Two frogs named Will and Fern weren’t looking where they were going and fell into a pit. At first, they thought it would be easy to jump out, but after numerous failed attempts they were getting desperate. A crowd of animals gathered around to watch.

The consensus of the onlookers was there was no way either one could jump high enough to get out, so they urged the two to accept their fate.

The harder the trapped frogs jumped, the more the crowd yelled at them to surrender. Finally, Will fell back to the bottom and gave up. Fern refused to quit. With one mighty last try, she leaped out of the pit.

The other animals were amazed. One asked her how she could keep trying despite their discouraging taunts.

Fern was shocked. "What do you mean? I’m a bit deaf. I thought you were rooting for me. I couldn’t have done it without you."

Patty, a resident of a transitional housing program, gave a printed version of this story to my wife Anne. After a long period of homelessness and drug abuse, Patty wanted us to understand that positivism and support can inspire those who seem down and out to get up and out.

Patty said she escaped her own pit of despair because caring people at the housing program gave her the faith and confidence she needed to jump just a little harder.

There are lots of ways to help others. We can educate them, feed them, and house them. But we can also change their lives if we encourage and empower them.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (6)

When my son Justin was in high school, I went to an open house to meet his teachers. I was taken aback when one of them casually mentioned that she had disciplined my son for cheating on a homework assignment.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” I confronted him afterward.

"You didn’t ask."

To say the least, I was disappointed at his reaction. Surely he knew that in trusting relationships, candor – volunteering information you know the other person thinks is important – is part of honesty. He said he didn’t know that. He was adamant that as long as he hadn’t done anything to affirmatively deceive me, he was being trustworthy.

Not so. Trustworthiness involves a good deal more than not lying. An honest relationship creates high mutual expectations, not only of truthfulness but also of frankness and openness about important information.

That’s why parents owe candor to their kids on matters that affect their lives like plans to move, divorce, or get remarried. And kids owe parents candor on matters concerning their safety and education.

My son was grounded. The next day he came home beaming with self-satisfaction. “My teacher said if she knew you were going to treat it so seriously, she wouldn’t have told you."

Obviously, the teacher didn’t understand or care about her duty of candor to parents. And she sure didn’t grasp the idea of supporting parental efforts to build character.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (4)

With four young daughters, 14 and under, I frequently find myself correcting, disciplining, or simply protesting unnecessary and unkind comments certain to anger or wound a sister and evoke counterattacks that fill the air with nastiness.

Hoping to get them to think before they speak in the future, I often ask, “What did you expect to accomplish by that remark?” and “Did it make things better or worse?”

It disappoints and frustrates me that my children are so often unkind to one another and so quick to make foolish comments that have no constructive purpose. Yet it’s even more troublesome when adults engage in the same senseless behavior.

It may be a husband’s unfiltered remark about his wife’s weight or new wrinkles, a parents’ comment, “That’s why you have no friends” or ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or an aunt’s unwanted advice, “If you want to get married, lose weight.”

Sometimes it’s the tone or timing of an otherwise proper statement that makes it sting. We have to remember that words are weapons, sometimes weapons of mass destruction.

Verbal assaulters may defend their unguided missiles with claimed innocence: “I didn’t mean it that way” when the real question is “How was the remark likely to be received?”

Another lame excuse is “I was just telling the truth” without considering whether that truth needed to be said. Honesty does not preclude tact.

We may not always be able to shield ourselves from the darts and arrows of inconsiderate or mean-spirited folks, but we can resolve to be more thoughtful in our own communications.

We can be more kind more consistently. We can follow the Golden Rule.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:30 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (12)

Chad and his three friends were college seniors doing well in their classes. Even though the final physics exam was scheduled for the following Monday, Chad persuaded his buddies to take a weekend trip several hundred miles away. He told his worried friends they could study in the car and when they got back Sunday night. Instead, the boys partied all weekend and by Sunday night they knew they weren’t ready for the exam.

Chad, an A student, told them to relax. He had a plan. He called the professor at home Monday morning and told him they were on the road and ready to take the final. But they’d had a flat tire, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help. Chad convinced the professor to let them take a make-up exam.

When they showed up to take the exam, the professor placed them in separate rooms and handed each a test booklet. They were relieved that the first problem, worth 5 points, was simple. They were less pleased when they read the second problem, worth 95 points: "Which tire was flat, and what time did the repair truck finally come?"

