Being Right or Being Kind 533.5
Watching parents struggle to keep their young children quiet on a recent plane trip reminded me of how stressful traveling was a few years ago when my kids were really young.
Anne and I would do everything we could to keep our kids from annoying other passengers, but no matter how hard we tried, one would always scream or kick the seat in front of her.
Inevitably, a few passengers would add to our anxiety and embarrassment by displaying disdain and discomfort through withering comments, loud sighs, or accusatory looks. Their message was clear: We were inept or inconsiderate parents.
I couldn’t blame them because our children did make their trip unpleasant. Still, I wished they had been more understanding.
In contrast, I so admired and appreciated the occasional man or woman who would go out of his or her way to ease the tension or lighten the burden with a supportive smile, a kind comment, or an offer to help.
Sometimes we don’t seem aware of the choices we have and our power to make things better or worse.
I once read of a man on a subway with two young children who were being loud and unruly. The man seemed to ignore their behavior, so a fed-up passenger confronted him: "Sir, don’t you see how your children are disturbing everyone? How can you be so thoughtless?"
The man sobbed, "I’m so sorry. Their mom just died and I’ve been thinking of how we'll live without her." In an instant, the critic’s self-righteousness turned to self-condemnation.
Why is it that so many of us have to be hit over the head before we turn on our caring and empathy buttons?
The next time you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose kindness.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
What do you think of this commentary?
Subscribe
Comments
Having children or not having children is a choice. As such, those who choose to have children have the obligation to show respect for those who choose not to have children. Being a good parent includes the ability to control your own child. It is a tremendous amount of work, but a parent should never become complacent about his or her child’s behavior.
My son’s first long flight was at the age of 18 months. I contacted our pediatrician to get advice and researched parenting books on how to handle long travels. I am proud to say he never once cried, raised his voice, or fidgeted excessively on any of his trips because we managed to make them fun for him.
Many were made without my husband, so I can attest that it can be done by single parents. We put in the same amount of effort whenever we’re in public. It was extra work at first, but after a couple of years, it became second nature to him to behave civilized in public. Outings became peaceful, enjoyable, and guilt-free.
I realize parents face many unique challenges, but I expect all of them to put 100 percent into raising their children. And yes, I am one of those people who sigh loudly and give dirty looks to parents of children running wildly in airport waiting areas and restaurants.
Posted by: Y. Salinas | November 1, 2007 1:26 PM
Finally a parent who takes responsibility for thier children and doesnt just blame the behavior on a "kid being a kid".
I have been married for 5 years and my husband and I have not decided if we are going to have kids or not and I appreciate someone understanding that. I dont want to be one of those parents who are looked at because I can not control my child. I know I was under control when I was a child because I know how my parents raised me, to be respectful of other people and my surroundings.
I am glad there are people out there who are proactive about raising great children. Keep up the good job!
Posted by: Courtney | November 3, 2007 4:21 AM
I love that story, because I could picture myself being just that selfish.
It just so happens I just read that story. So that you may give proper credit to your source, that story appears in Stephen R. Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". I can't say with certainty if he was the original author. I don't have the page number for you because the book isn't currently available, but if you'd like I'm sure I could find it.
Posted by: D. Dauphinais | February 25, 2008 6:37 AM