Let the Butterfly Struggle 544.5
There’s a parable about a new mother who discovered a butterfly struggling mightily to escape its cocoon through a tiny opening at the top. She became concerned when the creature seemed to give up after making no progress. Certain that the butterfly wouldn’t make it out without help, she enlarged the hole slightly.
On its next try, the butterfly wriggled out easily. But the young woman’s joy turned to horror when she saw its wings were shriveled and useless. Her well-intentioned intervention had interrupted a natural process. Forcing the butterfly to squeeze through a small opening is nature’s way of assuring that blood from the creature’s body is pushed into its wings. By making that procedure easier, she deprived the butterfly of strong wings.
Childhood, too, is a sort of cocoon. If a healthy adult is to emerge, parents must allow, even encourage, their children to struggle, make mistakes, learn from them, and pay a price for bad judgments and conduct.
Of course, good parents should be ready to protect their children from serious harm. But being overprotective can itself inflict damage. Adversity is not always an enemy. It’s often teaching that helps a young person develop wings strengthened by self-confidence and self-reliance.
Helen Keller once said, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Comments
This is my favorite parable of all time and have used it often! It expresses so clearly why parents should think twice before they 'help their child out of trouble' for example, do their children's homework or give them money after the child has spent it all or no consequence for inappropriate behaviors.
Posted by: Therese kelders | December 14, 2007 5:16 AM
My son's mother has spent the first years of his life chronically attempting to parentally alienate me from our son. In that time she has committed perjury before the court (on several occassions,) and slandered me to our son in her effort to limit my rights and participation in his life, to take away our visitation, and portray me in a poor light before him. Additionally, the Mother refuses to communicate, cooperate, compromise or co-parent with me, (...putting her own agendas before those of our son.) However, kids are smart, and ironically by doing so, she has alienated herself in the process, while driving our son closer to me.
While difficult, through it it all I have I have attempted to take the high road, refusing to yield to this alienation. And as a result I am proud to say, my son and I have developed an incredibly strong and close relationship.
To combat this alienation, my approach has been to spotlight the alienation for all (...including the court,) to see. ...And, having confidence that our son will see through our behavior, rather than pressuring my son, I've let nature take its own course. Of course, this chronic behavior has not come without a considerable cost to the Mother, and unnecessary distress to our son.
Now, after 11+ years my son's Mother's chronic attempts to keep us apart nad limit my participation in his life, my son no longer wants to live with his mother and is continually requesting that I go to court to request a change of his primary custody.
Sadly, this appears to be the only way this alienation will ever end.
I mention this hoping you will write and advise all parents that children need both of their parents, because no child should ever have to go through what my son has been forced to endure to accomodate one parent's selfishness.
My hope is that by writing you other parents will
pause and consider their actions before using their child(ren) as a pawn to acheive their personal goals.
I would also like to thank you for all of your words of wisdom. While I usually agree with them, I would like to commend your for always staying vigilent and focused on what is really important. Have a happy and a healthy New Year.
Posted by: Matt Jacobs | December 17, 2007 7:01 PM
Your parable sounds Nigerian (sic Chinua Achebe)and I wish to let you know that it is well understood by us here in this part of the world.
Though it has been one of the major lessons to be learnt by an African child growing up, I'm afraid times are changing and corruption is fast eroding this in our children.
Parents no longer feel any shame in going to any length to assist their children to cheat at any given opportunity.
Do you wonder why there are scammers in the country?
Posted by: Isaac Whiskey | January 15, 2008 12:04 PM
Your parable is enlightening. I wish I could have known about it when my only daughter was young. Though she is a very nice girl academically and morally in the eyes of her peers and teachers,I know she could be even better if I had assisted her less in developing her logic thinking by working out those mathematics exercises and many other things. In a word, I neglected the importance of having her experience the hardship of mental and physical struggling. I wish other Chinese mothers like me would remember the lesson.
Thank you again.
Posted by: Shengping Tang (Amy) | January 18, 2008 5:35 PM