Chad’s exam had an additional note: "Chad, I just received a reference request from Harvard. How you do on this exam will determine how I fill it out."

Then he added a P.S.: "You took two exams today. One was on physics, the other was on integrity. It would have been much better if you only flunked physics."

Kids will be kids, but all choices have consequences. Chad and his buddies took one risk by not studying, but they took a much greater risk when they made up a phony excuse.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

The world of ethics spreads from the borders of the absolutists, who think every moral question has a clear and single answer, to the coast of the relativists, who believe ethics is a matter of personal opinion or regional custom.

In distinguishing right from wrong, absolutists don’t see much of a difference between mathematical calculation and moral reasoning. They’re extraordinarily confident about their ethical judgments, which can range from uncompromising commitment to truth, responsibility, and authority of law to ideas about religious beliefs, abortion, premarital sex, protecting whales, and even body piercing and breastfeeding. Although absolutism is often associated with conservatism, radical liberals can be just as rigid.

While absolutists are less likely to rationalize or fall into the traps of situational ethics, they can become disrespectfully intolerant of other perspectives. Although they can be highly honorable, a "no exceptions" approach to principles like truthfulness can lead to undesirable results. If one insists that all lying is wrong, there is no moral difference between lying to collect insurance and lying to a 3-year-old about the tooth fairy, falsely praising a gift, or going undercover to catch drug dealers.

While I share the absolutists’ disdain for those who constantly find excuses to lie, cheat, or break promises, I face too many situations in life where my deeply held convictions conflict. Sometimes telling the absolute truth is so unkind or disrespectful that it isn’t morally required.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:59 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (3)

I’ve talked before about the importance of making moral judgments. The idea is not to encourage categorizing or labeling others’ character but to clarify moral obligations in terms of specific values and attributes that make us better people and produce a better society.

The most effective framework I know is built on six core ethical values called the Six Pillars of Character: trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship. Thus, if you want to be a person of character:

First, be worthy of trust, live with honor and integrity, be honest, keep your promises, and do what's right even when it costs more than you want to pay.

Second, treat others with respect; live by the Golden Rule; and avoid physical violence, verbal abuse, prejudice, and all other acts that demean or offend human dignity.

Third, be responsible, exercise self-discipline and self-restraint, do your best, and be self-reliant and accountable for the consequences of your choices.

Fourth, be fair, don’t cheat, be open and consistent, don’t jump to conclusions, and be careful when making judgments about others.

Fifth, be caring, kind, empathetic, and charitable; avoid selfishness; and do what you can to improve the lives of others.

Sixth, be a good citizen, do your share to make your community better, protect the environment, participate in democratic processes, play by the rules, and obey laws (unless you have a compelling conscientious objection).

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:42 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (8)

No matter what Gary did, it was never enough to please his father. When he got seven A’s and three B’s, his dad asked about the B’s. When Gary told him about a wonderful girl he’d fallen in love with, he got a lecture cautioning that she may turn out to be different than he thought.

Gary’s dad was stunned and hurt when Gary took a job in another town. He tried to talk him out of it, explaining the advantages of being close to family and the pitfalls of moving.

Finally, Gary exploded. "Dad, I’m moving to get away from you! I love you, but I can’t stand the way you tear down everything I do."

He braced himself for a counterattack, but for the first time in his life he saw his father’s mask of confidence dissolve into vulnerability. "All I ever wanted to do was make you better and help you reach your potential and avoid risks,” his dad stammered with tears in his eyes. “It’s what I do. It’s why my business has been so successful. Do you want me to ignore my experience and just be a cheerleader?"

"Dad," Gary replied, "our relationship isn’t about productivity. You’re my dad. Sometimes I need praise more than I need a push and approval more than I need advice. Constantly trying to make me better just makes me feel worse. It’s not enough that you love me. I need you to appreciate me."

It’s an important lesson. In personal relationships, there may be benefits to the relentless pursuit of better, but the cost may be too high.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (10)

Reach for the stars. Pursue goals beyond your grasp. These are good life strategies. We never know how much we can accomplish until we try. But what happens when we’re told we must actually reach the stars or suffer consequences?

