Are you advocating divorce if you are married to a person without much character? I cannot see that this option will develop character, and cannot be a positive move unless you are fearing for yours or your childrens' lives. Case in point: I live with a spouse that would take exception to your view on lying; he habitually practices lying about most anything, even the seeming inconsequential, and this practice has made the trust situation very tenuous for us. However, ending this relationship, I believe, would not develop my values or character. I believe it takes far more character for me to stay with him, in the midst of my pain, because the resulting long-term damage to my children is likely to be far greater, according to statistics, than for me to continue living in this less-than-beautiful relationship "for better or for worse". Do I like it? Not at all, sometimes. It would be easier in the short term to run away from pain. However, this relationship is not all about me, and sometimes a person endures a "toxic" relationship because is is better for others--in this case, for my children AND my spouse. Even though it is painful for him to face his faults, sometimes he does, and I have indeed seen improvement in the many years we have been married. He still falls into old habits (deceit) and gets very angry because I don't always immediately believe him, but we are both a work-in-progress (i.e.: He didn't get a perfect wife, either.) Neither of us would have developed as much had I "jumped ship" when I first found out he was less than trustworthy.

I believe you can survive without a corrupted attitude, although, perhaps, not on your own. I definitely think having a relationship with God keeps me from becoming embittered, and having other folks around to help bear troubles is definitely a must in this kind of situation.

Another point: a person does not always have to be happy in order to have a deepening character. The opposite is usually more likely.

Besides disagreeing with you in the case of marriage on this one point, I find your commentaries enlightening, and usually right on target. People of character are becoming almost an extinct species!

Sheri,

If I may, I believe that allowing your children to see the continuous examples of poor character that you state your husband possesses does far more harm than staying in an unhappy marriage. As you say, no one is perfect, but the picture you paint of your husband is extremely negative, and I am left to wonder if by staying you are also demonstrating a poor example to your children of what marriage consists. Do you want their marriages to replicate yours?

Ultimately, your post reads more like a rationalization (to not take action) than a logical argument. Perhaps marriage therapy would allow you to fulfill your desire to stay with your husband while also demonstrating the character of loyalty and sticking with the one you love? This would likely also serve as an excellent example to your children that sometimes to maintain character, we must ask for help.

Best of luck.

Sheri!

How can you possibly believe it is better for your children that you remain in a marriage to a habitual liar?

The backbone of any relationship is trust. If you and your children are unable to trust your husband he is not worthy of your love.

If his friends can not trust him, he is not worthy of their friendship.

If his employer/employees can not trust him he is not worthy of his job/position.

I understand for better or worse. I am married, and you have to work at it sometimes. If it makes you feel better try seeing a marriage counselor before you leave him. If he does not change his ways in a reasonable time period, (six to twelve months), move on!

Do not continue to expose your children to a father they can not trust! Do not let your children continue to see your husband's lies as a normal part of marriage!

Although there is no Biblical reason to leave your husband, you do have an obligation to protect your children's physical and mental well-being. Your husband's lying, whether pathological or habitual is very dangerous to you and your child. Pathological lying can be connected to a mental illness. Habitual lying is merely pure deception. Pathological liars convince themselves that what they say is true and can therefore deceive even a polygraph test at times. Liars are potential slanderers and defamers. Does the deception you and your children have to live with the rest of your life outweigh the benefit of building a life of truth and integrity with your children?

Sheri,
I'm one of the few that apparently agrees with your "stick to your spouse" committment. And yes "committment" is the key word here. I, too, am married to "not a perfect person," but my marriage vows said, "for better or for worse - in sickness and in health." I believe God will bless you and your kids in this committment. As far as how your kids will turn out, well mine are now 17 & 20 and have turned out WONDERFUL! They are mature kind hearted good kids. I know they were better with their not so perfect dad than without him. After all he's still their dad and he will have an effect on their lives whether we're still married or not. People quit relationships far too easy these days - looking for a charcter flaw that gives them a reason to leave. There are no perfect spouses - so what makes one character flaw so much more toxic than another. Stick to your relationship and God will bless you! Maybe not in this life time, but He will bless!

maybe She has no better outlook in our time, as I,know, I devorcest a Man,but hndled the trouble to some one else

Just thought of you and your changes lately. Good luck and I know you're doing the right thing.