Most of us have lied to get out of trouble. From childhood denials (“It wasn’t me”) to adult fabrications (“The check’s in the mail”), what seem like harmless falsehoods easily fall off our tongues. And then we make up more excuses or tell more lies to protect the first one. Soon the cover-up is more serious and credibility-damaging than whatever it was that we lied about in the first place.

The natural tendency to avoid discomfort makes our lives more difficult in other ways as well. Some people damage or endanger their most important relationships at home or work by failing to acknowledge and deal with small problems that then fester into serious ones.

Here’s a useful piece of advice: When you’re in a hole, stop digging. Whether our problems are of our own making or not, whether we know how to resolve them or not, the first step is to stop making things worse. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming others. Stop ignoring our strong and persistent feelings. And stop dismissing and discounting what others tell us about their needs and feelings.

Once we stop digging, we can work on getting out of the hole. It may take self-reflection, self-restraint, or willpower. Perhaps we have to adjust our schedules or simply be more attentive and considerate. Sometimes the best thing to do is ask for help so someone will throw us a rope.

Like so many aspects of character, this is often easier said than done. But when we manage our lives thoughtfully and with integrity, things do get better.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.