A common workplace strategy to spur employee achievement is to set aggressive productivity objectives that, like the mechanical rabbit that goads and paces racing greyhounds, are usually beyond reach. Benignly called “stretch goals” by those who set them, the idea is to generate maximum effort. A salesperson who is told he’s expected to increase sales by 10 percent may only achieve six, but that’s still pretty good.

There’s a downside to this clever management technique. For one thing, it generates unhealthy stress and low morale as employees catch on to the game and resent being manipulated like racing dogs. For another, unrealistic stretch goals overemphasize short-term performance and encourage employees to conceal, ignore, and defer problems. Finally, some employees will simply cheat.

Organizational audits conducted by Josephson Institute reveal that a high percentage of employees who are constantly pressured to achieve ever-escalating numerical goals manipulate numbers and distort reports. A significant number outright lie.

Pressure is no excuse for cheating, but it’s a frequent cause. Those who play the stretch goal game are accountable for the predictable side effects of the relentless pursuit of numbers, especially if they don’t place greater emphasis on honesty and integrity.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Webmaster at 9:53 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

I’ve mentioned before that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is one of my heroes. On the occasion of the national holiday in his name, I want to tell you why.

The dictionary defines a hero as "a person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life." A personal hero is someone we hold in especially high esteem. For me, Dr. King is both a national and personal hero.

I have no illusions that he was a flawless man. I simply have the conviction that his virtues far outweighed his faults and that this nation is a better place because of him.

When I read his speeches and weigh them in the context of his time – considering his ability and courage to pursue his aggressive but nonviolent humanitarian principles despite enormous pressures from those who thought he was going too far and those who thought he wasn’t going far enough – I conclude that he was an extraordinary inspirational leader with uncommon vision and strength.

Dr. King didn’t simply talk about his dreams. He went to the battle lines time and time again to fight for them. Before he was finally murdered at the age of 39, his home had been bombed. He knew he was continuously putting his life at risk to advocate social justice, human dignity, and an end to racism and bigotry.

We have not yet fully reached Dr. King’s promised land where all people will be judged by the content of their character, but we’re certainly closer to it because of him.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Bonus: Even without the grace and power of his oratory, Dr. King's words still inspire and convey timeless truths. The following is a list of my favorite quotes from him.

Quotations From Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

1. A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.

2. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

3. He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.

4. It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.

5. I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.

6. Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. No social advance rolls in on the wheels of inevitability. Every step requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle – the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

7. Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. It cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.

8. We will never have peace in the world until men everywhere recognize that ends are not cut off from the means because the means represent the end in process, and ultimately you cannot reach good ends through evil means because the means represent the seed and the end represents the tree.

9. An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

10. An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.

11. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

12. If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values: that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control.

13. Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

14. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.

15. That old law about “an eye for an eye” leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.

16. Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?”

17. The first question that the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But...the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"

18. Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education.

19. If physical death is the price I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive.

20. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter with me now because I’ve been to the mountaintop. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain, and . . . I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we, as people, will get to the Promised Land. And I’m happy tonight. I’m not fearing any man. (Spoken shortly before his death.)

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 6:07 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

I grew up in the Sixties and remember the tumultuous times in which Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. made his historic mark on American society. Dr. King was always one of my heroes. So I was delighted a few years ago when I was asked to deliver an address about his legacy.

I wasn’t ready, however, for the range and depth of emotions evoked during my research. Reading old news articles and viewing black-and-white photos of the problem of racial discrimination and the struggle against it made me realize how much I had forgotten or repressed my country’s awful legacy of slavery, bigotry, and government-sanctioned segregation.

Time had dulled my memory of heart-wrenching and conscience-burning images of lynchings, murdered civil-rights workers, church bombings, cross-burnings, screaming mobs, white-hooded Ku Klux Klan members, police dogs attacking demonstrators and, of course, Dr. King’s assassination.

It’s hard to believe that just 45 years ago, Governor George Wallace of Alabama declared, "Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever!" It’s hard to believe that just a short time ago there were neighborhoods where black people couldn’t live, hotels where they couldn’t stay, restaurants where they couldn’t eat, and drinking fountains they couldn’t use.

I hope parents and teachers will take some time on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to paint a vivid picture for children that conveys not just the facts, but the feelings of outrage and injustice that fueled Dr. King’s courageous leadership and motivated tens of thousands of people to follow him on marches, boycotts, and to sit-ins.

