mightily to escape its cocoon through a tiny opening at the top. She became concerned when the creature seemed to give up after making no progress. Certain that the butterfly wouldn’t make it out without help, she enlarged the hole.

On its next try, the butterfly wriggled out easily. But the young woman’s joy turned to horror when she saw its wings were shriveled and useless. Her well-intentioned intervention had interrupted a natural process. Forcing the butterfly to squeeze though a small opening is nature’s way of assuring that blood from the creature’s body is pushed into the wings. By making it easier, she deprived the butterfly of strong wings.

Childhood, too, is a sort of cocoon. If a healthy adult is to emerge, parents must allow, even encourage, their children to struggle, make mistakes, learn from them, and pay the price for bad judgments and conduct.

Of course, good parents should protect their children from serious harm, but being overprotective can itself inflict damage. Adversity is not always an enemy. Teaching can help a young person develop wings strengthened by self-confidence and self-reliance.

Helen Keller once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:37 AM | Permalink | Comment (5)

Mothers. What group of people has been more glorified and vilified?

On one hand is the idealized image of selfless, wise, patient, and loving maternal perfection celebrated in greeting cards, songs, and “I Love Mom” tattoos.

On the other hand are the darker stereotypes of the controlling, hypercritical, self-absorbed, guilt-inducing mother responsible for all her children’s insecurities and hang-ups; the wicked stepmother of fairy tales; and the interfering mother-in-law.

Hardly anyone’s mother fits any of these images. Real moms come in an infinite variety of packages – all with a unique array of virtues and faults.

As we get older, the images of our mothers are little more than the memories we choose to emphasize. I don’t think any of us can be objective about the merits or faults of our mothers any more than our mothers can be objective about us. Some will approach Mother’s Day, therefore, with warm feelings and gratitude while others will find themselves fighting or indulging feelings of resentment.

I’m on the gratitude side. My mom died in her early 40s of breast cancer shortly after giving birth to her sixth child. I wish I’d had her longer, but my memories are good ones.

Mother’s Day now is about the greatest mother I’ve ever known, my wife Anne.

For the first 11 years of our marriage, this beautiful, smart, and funny graduate of an Ivy League college chose to shelve her personal ambitions for full-time devotion to the most difficult, important, frustrating, exhausting, and fulfilling job in the word – being a mom to our four daughters.

Although she has since created and manages a highly successful children’s gymnastics center, she is still, first and foremost, a mom. And while she often beats herself up for not being a perfect one, she’s as good as I’ve seen.

So for me, no greeting-card tribute is too corny for the mother I will honor and thank this Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day, Anne!

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:26 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

In today’s Commentary e-newsletter (Week 617), we urged readers in the “Announcements” section to vote for Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson in ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” because she’s a longtime supporter of CHARACTER COUNTS! and a sterling role model in and out of sports.

More than one Josephson Institute staffer felt uncomfortable doing that, and we wanted to give you a little behind-the-scenes on the debate that ensued. We hope this situation illustrates that issues of conscience are continually raised within the Institute and that even reasonable ethical people can disagree.

Why some objected:

• It sends the wrong message. Voting for that contest should be based on Shawn Johnson’s dancing ability, nothing more. By canvassing our audience to vote for her irrespective of her dancing ability turns the event into nothing more than a popularity contest, which is not its true purpose.


• The Institute could justifiably be criticized for urging its readers to vote for her because of our own self-interest (she’s a CHARACTER COUNTS! advocate and Institute supporter).


• Just because others may vote for their favorites out of popularity, looks, glamour, reputation, etc., doesn’t justify us doing so. Isn’t this precisely what we preach to our readers and listeners not to do?

Why some approved:

• Everyone knows what the show’s real message is: Public voting is a popularity contest. The show itself acknowledges that (after all, how many average viewers could accurately judge dancing ability?), which is why only half the final determination is based on fan tabulations.


• What’s more, the show loves people like us trying to get out the vote because it ups the exposure of the show and boosts ratings. The show’s producers don’t care one wit about who’s truly the best dancer. They only care about keeping viewers glued to the show.


• It’s an interesting and potentially important issue, however, as to whether we should have anything to do with such a program, but Shawn is a great friend, other organizations have drummed up support for her, and getting huge vote turnouts is ultimately what the show’s about.


• Finally, asserting a pristine position unrelated to the “reality” of what’s really going on could cause its own ethical problems.

Now’s your chance to vote!

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 6:04 PM | Permalink | Comment (2)

When you think of it, it’s a cruel joke. Motherhood starts with nine months of nausea, backaches, and bladder problems, and terminates with excruciating pain. That’s followed by two decades of emotional stress and servitude, culminating in sadness when the child, not needing you anymore, leaves home.

What in the world are people talking about when they speak of the joys of motherhood?

They’re talking about the awe you feel looking at your growing belly and realizing you’re nurturing a human life into existence with your own body or the thrill of holding a newborn and touching its tiny fingers.

They’re talking about ending an exhausting day of cleaning up, doing laundry, running errands, and mediating endless bickering by tucking your child into bed and feeling your heart fill as he transforms into a sleeping angel.

They’re talking about the pleasure of hearing your child squeal with delight at her first circus or of helping her get dressed for her senior prom.

They’re talking about how much fun it is to wrestle with your kid, teach him chess, or make him run as you squirt him with a hose on a hot day.

They’re talking about the pride you experience when she gives you the first present she bought with her own money or when you see her score a goal, win an award, or graduate.

