Life After Tragedy 585.4
Last night, I attended a fundraising dinner for the Erika Whitmore Godwin Foundation, the creation of Susan and Wendell Whitmore, a couple who transformed their personal mountain of sorrow into a living monument to their daughter Erika who died in the prime of her life.
Through a content-rich website Griefhaven.org, the foundation provides resources to guide parents recently maimed by the death of a child out of the black swamp of despair. Many at the dinner had lost a child, and regardless of the age or cause of death, these bereft parents all shared a common sentence – to live the rest of their lives with a hole in their heart.
One of the speakers, Dolly Saget, mother of comedian Bob, had lost four children. No one could blame them if they had retreated to a dark dungeon of despondency, but the remarkable people in that room refused to surrender to grief. Through hope, courage, and strength, they made a painful peace with their reality so they could move on, so they could laugh, so they could enjoy the company of others and savor good memories without being consumed by regret.
Their strategy is not to bury their pain so deep that they forget their loss. They want to remember. They want to celebrate and honor their children – not by weeping, but by easing the pain of others.
People like the Whitmores confirm that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. They also teach us that deeply wounded hearts can be healed through life-affirming energy provided by a community of caring friends linked through common experiences and that a rewarding and meaningful life can be made from the rubble of personal calamity.
The evening ended with an inspired and inspiring performance by singer Davis Gaines. With his music still in my head, I left the dinner profoundly grateful for my life.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
We lost my sister 17 years ago this November. My mother has never been the same. Greifhaven.org might help her. Thanks for promoting it in your commentary.
Posted by: John | September 26, 2008 7:26 AM
Thank you for posting this. My family lost my son on January 26, 2008, at the age of 17 due to head trauma. He was hit from behind by a drunk driver while sitting at a red light. I am trying to spread the word about organ donation since he had signed his driver's license. My husband and I are involved with the very program that taught Chris about organ donation at his high school, The Gift of Life in Kansas City. We are all so proud of his choice to save other's lives and it has helped to know that he lives on. Most days I can laugh at some of the things that Chris did or would have done. Sometimes, like now, those little things send me spiraling back down. I am very grateful for the support and understanding of the people I work with. It is a road that I wouldn't wish on anyone, even my worst enemy, to have to walk down. The most horrible part about the experience is that even though this happens to too many people, and the grief is natural, the journey is so different for each person. I know life will never be the same. I just hope I can get to the point that moving forward becomes easier. Thank you again. Tonya Brown, Kansas City, KS
Posted by: Tonya Brown | September 26, 2008 8:49 AM
I just subscribed to your e-mail newsletter and have enjoyed it so much. However, one of your quotes struck a painful cord by Henri Frederic Amiel(1821-88): "It's dangerous to abandon one's self to grief. It deprives one of courage and even the wish for recovery."
Having gone through the excruciating deaths of two close relatives, I can tell you from experience that it takes more courage to go THROUGH the grief process than it does to try to escape our natural ETHICAL emotions that stem from the LOVE of the people we lose. Grief has a life of its own and hits us at the most inopportune times. To insinuate that it is somehow self-indulgent makes our grief worse. Try www.Griefshare.org to understand more. Your program is great, but be careful.
Posted by: Kathie Perino | September 30, 2008 9:31 AM