Without this context, one can’t truly appreciate the importance of Dr. Martin Luther King’s contribution to American life and the distance we’ve come because of him.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*If you’d like to read a speech I gave in 2003 at the 32nd Annual Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Brotherhood Breakfast sponsored by the Los Angeles YMCA, click here.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

I grew up during the sexual revolution. It was a philosophical and physical rebellion against entrenched social mores concerning everything from the propriety of enjoying sex to the condemnation of specific sexual activities, including pre- and extramarital relations.

Spurred by new concepts of feminism and the availability of the pill, more permissive attitudes toward casual or uncommitted sex became more prevalent. And, while not the norm, other conduct such as extramarital affairs and having children out of wedlock were more readily accepted as lifestyle choices.

Now it’s as if all choices involving sex are exempt from moral judgment.

It’s simply not so. While the values confining sexual activity to the marriage bed are deeply rooted in religion, sexual conduct involves major secular ethical considerations that go beyond religious views about chastity and fidelity. Since few actions have greater physical, emotional, and social consequences, choices concerning sexual conduct are ethical minefields.

Although many decisions about sex are private, when they affect others, the ethical dimension can’t be ignored. So if one betrays a trust or induces another to do so, that’s wrong. Same with irresponsible, dishonest, or disrespectful behavior that exploits others, inflicts emotional pain, jeopardizes relationships, or risks disease or unwanted pregnancy.

Sex isn’t inherently wrong. But given the stakes, it should be taken very seriously.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (2)

Lots of companies are focusing serious attention on the issues of ethics and values -- and lots of people think it’s a waste of time.

The skeptics argue that you can’t teach ethics to adults. By the time they’re in the workplace, they’re either ethical or not.

It’s a plausible argument, but it misses the point.

The purpose of a corporate ethics program is not to make people ethical but to increase the likelihood that they’ll act ethically. This is definitely achievable. In today’s environment, failing to do what can be done to protect a company from employee misconduct is irresponsible.

The objective of a corporate ethics program is to establish a business culture in which it’s easier to do the right thing than the wrong thing and where concerned coworkers and vigilant supervisors repress illegal or improper conduct that can potentially endanger or embarrass the company.

An organization can further improve its ethical track record by assuring it has clear and credible statements of values and standards of conduct. When supplemented with quality training, those values and standards can clarify expectations and reduce misconduct resulting from ignorance or misinterpretations of laws or company policies.

A firm that wants to strengthen its ethical culture hires for character and trains for skills. It takes background checks seriously, screening out employees who lack the moral compass or strength to resist temptations and weeding out those who lack moral commitment or judgment during probation. And during performance reviews and promotions, it assesses ethical attributes like trustworthiness, responsibility, and respectfulness. Only people who are comfortable living up to high ethical standards are retained or promoted.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (10)

During a camping trip, Sam and Tom saw a bear coming their way. Sam dropped his backpack and told Tom he was going to run for it.

His surprised friend said, "You can’t outrun a bear."

Sam replied, "I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."

Sadly, this "look-out-for-number-one" mentality is a common approach in business, politics, and sports. Basically good people routinely engage in and justify selfish, short-sighted conduct that treats coworkers, colleagues, and teammates as competitors rather than comrades.

In Steven Carr Reuben’s book Children of Character, he writes about a very different social vision where people find greater meaning and satisfaction in their life by creating caring communities. To make his point, he tells of nine boys and girls in the Special Olympics who were competing in the 100-yard dash.

Just as the race started, one of the boys stumbled, fell, and started to cry. The other eight heard him and looked back. First one, then another, then all of them stopped running and went back to help their fallen comrade.

One of the runners, a girl with Down syndrome, bent down and kissed the fallen boy. "This will make it better," she said.

All nine then linked arms and triumphantly walked together to the finish line. "That," Reuben wrote, "is what being part of a community is really about."

It’s a lot better way to live than trying to outrun each other.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how he or she acts at the grocery store.

I remember being in a crowded store that had a shortage of shopping carts. A prosperous-looking fellow and his wife were pushing a cart when another man stopped them. "Excuse me," the second man said, "but that’s my cart."

The first guy looked annoyed and, instead of apologizing, protested, "But someone took my cart." His wife glared at him, and he reluctantly relinquished his ill-gotten gain.

