What’s a Modern Parent to Do? 581.4
A hit number in the 1960 play Bye Bye Birdie was a classic parent’s lament starting with “I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today! Why can’t they be like we were?”
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The answer, of course, is they’re just like we were, but many of us aren’t like our parents were. Sometimes that’s good, often it’s not. Every generation of kids coping with raging hormones and a need to express independence and individuality will use language, wear clothes, listen to music, and dance in ways that offend their parents. And most will engage in conduct that their parents think is wrong or unwise.
Should modern parents, therefore, just relax and let kids do their thing, confident that no lasting harm will come of it? I don’t think so.
Sure, we should recognize the inherent limitations of parenting and the futility and impropriety of trying to control every phase of our children’s lives, but that doesn’t justify passive or permissive parenting. Although we can’t control our kids, we can influence them. And when necessary, we can confine their options by saying no and backing it up with whatever tools we have.
Parents may disagree on where to draw the line when it comes to sloppy or sexy clothing, Internet use, loud music with crude lyrics, and body piercing and tattoos, but lines must be drawn somewhere and enforced. This is even more important regarding alcohol, drugs, and sex. Kids need and deserve guidance and boundaries.
Our children won’t necessarily accept our views of right and wrong, but if we state them clearly and continually, they’ll be much more likely to consider them.
What do you think?
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
I hope all is well with you. Please give my best to Jessica and everyone else at CC. I really enjoyed your article, and as a parent of three kids, I agree that there are inherent challenges with raising morally sound children built on the foundation character. My wife and I are rare in our world for we have not given in to the notion that our kids have to lose their minds and we have to sit around and accept it. Our home is precious to us, and one poor decision by a child can wreck the sanctity of our home. We often find that we are vilified by adults, not kids, for taking a stand. Even family members can't believe we do not let our kids play violent video games, eat junk food, and do whatever they want to do. They say to us "that is what kids do." Tell that to one of my family members whose son was recently arrested at the age of 16 for murder and attempted murder. He will get 25 years to life and he just turned 17. His entire family is living in fear because the rival gang is threatening retaliation on his household. If we do not train our children on good moral values, poor choices will become the "rule" rather than the "exception."
I encourage parents to do what the bible says and "train a child up in the way they should go." My children have been taught to recognize poor behavior in other kids and not to be influenced by this. But they are often persecuted by their peers for respecting and cherishing their parents wishes (even though they are under the age of 12.) We have a good relationship that has been worked on since they day that all three of them were born. My wife decided to stay home with the kids instead of pursuing a lucrative career in Engineering. Her commitment has paid off and we are seeing the fruit of this decision. Even with this, she is talked about negatively for in our country being a stay-at-home mom is not honored or respected.
Our kids need to become a priority again in this country. This is why I have chosen the career path of motivational speaker and consultant to schools and school districts. It is my hope that we can reach students, parents and educators with the message of "high expectations" and "it can be done." We see the results academically, socially and personally for dropping the parenting ball. If we do not pick it up and make this a priority, heaven only knows where we will end up in the future. Chances are just like the Great Roman Empire!
Posted by: Darrell "Coach D" Andrews | August 29, 2008 3:38 AM
I think the most important thing to remember as a parent is WE WERE ONCE THE REBELLIOUS KIDs OUR OWN KIDS ARE NOW! Go easier on your kids and they will go easier on you. Tell them some of your stories as a kid and they will feel more connected. Let your house be the hang-out house. You will be the cool parent and have much more influence on your kids' friends. That way you also know what kind of kids your kids are hanging out with. My key word for my kids were CHOICE! It is their choice. And they had to reap the consequences that come along with their choice. I now have a beautiful 23-yr-old daughter whom I admire and am very proud of.
Posted by: Karen | August 29, 2008 10:26 AM