I Don’t Like It When You Lie to Me 577.4
Whenever I can, I take each of my four young daughters on an out-of-town trip so we can spend special alone-time together.
When my youngest daughter Mataya was seven, she accompanied me to a speech and we took a train to Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. We had a great time touring and talking about American history, the Liberty Bell, the Declaration of Independence, Abraham Lincoln, and even the first moon walk.
Mataya told me it was the best trip of her life, and I told her it was my best trip, too. She smiled, then looked at me with great earnestness. “Daddy, do you say that to all my sisters?”
You should know Mataya is extraordinarily principled. When she was four, she learned that some of the food she was eating was once a live animal. She decided on the spot to become a vegetarian, and she’s never wavered from that decision.
So her question was like an uppercut to my conscience. I tried to finesse my answer by saying how I really loved every trip with my girls, but that one had really been special.
She wasn’t buying it and nailed me with a family code we use. Whenever one of us wants a positively no-nonsense, truthful answer, we say, “Really, really?” It imposes an absolute obligation on the other person to be totally honest.
She “really-really-ed” me, so I confessed: “Yes, I’ve said that before.”
After a moment, she said, “So you lied to me.”
I tried to weasel out of it by telling her how much I did love our time together, but she stopped me cold with a line that made me proud of her and ashamed of myself: “Next time, just tell me it was one of the best trips of your life. I don’t like it when you lie to me.”
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
Mataya, you go girl. Evidently, you nudged your father into practicing what he preaches. Now, that's a daughter with convictions, good character and charm.
Being a train person myself, good way to introduce your daughters to this beautiful country.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 30, 2008 3:10 PM
No need to feel ashamed for getting caught in a well-meaning pickle. Your intentions were to express how much you enjoyed the trip. The fact that you expressed it in terms that, taken literally, could not be understood by a child should not be viewed as a lie. That's how you should have explained it to her. Rather than beat yourself up for the "lie," why not give yourself a pat on the back for raising such a bright and ethical child?
Posted by: James | August 13, 2008 2:27 PM
Here's a John Lennon point of view relevant to this situation.
**************************
From "In My Life"
by the Beatles:
**************************
But of all these friends and lovers,
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
when I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
for people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life, I love you more.
I thought the following line was particularly pertinent to this discussion:
And these memories lose their meaning
when I think of love as something new
Posted by: Purple Neon Lights | August 13, 2008 7:59 PM