He had ignored the age-old wisdom: "Two wrongs don’t make a right" in favor of a distorted version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as others have done unto you."

Then there are the folks who change their mind about buying an item and put it on the nearest shelf, rationalizing that the store hires people to put misplaced things back. Schools employ custodians to clean the halls, but does that mean it’s okay for kids to throw their candy wrappers on the floor?

Finally, there are the express-line cheaters who enter the "10 items or less" line with 14 items because they’re in a hurry or they love having a competitive edge. They count on the fact that no one will call them on such a moral misdemeanor. And if someone does, they’re ready to play lawyer: "It depends on what you call an item. These melons are part of the fruit group so I count them as one."

Being considerate, playing by the rules, and setting a good example are important, even in the grocery store.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:52 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (10)

I’ve spent lots of time with some of the world’s most successful coaches. I discovered that many of them think about character a lot, especially traits that are important to winning -- like self-discipline, perseverance, resiliency, and courage.

Unfortunately, they pay less attention to virtues like honesty, integrity, responsibility, compassion, respect, and fairness -- aspects of character that make a good person, citizen, spouse, or parent.

The problem is, even at the amateur level many coaches are hired and paid to win, not to build character. Unless it interferes with performance, worrying about the kind of person an athlete is on or off the field is a waste of time.

Coaches who seek to hone the mental and physical skills of winning while ignoring moral virtues of honor and decency too often produce magnificent competitors who are menaces to society.

Perhaps coaches of elite athletes not connected with educational or youth-serving institutions can operate in this moral vacuum, but all others have a responsibility to teach, enforce, advocate, and model all aspects of good character, including trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship.

Whether it’s sports, business, or politics, whenever we divorce issues of competence from issues of character, we create a class of amoral professionals who think they’re exempt from common standards of honor and decency.

This discredits and demeans the moral standing of everyone involved.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (13)

Play audio

What does it take to make you happy? How much must you have to be grateful?

To the barefoot man, happiness is a pair of old shoes. To the man with old shoes, it’s a pair of new shoes. To the man with new shoes, it’s more stylish shoes. And, of course, the fellow with no feet would be happy being barefoot.

This leads to the ancient insight: If you want to be happy, count your blessings, not your burdens. Measure your life by what you have, not by what you don’t.

Yet in our modern world where we’re continually exposed to endless increments of more and better – others with more money, better TVs, and bigger houses – this is very difficult.

For some people, the pleasure of having something good is drained as soon as they see someone else with something better. Our sense of contentment is created or destroyed by comparisons.

A life consumed with unfulfilled wants is an affliction. The antidote is understanding the concept of "enough."

Start by thinking more clearly about the difference between your needs and your wants, between sufficiency and abundance.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more and striving to fill our lives with things and experiences that give us pleasure, so long as we don’t believe we need whatever we want.

When we think we need what we really only want, we make our desires preconditions to happiness, thereby diminishing our ability to appreciate and enjoy what we do have.

It’s easy to think that happiness is achieved by getting what we want when it’s really a matter of wanting what we get.

In the end, enough is enough.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* There are a number of versions of a story and poem titled “I Wish You Enough” circulating on the Internet – all without attribution. This is my favorite:

I overheard a mother and daughter at the airport as a departure flight was announced. They hugged, and the mother said, "I love you and wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "I wish you enough, too, Mom."

They kissed and the daughter got on the plane. The mother walked over to where I was seated and smiled.

I said, "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

"Oh, that's a wish that’s been handed down in my family,” she said. “My parents used to say it to everyone. When I wish my daughter enough, I express my wish that she has a life filled with just enough good things to give her lasting pleasure and joy.”

Then she recited this short poem:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

The woman began to cry, and slowly walked away.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (7)

Politics is, and always has been, a rough-and-tumble business that seems to bring out the worst in candidates trying to get an edge or to defend themselves from distortions, outright lies, and personal attacks.

Adlai Stevenson, a presidential candidate in the 1950s, said, “The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving you are unworthy of winning.”

This takes a huge toll on those who put themselves on the political frying pan, but it also makes it hard for responsible citizens to assess qualifications, to determine a candidate’s true positions on the issues, and to decide whether characterizations of the individual are true and relevant.

Although competence and character are important, the criteria for who gets my vote starts with a candidate's convictions, his or her beliefs on crucial matters.

