You have captured the heartbreak of watching your mother die while somehow you try to maintain some sort of normalcy in your own life.

And then, once she's gone...you wonder..did you love her enough?

We all lose our parents at some point in our lives...there is just no easy way to go through it.

Thank you for your insightfulness.

I listen to you as often as I can.

Desiree Chang

You have exactly expressed what I have been searching for. As a young woman, I moved with my young family from the east coast to the west coast. We definitely had no money for traveling to see my mom or any family members. I had for the most part grown up without a father as he passed away when I was 12. My mother struggled with me as a brat and then a teenager. When I went to college, she was very proud. And when I moved, she was very sad. And brat that I was, I failed to do a very simple thing for her, write letters. Oh, I called on special days and always remembered her birthday, mother's day, Christmas, but what she wanted most was a letter and I just couldn't seem to find the time. She passed away in 2005 and I have always felt guilty for being so selfish but unable to put it into words. And now I find my own 2 children tend to the selfish. I guess the apple didn't fall far from that tree. Thank you for the words I didn't have. Patty Lee

I am a 65-year-old retired widower of Indian (Asian) descent born in Africa but have been touched by the poem "Don't Miss the Chance" which i heard whilst listening to my car radio. I am an example of our ancient Hindu culture of the extended family tradition whereby the male heir is expected by our society to take care of his old parents in his house. i live with my son, daughter in-law and two granchildren under the same roof. This gives my son and his wife a chance to work (very necessary in today's world) whilst I take care of their two children (since they were three years old) from school to extracurricular activities and their chores (e.g., car servicing, banking, gardening, laundering, except cooking, etc.). I take pride in doing so in return for the security, comfort, care and love I receive. It makes economic sense as well.
I hope our future generations continue this tradition if three of our principles are adhered to: "Accept-Adjust-Accommodate." Then there shouldn't be a problem. When my son married his wife, he was "Accepted" by us. Both sides "Adjusted" to the new way of life, and as life went along we "Accommodated" ourselves.

I was very touched by your commentary, "Don't Miss the Chance". Having taken care of my mom for the last ten years of her life after a stroke, it certainly did hit home. In my heart, I know we did everything we could to make her happy and comfortable. But no matter what, things are thought and you feel badly. Thank you for these wonderful words.

I tried to print this from your website but couldn't. Please e-mail it to me at the above address. Many thanks!

To all those who posted before me, you're all womderful people. I am a loving, honest, intelligent lady. I've been a good daughter to a witch of a sick mother (pre-sick, she was one). I have gone 110% to help her only to be treated poorly. She's a witch, unless she needs a favor. I had to tell her that her neighbor's 7 & 10 year olds aren't her slaves. When my father was dying, in her fustration, she would tell him to hurry up and die. Now that she is dealing with many medical issues (mostly self-inflicted), I help her but have backed off a lot. I am not in the will, and I have been the one she calls for help. Sometimes, boundaries are essential when your parent doesn't know God. Not the talk, but the walk.

There are many deserving people in this world, but my mother is a diminishing return, I hate to say it. Thank you for making me feel good about making moral decisions. I didn't get it from my mother.

Thank you for this poem, it moved me. My mother passed away almost a year ago, and I am trying to reflect what I have done and haven't done with her. I lived with her for 30 years, and she took good care of me and my children, as well as my husband. She told me stories that sometimes I just pretended to listen to so she wouldn't feel bad, but I wish, now that she's gone, I had listened patiently to her.
Last time I talked to her, she wished my family and I were in California so we could see each other every day. That didn't happen because I was too selfish, thinking about my career and my son's school. I didn't think that would be my mother's last wish. I thought she'd live forever. So when she died last August, I was so depressed. I wish I could have granted that wish. But things have their reason. I now live in her legacy. I graduated in college and now am getting ready for my Master's degree. I wish she could have seen me get my degree and my success at work. These are things she wished and prayed for. No matter how much I type here about her, I know this will not bring her back. But I just want to share to all people to never forget their loved ones, even when they are gone... I still have my father, and at least every week I call him to let him know how much I love him and care for him...Again, thank you for sharing this poem.

This made me think about me and my mom's relationship a lot. I am only 15 years old but i have been to hell and back with my mom. We were very close until about a year ago. Things have happened to me that I don't know how to explain to her and the secrets build up between us and cause so much distance. It went to a point where i was physically and emotionally hurting myself and recently my mom. Our only communication was through screaming and hitting, and my mom couldn't take it anymore which led to my arrest for domestic violence. Through all that i was still too stubborn to realize my mistakes and felt betrayed by my own mother who was supposed to protect me but instead got me arrested. When i came home, I felt no love for her, not even in the depths of my heart and had to stay with a cousin to avoid further fights. My mom sent me to Peru for my whole summer and i am going to be attending a boarding school when i return. I miss my mom. I miss the love i used to feel.

It's indeed a beautiful poem. It reflects the lives of a majority of people in this world who are either helpless to take care of their parents or are reckless. It is a matter of making the right choice rather than having a lifelong regret for not doing the right thing.

You know, being remembered is one thing, being missed is an honor and tribute to your soul.

We just heard of a family member's death today. It happened last week, but a phone message that got messed up delayed our notice. We will miss this man.

We can honestly honor his life without erasing any memories of darkness or mistreatment of others. He lived by the golden rule. Everyone who knew him was enriched by knowing him. Nice legacy to strive for.

I discovered the Josephson Institute a couple of years ago now. I reflect and try to absorb each commentary as it relates to my life.
About this commentary in particular, but I think something that applies to all your commentaries, is that they are not limited to any one situation.
Certainly when we think of aging parents a good example is drawn here for this commentary. However, people of all ages in different situations sometimes need a helping hand. Faced with a sometimes indifferent government, I'm sure, for example, there were many such people in Myanmar after that massive typhoon in that country. We cannot be everywhere all the time and at times, myself included, we get wrapped up in our own problems. That said, I notice sometimes still healthy people find no purpose in their lives, some even consider suicide as an option, when a stint in the Peace Corps or an NGO, for example, might truly help them to give meaning to their lives. I think of your "I found God in the park" commentary as having relevance here, a commentary that is a good example of one that applies to people of all ages in different situations.