Wonderful and Worrisome Aspects of Gift Giving and Receiving 546.4
Now that the card-sending and gift-giving season is over, I’m left with mixed feelings.
It’s wonderful to compile a list of hundreds of family, friends, and business associates whom I want to thank with a gift or card. It’s worrisome that following through on my good feelings and intentions feels like such a burden.
With five children, nine siblings, and countless nieces and nephews, our family gift list could cross the eyes of a North Pole elf. And even being selective, dozens of coworkers and business associates deserve tangible expressions of affection and appreciation.
It’s wonderful seeing the pleasure produced by the right gift, but it’s worrisome knowing that some recipients may not regard my gift as sufficiently generous, thoughtful, or appropriate. And then there’s the worry about offending people who didn’t get a gift or card.
When it comes to gifts, I really believe “it’s the thought that counts,” but if I don’t know or have the time to find out what the other person really wants or needs, how can I invest the gift with thoughtfulness it deserves? Printed holiday cards and fruit baskets don’t involve much thought, but finding the time to write hundreds of meaningful personal notes or selecting individual gifts is daunting.
As a result, I’m ashamed to admit that a sense of burden and obligation hovers over an activity that should be heartfelt and joy-filled.
The problem is made worse when I see many gift recipients experience short-lived or shallow gratitude. Whether they aren’t grateful because they know no sincere thoughtfulness went into the gift or because the gift simply isn’t what they wanted, the experience falls short of its potential.
I’d like to hear your ideas on a better way to handle this next year.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
Make a donation to a worthy cause or charity in someone else's name and the charity or foundation will send the recipient a notification of your generosity. All you have to do is spend a few minutes at the computer.
Posted by: shannon sanders | December 27, 2007 6:24 PM
Dear Michael, in our home we stop exchanging gifts at the age of 11. This is replaced by a contribution to our favorite charity(it changes annually)in honor of those children and adults who would normally receive a gift. The charity of choice is a selection made by our family. This certainly does not preclude other members of the immediate family buying gifts for our children now 17 , 14 and 12. Believe me , they still receive plenty! However, it does, as your message points out takes much of the obligation and burden out of gift giving around the holiday season. And besides, it teaches our children it is far more important to extend a hand to those who are struggling and less fortunate and those organizations selfishly performing acts of kindness during the year. Isn't that the real message of the holiday season? David
Posted by: David | December 28, 2007 4:42 AM
I, too, struggle with the gift giving issue at Christmas time (and birthdays). To many, I am known as an individual who gives the greatest, thoughtful, and practical gifts. I achieve this through listening to those I desire to purchase gifts for. I do this throughout the year and keep a folder of "gift ideas". I like to "hear" what are other people's interests are. Then as I window shop, these individuals come to mind and the gift idea and I am able to make my purchases. I never want to give a gift, just because it is the thing to do. Therefore, I don't get caught up in the Christmas rush - I purchase throughout the year. I desire to give a gift that is meaningful to the one receiving it and the only way to do that is to "listen" to those around me.
Posted by: Gail | December 28, 2007 5:43 AM
Michael and company,
My sincere thanks for the wonderful sharing!
Posted by: Bimal | December 28, 2007 6:32 AM
In large groups, such as your nieces and nephews if they are older children, or even a the office or school, doing a secret Santa, or giving to just one person in that group seems to work well. Each person puts their name in a hat at an event before Christmas (usually a month or more before). Now you know who your person is to give to and you can learn more about their likes and dislikes and focus entirely on them, making your relationship stronger in the process. The gift will be well recieved because you took the time to know who they are and what they would appreciate. At the same time someone is doing the same regarding you . . .
I think gift giving for gift giving sake has lost the idea behind giving someone something special either they would appreciate or that you truly value. If we don't know the person(s) well enough to give a gift then we need to do a bit more to figure it out. Many people get stressed during this time of year due to the pressures of shopping for so many and the expense of it all at one time of year. Having a select few to concentrate on may be the answer . . . as long as you know everyone in the family or co-workers is participating and will receive a gift.
My daughter and 5 of her friends did this at school this year. She had to learn the class scheule of the girl she picked out of the hat, where her locker was located, etc. Then she started by leaving a small present the Monday before Winter Break. Each day the gifts were given to different teachers to give the friend with only a note saying, "From Your Secret Santa". On the last day at lunch, where all the girls meet each day, they revealed themselves as the others "Santa" and gave their final gift. It put less stress on their teenage pocket books and made it a fun way to share the spirit of the season. (They came up with the idea all on their own and put a maximim dollar amount on the total gifts given--$10).
How could I not support something like this, they were giving , learning, and budgeting!
Posted by: Gail Matson | December 28, 2007 7:18 AM
Make it a point to do the little things all year even if they go unnoticed at that time. Come the holidays, you are home free and you know it.
Posted by: Noble Williams | December 28, 2007 8:54 AM
Michael,
The idea of you having difficulty giving is hard to grasp. You manage to inspire so many throughout the year, why should this season be any different? If I were on your Christmas list, I would appreciate a simple card designed by you and with one of your inspirational pieces penned on the inside. (With the help of technology, it can even be made to look handwritten.) Take care of the immediate loved ones with that special gift giving celebration, let others know you treasure them with a gift from your heart...through your pen.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, encouraging words, and inspiration throughout the year, and may you continue to be richly blessed throughout the new year!
Posted by: Katrina | December 31, 2007 7:41 AM