Seems simple enough, but it isn’t. The first task is to identify the issues that mean a lot to you and their relative importance. The second is to discover the candidate’s stands on them

Fortunately, a number of nonpartisan websites can help. I especially like www.glassbooth.org where you rank issues in order of their importance to you. You’re then told how closely each candidate’s views are aligned with yours.

For more substantive analysis of the issues and each candidate’s stances, visit these websites:

• www.vote-smart.org
• www.c-span.org
• www.cqpolitics.com
• www.factcheck.org

This is really important stuff. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Pick a candidate, then tell your friends why. If enough of us do that, it could make a difference.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts and that good citizenship is one of the Six Pillars of Character.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:53 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (7)

As the presidential campaign heats up, lots of people I talk to express dismay that none of the current candidates meet all of their hopes and expectations. Often the discussion turns to what they don’t like about one person or another. This has been true in every national election I’ve seen, but I don’t remember a time when dissatisfaction with the choices was higher and the temptation to stand on the sidelines was stronger.

Well, that’s not a viable option. In a democracy, the highest public office is a citizen with the right to vote. Our privileges come with civic responsibilities, including the moral duty to participate.

But how can we sort through the rhetoric, rumors, and allegations to make a wise and responsible choice?

First, we have to become informed.

Claims that “I really don’t know much about candidate X” are not acceptable. We can’t hide behind a veil of ignorance, especially in the era of the Internet where it’s so easy to learn all we need to know. Surely, we should put as much effort into choosing our next president as we would in choosing our next car.

The harder challenge is weighing and balancing the factors we think are important and making a comparative judgment among the contenders.

It helps me to be systematic and assess each candidate’s strengths and deficiencies in three areas:

• Convictions. What is his or her ideology and beliefs about issues of consequence?
• Competence. What is his or her ability to effectively implement stated strategies and to deal with the crisis potential of unanticipated events, from natural disasters to foreign assassinations?
• Character. Can this person be trusted to represent the country with honor, integrity, courage, and dignity?

I’ll talk more about these three factors tomorrow.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (8)

The primary responsibility for instilling good values and building character is with parents. This doesn’t mean, however, that teachers and coaches don’t also have a critically important role.

The unfortunate fact is, far too many kids are raised in morally impoverished settings that foster lying, cheating, and violence. If we don’t give these children moral instruction, many of them will become predators. And I know it works because of Jesse, a young man I met in Tulare County, California.

Jesse was in an alternative school because he had serious behavioral problems. About a month after his school incorporated character-development strategies into the curriculum, Jesse found keys belonging to the janitor. To a kid with a history of theft, this was a mighty temptation. When he voluntarily turned them in, people were shocked. When I asked him why, he surprised me with his answer. He didn’t say anything about a new commitment to honesty. He said simply, "I didn’t want the janitor to lose his job."

It’s likely Jesse would not have thought about the janitor weeks before. What changed was he’d been given a simple thinking tool that helped him see the way his choices could affect other people. Jesse was taught to identify "stakeholders" -- all the people likely to be affected by one’s decision -- and to think about how they might be affected.

Despite Jesse’s flaws, he had decent instincts and didn’t want to do something that would hurt the janitor. His teachers didn’t teach him to care about others, but they gave him a way of thinking that unleashed the caring part of his nature.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

A guest protested, “I’ve been a teacher for 20 years, and that’s simplistic and unfair.”

“Really?” the executive said. “Then be honest, what do you make?”

“I suppose you’re thinking of money,” the teacher replied. “I earn enough, but let me tell you what I make.

“I make other people’s children read, think, write, wonder, and talk about important things such as the world and their role in it.

“I make them appreciate the value of education, not simply as a way to make a living, but as a way to make a life.

“I make them work harder than they want to and accomplish more than they thought possible.

“I encourage them to be skeptical without being cynical, and to be optimistic without being naïve.

“I make them understand that the quality of their life will be determined by their choices, and I make them take responsibility for their actions.

“I make them feel proud, capable, and worthy when they try hard.

“I make them appreciate the importance of integrity and honor in a world that too often shows little regard for either.

“I make them respect themselves and treat others with respect.

“I make them feel proud and grateful to live in America where people are entitled to be treated fairly and with respect and judged by their accomplishments and character, not by their color, creed, or by the size of their bank account.

