Tell Someone They’re Valued 555.1
The students at Sandy’s high school were badly shaken by the news that a classmate had killed himself. The suicide note said, "It’s hard to live when nobody cares if you die."
Glen, a teacher, realized this was a teachable moment about the importance of making people feel valued. He asked his class to imagine they were about to die and to write a note "telling someone how and why you appreciate them."
Sandy, who had a rocky relationship with her mother, wrote her mom. Her letter said:
We’ve had some rough times and I haven’t always been a good daughter, but I know I’m lucky to have you in my life. You are the best person I’ve ever known. And even when I disagree with you, I never doubt you love me and want what’s best for me. Thanks for not giving up on me.
When her mom read the note, she cried and hugged Sandy tightly, but said little.
The next morning, Sandy found a note on her mirror:
Dearest Sandy, I want you to know being your mother is, by far, the most important thing in my life. Until I got your note, I thought I had lost your love and respect. I felt like such a failure. I intended to end it all last night. Your note saved my life.
Be careful not to underestimate the power of expressed appreciation. It won’t always save a life, but it will always make someone’s life better.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
Michael -
This one hit close to home with a recent situation I learned of. I wanted to thank YOU for taking time to remind readers of this very simple opportunity and the world of difference communicating someone's importance in your own life can make.
Posted by: Rachel | February 22, 2008 10:26 AM
I work immensely hard and I try to give my best when I am at work or with my family but no matter what I do, it never pleases them. Even when i have to work late, they would call me up and shout on the cell for all to hear. I know I am a survivor but this things gnaws at my heart. I had only wished for them to appreciate what I do and yet they don't. They are all praises for my siblings and would support them whenever they can but not me. I feel like a loner in this world, where no one gives a damn to what I feel, as if I am a nobody. I tried to commit suicide 9 years back but was saved. I was warned not to do it again by the spiritual powers. I realize my mistake and I know I don't want do it again because I don't want to be damned to hell forever. The only other way is to join the sisterhood and unfortunately there is no such thing in Islam. So, I have decided to lead a life of a hermit because my own people do not respect me and it seems as if I am a misfit amongst the civilized. This way, I will protect myself. It is better to leave a place of suffering so that others do not suffer on one's account than to stay there and be a total recluse!
Posted by: Anonymous | February 22, 2008 10:58 PM
Dear Mr. Josephson,
Thank you for such a wonderful and thoughtful message. We always tend to be unaware of how much we are valued and cared by others. Your message made me realize that we should not forget to express our gratitude toward those who are always around us and give helping hands whenever needed.
Thanks. I appreciate your dedicated effort for making our understanding of ethics better.
Posted by: Kiyoto Kasashima | February 25, 2008 12:17 AM
Michael, my father committed suicide the summer before I would be a senior in high school. My younger sister was only 9 years old. My brother who was four years my senior actually found him. I'm sure that image will never leave my brother's mind. The sad thing is that you are right about making sure people understand they are valued. I didn't have the emotional maturity at the time to understand that. As my father sank deeper into depression, my reaction (and my brother who had sank into alcohol and drug abuse) was to spend less time with him, and this was his greatest time of need. It has taken our family 20+ years to fully recover as the loss of our father impacted each of us differently. Maybe fully recover is the wrong phrase, we are still recovering. Obviously there are things we all would have done differently but the point is to make sure those close to you understand you love them. I tell my wife and children many times a day and each night when I pray for my family and our health I always pray my father and those relatives that too have passed know I miss them every day.
Posted by: Greg | February 29, 2008 6:05 AM
This very issue is at the root of the destruction of my 24-year marriage. Neither of us was very good at expressing feelings and tended to hold in and harbor them, both good and bad. I would encourage everyone to take the time to tell somebody how much you love them today...now. It may be the act that saves them and you from much grief.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 29, 2008 6:43 AM
This is so common in American family life.The shortage of jobs and finances to send your love ones to a college that would make a differance in there life is fading away along with the American dream of being free and independent. Every person in charge takes his piece of the American pie and runs away. LEAVING ONLY CRUMS.
Posted by: armando campa | March 11, 2008 12:15 PM
Michael,
Once again this commentary of yours makes a home run toward the hearts of daily Americans who work day in and day out ethically and socially, politically and economically. This commentary in particular made me reflect and ponder in my life who it is that I may take for granted and not truly appreciate to the fullest what that person means to me.
A few days ago I phoned a friend I have not seen for a long time, and it seems lifetimes ago since I have seen him last and we would have so much to talk about. But my message to him was brief: after all these years of not constantly contacting him, he is a very valued person to me. I could feel my heart melting when he responded to me saying the same.
Posted by: andi | April 2, 2008 6:25 PM