But I’m sure about the joys of motherhood when your child says, “I love you Mommy.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comment (2)

The dangers associated with children using the Internet are well-documented in scary news stories about sexual predators posing as teenagers, cyber bullies causing kids to commit suicide, and embarrassing photos ruining reputations and careers.

Many parents and educators have responded by limiting or banning Web access, but that’s a failed strategy for two reasons: 1) the best way to prompt a teen activity is to forbid it, and 2) even cyber skeptics have come to realize the tremendous advantages of the Web for research and communication.

At Josephson Institute, we accept as an irreversible reality that kids will send text and video messages wirelessly and use the Internet extensively – and will do so more and more. Our strategy is to become so proficient in these new technologies that we can harness them in the service of our mission to improve kids’ lives by strengthening their character and decision-making skills.

We invited the CHARACTER COUNTS! community to vote on a name for a new positive website we would create that would be designed by and for kids. They selected www.Mylife24-7.org.*

Now, with the aid of a national cadre of Student Ambassadors, we’re building a place in cyberspace where kids can connect, reflect, and evolve in a safe and positive setting, a place you’ll want your kids to go because they’ll grow.

It will have lots of fun stuff: quotes, jokes, surveys, and contests on everything from videos to songs to T-shirt designs and much more. It will also provide advice to help kids deal with stress, time management, leadership skills, college placement, personal and family traumas, and issues that interest them most.

Check it out!

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* The MyLife 24-7 project is about preparing and empowering young people to lead the way to a more ethical world by mobilizing them into a sort of “Good for You” movement. Meeting teens on their turf – the Internet – the website is a forum to connect, reflect, and evolve individually and within the global community and to enact real-world change through self-improvement and service to others.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

Sometimes lying makes our lives easier. If you want the day off, just call in sick. If your boss asks if you’ve finished a report, say you left it at home. And if an irate customer calls, just make up a good cover story. Technically these are lies, but since no one’s hurt, what’s the big deal?

We tell ourselves they’re harmless, but are they really? Telling lies is like drunk driving. If we’re lucky, we won’t get caught and no one will get hurt. Still, drunk driving is wrong because it’s irresponsible to recklessly endanger human life. Most lies are wrong because they recklessly endanger human relationships. What’s more, lies are habit-forming. The more lies we tell, the easier it becomes, so we tell more lies.

Self-serving lies that help us get out of a jam or look better are like land mines. They may lie dormant, but sooner or later some will explode, damaging both our credibility and reputation. The ethical duty to be worthy of trust does not bend to our needs, convenience, or desire to avoid unpleasant consequences. Besides being dishonest, lying is disrespectful because it deprives the victim of true information needed to make sensible decisions.

Lies damage personal and business relationships because they generate suspicion and distrust. Once lied to, most people think, “What else will he lie to me about?” This is not a healthy basis for any relationship.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)

Whether it’s through a computer or a so-called smart phone, most kids can send and receive all sorts of information and images — from class assignments to porn. They can do research and exchange information about every imaginable topic, and that includes making bombs and committing suicide.

We may be able to delay or even prevent certain usages, but ultimately it’s a battle that can’t be won by telling kids what they can’t do. Whether they want it or not, we have to teach them what they can and should do and provide them with continual guidance and supervision so they avoid dangerous strangers, unsavory material, and doing stupid things that can blemish their reputations and expose them to ridicule and humiliation.

Where do they go? Every month more than 9 million teens (ages 12-17) visit YouTube, a place where they or anyone can post or view an endless array of videos. On average, they spend more than two hours per month viewing 74 videos.

Five and a half million teens use the social media site Facebook every month, and every month tens of thousands of new users join them. MySpace, the other social media giant, is almost as popular.

The majority of these young people spend time on either Facebook or MySpace every day. And there are tens of thousands of other websites hoping to attract your teen. It’s no surprise, but boys like sports and playing games while girls are more likely to visit celebrity and gossip sites.

Your next step: Spend some time soon asking your kids what they are up to online and have them teach you what they know.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comment (0)

I love technology.

Ten years ago I had to go into a radio station to record my commentaries; now I record them on my home computer and post them somewhere in cyberspace where radio stations find and download them.

I used to buy and wade through piles of newspapers and specialized publications; now I go online and get far more free more information then I can possibly use, and Google Alerts collect and sort daily news stories on any topic I’m interested in.

Even my phone is an incredibly sophisticated computer that lets me send and receive e-mails; buy and enjoy books, music, and movies; find the weather anywhere in the world; and discover my exact location.

I’ve tried to keep up, but I confess technology is passing me by.

I don’t instant message, video chat, or tweet. I’m not Linked in and don’t Digg it. I’ve got personal and institutional Facebook pages, but I haven’t taken the time to figure out how to use them.

Part of me wants to say “Enough already!” but I can’t afford to get off the technology express because my children are on it and I can’t let them travel alone. The irreversible fact is, this generation is continually integrating new technologies into their lives that dictate the way they study, communicate, and interact.

This isn’t all bad.

Evolving uses of digital communication and the Internet present many wonderful opportunities to learn and grow, but it would be irresponsible to ignore the risks of letting young people wander unsupervised in a world full of lurking hazards and temptations that they may not be ready to deal with.

I can’t get so lazy or indifferent that I allow a technology gap to prevent me from monitoring, guiding, and enforcing sensible ground rules. It’s my job as a parent.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comment (1)