"Most of all, I make a difference.

“So now,” the teacher said to the executive, “tell us what you make.”

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

* Note from Michael: A few days after broadcasting this commentary, I learned that the anonymous version that inspired this adaptation was itself a diluted and sanitized version of an original work by a poet named Taylor Mali.

I should have looked harder to find the original source and included his name in the radio commentary as he deserves full credit. I’m especially sensitive to this as my poem “What Will Matter” has frequently been republished without correct attribution. For a more complete explanation of this matter, see my comment posted below.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (18)

During an experiment, pigeons were put in cages with one green and one red button. In one cage, the birds that pecked the green button got food every time. In the other, the green button yielded food erratically and the pigeons had to persist to get enough food. In both cases, pecking the red button did nothing. Both sets of birds thrived, learning what they had to do to survive and to ignore the red button that yielded no food.

But when the birds that were used to getting a reward every time were put in the cage that fed them only occasionally, they failed to adapt. They hit their heads against the cage and pecked wildly at everything in sight.

There are two worthwhile lessons from this study:

First, the pigeons quickly learned from experience to avoid the red button because it was unproductive. There are lots of people who would lead smoother and happier lives if they just stopped pushing red buttons that never give them what they want.

Second, even birds that have it too easy get spoiled and develop an entitlement mentality that prevents them from adapting to situations where they can solve their problems if they just work harder. Some people are like that, too. They don’t deal well with new circumstances, especially those that require persistence.

Part of being responsible is learning from experience to appreciate the benefits of tenacity and the wisdom of avoiding useless, harmful, and self-defeating patterns of behavior.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (5)

What did you learn last year that will help you become wiser and better? For that matter, what did you learn last month, last week, yesterday?

These aren’t questions you can answer off the top of your head. They require serious and systematic reflection, an essential quality of wisdom and the foundation stone of happiness.

So before you finalize your New Year’s resolutions, consider adding a commitment to be self-consciously reflective and self-confidently humble.

Self-conscious reflection is developing the habit of regularly reviewing and reconsidering life’s experiences to extract meaningful lessons.

An annual ritual is still important but hardly enough. Think how much more you’ll learn and grow if at the end of each day or week you set aside quiet time to ask yourself three questions:

1. What went well, and what didn’t?
2. What did I do to make things better or worse, and what could I have done better?
3. Were my attitudes and reactions to the experience what I wanted them to be?

This sort of rigorous reflection doesn’t happen spontaneously. That’s why it has to be self-conscious. I confess I often don’t follow my own advice. My goal this year is to be more self-disciplined.

Self-confident humility is the attitude that you don’t have to be sick to get better; an abiding belief that there is always something to learn from every significant experience and that being smarter or better today doesn’t mean you were inadequately smart, sensible, or virtuous yesterday.

If you can’t list at least ten useful life lessons from the past year, you either haven’t thought hard enough or you may be afflicted with self-limiting arrogance, the belief that you really are as smart and good as you can or care to be.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (1)

Unless procrastination is one of your serious problems, by now you’ve probably examined your life and determined to make it better with New Year’s resolutions.

Maybe you’ve resolved to eat more intelligently, exercise regularly, and/or be more patient with people who annoy you. Perhaps you’ve committed to being more direct, less cynical, more kind, less manipulative, or more punctual.

Making resolutions is the easy part. Keeping them – that’s another thing entirely. For many of us, our resolve weakens with the passage of time as old patterns and bad habits creep back into our lives. Sooner or later, most of us will fall off our diet or exercise regimen, lose our temper, be rude or late, or otherwise violate our resolutions.

The key to staying the course is to expect and accept occasional backsliding and not allow these moments of compromise or weakness to be used as an excuse to abandon our commitments entirely.

Sometimes there are good reasons. Sometimes we simply rationalized or succumbed to self-indulgent cravings. Either way, we’re more likely to improve our lives if we think in terms of getting better rather than being perfect.

Remember, it’s still quite an achievement just to improve our batting average in avoiding unhealthy and negative behaviors.

The most important resolution of all is to keep our resolve to slog through the tough times with determination. The idea is to be better -- smarter, stronger, and kinder.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Posted by Josephson Institute Editor at 9:44 AM | Permalink | Leave a Comment (0)